Rejected, what have I done wrong?

[jess26]

I'm writing this post as I have been rejected two days ago and I'm still processing the pain.

This is my story:

I went out with a guy (I will call him Mark) for 2 or 3 dates. I was very attracted to him but there were no real feelings. So I told him the truth, explaining how he is a great guy but there was no chemistry. He said it already showed I wasn't interested and took it pretty good.

After that episode, I moved on, I didn't really think about him, as I wasn't interested in him romantically. 3 months later, I was invited to a getaway in the mountains with a group of people. Mark was in the group, but it didn't keep me from going because I knew it was over, and we were okay. a few days before leaving for that week end, I learn from my best friend (that was also in the group) that Mark was bringing his new girl. I thought it would be very awkward, and it kind of was. First night, she couldn't come because she had to work. Seeing Mark again made me feel a little bit uncomfortable at first. But then as we all drank, I gained more confidence when I was around him. Later that night we had many eye contacts and I must admit that I wanted him, a lot. But I knew his girl was coming the next day.

So the next day, i wake up, she was already here, she looked cute. We started talking, and I directly realised how she didn't fit with him. later that day, I noticed how she kept on following him, and how he kept on ignoring her, but that didn't stop me from being a little jealous of her.

Later during the night, I had a little bit more to drink to try and forget about them. At some point I was in the jacuzzi with my best friend, Mark and others. Mark and I were next to each others and we couldn't see through the water because of the bubbles, but Mark touched my lap and looked at me with eyes that made me feel like he wanted me. Of course nothing happened, I removed his hand as I had too much respect for the other girl. He ended up with her in bed, and the next day we didn't speak to each other. I got home that night.

The next day, I got a message from him telling me how he felt kinda lost after the weekend getaway, and how he hoped we could give ourselves a second chance. I felt happy but at the same time confused. I have to admit that it felt good knowing he was still attracted to me (is that wrong?) but it felt wrong in so many ways (his girl). One thing was for sure, I wanted to give it another try, but of course I did not forget about her. A few days later, he told me he broke up with her, it was going very fast for me at this point and I was really worried about the girl, and was afraid their breakup was my fault. He said that he had no real feelings for her, and basically that she was just another tinder date.

a week later, we went on a date. It was a sunday night. The bar wasn't busy, and I had the best cocktail I have ever had. The night started off pretty awkwardly, but quickly enough, i felt comfortable being with him. It just felt right. It was one of the best few dates I had in my life. We also kissed, and it felt very good. I did not want the night to end though, but as we left, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. I hesitated : I wanted to, I did, but I wasn't ready for it. Actually I was just not ready to tell him that I was a virgin, and I did not want to do it without him knowing that. I went with him, and as we were kissing, and cuddling in bed, I knew it was going to stop because I couldn't tell him. He removed his shirt, and then my dress, but as he got on top of me, I said "I can't do it" . He froze. I felt so bad. He got off me, and asked if there was a reason, I lied and said that I don't like when things go fast. He kinda looked disappointed, but then we kissed again, and he stopped me. At this point I was topless, so I put my dress back on and I said I was going to leave. I didn't want to, I could've stayed but he was so cold and sad that I wasn't confortable anymore. we kissed goodbye, and I left.

The next day, I was feeling good about our date, I told my friends and was feeling pretty positive about the situation even though the ending wasn't good. In my point of view, we could've work it out, I just needed time to do it. He didn't text me all day long. At the end of the day, I was disappointed, and as I got home (which is very late) I received a message from him saying that maybe it'd be better if we remained friends and that he was just not motivated for this and that it didn't have to do with the fact that i left that night. He added how he wasn't feeling that good that night and that he sounded kinda sorry for pushing me into going back home with him, but he really didn't. I dont know what he thought but it ended at that moment and I couldn't keep him. I did not feel that bad for being rejected, I think I was mostly disappointed at that time. But I got over it, and kinda moved on.

A week later, we both attended the same birthday party. After a lot of drinking, the party continued at a club were we danced and sang our hearts out. At some point (I dont remember when nor how) we were dancing alone, and he leaned on to me and kissed me, and I kissed him back. For me it didn't mean anything except a good ending to all of this.

Little did I know it wasn't the end. Two weeks later, we met again at another birthday party. This time I drank a lot, and I don't remember most of the ending. As I was about to leave the party, we apparently started talking, and then we kissed (I dont know who started it and I feel pretty bad about this) then we got in a room, he closed the doors so we could talk. I remember vaguely what he said. I remember asking him what he wanted, He said he didn't want to be friends with benefits, and that he also didn't want anything complicated. He asked me what I wanted but I dont remember answering. I may have said " i dont know what I want". He also talked about the girl he was with, and about my last boyfriend (he knows him), but I don't remember what he said about them. Then I took an uber and left, but i dont remember how i left, if i said goobye, etc. I regret drinking so much because I needed that conversation to talk to him. The next day, I sent him a message apologizing about not remembering most of the conversation, and asked if he wanted to talk about it again. I also said that all of this was very unclear for me. He said that he didn't want to talk about it anymore, that we always chase each other at parties but that after that we don't "fit", and that we should stay friends. again.

