Really hurt about a recent break up

[stan98]

Hey guys i am a 23 year old boy and i am looking for some advice from anyone. For the last year or so i have been off and on with a girl. We started last January and instantly hit it off. We spent everyday together, and i didnt even want to have any sexual contact with her for like the first 2 months because i just wanted to be with her and that didnt even matter to me, and thats when i knew she was much different. We went until May when i decided to break it off because i was leaving town for the summer and was scared to do distance because of really bad experience in my past where my gf cheated on me while we were doing distance. Mid way through summer we met up and we let things go and we found our way back together. Some background info, for the last 5 years or so i have dealt with some very serious at times anxiety and my girlfriend was having a rough time this semester as she was working two jobs, going to school full time and trying to study for the GRE. I admit because of the anxiety at times i can very high maintenance when i get in those ruts. So for the last month we have been in a really weird place, kind of not texting as much because she was so busy and never had much time, and i just was getting annoyed and we were arguing a lot. Two nights ago i was with her and just absolutely broke down, i cried and told her how sad i was at what was happening between us, and for the first time i told her that i was in love with her and i was scared that we were on the verge of breaking up. The conversation eventually led to her saying she was just really busy and needed time to get her life together but wanted to be in contact and wanted to be there for me. I was absolutely heartbroken and told her i cant do that because i am in love with her, i cant just be around her and not be with her, i cant just like her and not love her. So i left her house and said my goodbye to her. Before this semester when things got chaotic in her life she was so so supportive of me and my anxiety, she was so caring for me and my life and i took it completely for granted and argued about things that i look back on and cant believe. I never showed her how thankful i was for her and it completely came back to bite me. I havent contacted her since but i just am so devastated. Im 23 and have had multiple girlfriends throughout my life but this was the first girl i truly loved, the first girl i felt addicted to, the first girl ive cried over, and the first girl i truly just feel like my world is collapsing without. I just dont know what to do, i dont know if i should contact her and i dont know if i should delete all her numbers and social medias so i get her out of my head. I just think about her all day and how badly i took everything for granted. I just need some advice. Also two nights ago when i left, she sent me a text later that night after i had fallen asleep that was really long saying "I am so upset about this, i hate to see you crying and hurting like that. I feel like i just lost my closest companion and my best friend and im really upset. You can always contact me, but will respect your decision to move on if you think thats whats best for you.".... I was so confused about that also.

 

I know thats kind of a confusing and all over the place paragraph but i just feel very emotional and im not thinking so good so im sorry for that. Please just someone give me some advice on where to go from here

[thompkevin]

Hi Stan,

 

I am sorry you are going through this. I understand how hurtful it can be when you feel you have pushed away someone you truly love.

 

Anxiety is hard to deal with and you did your best under the circumstances. Moreover, you realize your mistake now, which is a huge step and hopefully you will learn from this and not make such a mistake in the future. Don't blame yourself for what happened. Learn your lesson from it and move on.

 

As for your ex, I recommend you [do no contact for a while]. Perhaps a month. Get yourself together. Get your anxiety under control. Get professional help if need be. Try to become a better version yourself. Someone who is more confident, happier and healthier (both physically and mentally).

 

Once you feel you have healed enough and become a better version of yourself, and if you still feel the same way about your ex, send her a text. If she responds then speak to her and maybe ask her to meet you. If she sees the new version of you, she will likely want to get back together.

Edited March 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed commercial link ~6

[Rouik]

Relationships are never easy and the best relationships are the ones you have to fight for, It can be a hard thing to feel pushed away and it is difficult to deal with it when you don't feel the same way as the other person. I would say work on yourself for a while take some time to get your life together. you guys found your way back together once before it could happen again, but don't hold on to it so tightly that you let yourself become owned by the thought. Hang out with some close friends and go on an adventure some where, get some fresh air and a clear perspective on the situation. Good luck and keep your head up there is a lot of life left to experience.