This time I took it pretty hard, What have I done wrong? I mean clearly we're not meant to be, but I feel like he made 0 efforts to try. I was ready to. Maybe if I stayed that night it would've been different. or if I didn't drink as much I would've been able to tell him I was ready for this. I don't think we would've lasted anyways, but I did want to try us. Now I feel so bad about myself. I hate how at the end, he didn't choose me. Maybe it was all just attraction for him, and I think that is what hurts me the most.

 

Sorry for the long text, I had to take this all out of me, I can't focus on my work (and I have a tons of **** to do). What do you think about all of this? where have I gone wrong?

 

 

xoxo

[d0nnivain]

You went wrong because you didn't understand your own feelings. First you don't develop strong feelings for anyone after 3 dates. At best you have sense that you want date 4. You & this guy were not meant to be. But then you found out that another woman wanted him. Suddenly because he was desirable to another you wanted him. Your higher reasoning kept you away but your baser instincts & competitive nature, made you want him. Not so much because you suddenly realized you actually liked him but because you didn't want her to have him.

 

 

He dumped her because he probably genuinely liked you. remember he only agreed to end things because he knew his feelings weren't reciprocated. In the height of you coming on to him in your competitive streak, he believed because he wanted to so desperately. But then when you tried again, he knew your true heart even when you didn't.

 

 

Please leave this poor sensitive soul alone.

[rushed]

So the only times you've spent with this guy has been at parties or a bar where you're both drunk. He makes a move on you in the jacuzzi while his date is around somewhere. He turned cold on you after you didn't have sex with him. And then he turned cold on you again after another party where you left him (where he said he didn't want an FWB but he also didn't want anything complicated).

 

Am I understanding this correctly? Because if I am, it's looks pretty clear to me. Has he at anytime tried to get to you know in a non-sexual manner? Or taken you out to a place that didn't involve alcohol?

[jess26]

You went wrong because you didn't understand your own feelings. First you don't develop strong feelings for anyone after 3 dates. At best you have sense that you want date 4. You & this guy were not meant to be. But then you found out that another woman wanted him. Suddenly because he was desirable to another you wanted him. Your higher reasoning kept you away but your baser instincts & competitive nature, made you want him. Not so much because you suddenly realized you actually liked him but because you didn't want her to have him.

 

 

He dumped her because he probably genuinely liked you. remember he only agreed to end things because he knew his feelings weren't reciprocated. In the height of you coming on to him in your competitive streak, he believed because he wanted to so desperately. But then when you tried again, he knew your true heart even when you didn't.

 

 

Please leave this poor sensitive soul alone.

 

you're right for the fact that I didn't really understand my own feelings, I've struggled with this many times, but I always thought that maybe when I meet the one, I will know and will be sure about my feelings. Maybe that's why.

I'm not really the competitive kind, but I get your point, and think you're also a bit right.

I feel like I have insisted and showed that I was interested enough, whereas he didn't want to try and like it was too much work for him. By rejecting me twice, I doubt he had initial feelings...

Thanks for your input

[jess26]

So the only times you've spent with this guy has been at parties or a bar where you're both drunk. He makes a move on you in the jacuzzi while his date is around somewhere. He turned cold on you after you didn't have sex with him. And then he turned cold on you again after another party where you left him (where he said he didn't want an FWB but he also didn't want anything complicated).

 

Am I understanding this correctly? Because if I am, it's looks pretty clear to me. Has he at anytime tried to get to you know in a non-sexual manner? Or taken you out to a place that didn't involve alcohol?

 

He's not really the relationship kind of guy, but I know that he wants something real now since all of his friends are in serious relationships (2 of his friends are in a relationship with 2 of my friends). I feel like he might be a little bit lonely. But yeah I guess he wanted someone, but it was just not me. We spent 2-3 times together getting to know each other (no alcohol). And the first time we met, we were sitting on the roof with my best friend and we had a long talk, all three of us. But again, I think he liked the idea of being with me, without really wanting to be with me, if that makes sense..

[ExpatInItaly]

You sent strong mixed signals (breaking it off, then wanting him back, and so on) so he knows it's probably not wise to pursue something more with you. You seemed to only really be interested when you saw that another girl was with him. What's to say your original hesitations won't return?

 

Also, he seems to be much more comfortable with a casual hookup than you are (and neither of you is wrong for your respective feelings about that) so it would probably just turn awkward.

 

I would just leave this one alone. It sounds like a few drunken encounters but not much more. And if he met this other girl on Tinder then it's very likely he's still seeing other Tinder girls now too. Again, nothing really wrong with that but I think you risk getting a lot more attached and not for the right reasons.

[Maldives]

I'm writing this post as I have been rejected two days ago and I'm still processing the pain.

This is my story:

I went out with a guy (I will call him Mark) for 2 or 3 dates. I was very attracted to him but there were no real feelings. So I told him the truth, explaining how he is a great guy but there was no chemistry. He said it already showed I wasn't interested and took it pretty good.

After that episode, I moved on, I didn't really think about him, as I wasn't interested in him romantically. 3 months later, I was invited to a getaway in the mountains with a group of people. Mark was in the group, but it didn't keep me from going because I knew it was over, and we were okay. a few days before leaving for that week end, I learn from my best friend (that was also in the group) that Mark was bringing his new girl. I thought it would be very awkward, and it kind of was. First night, she couldn't come because she had to work. Seeing Mark again made me feel a little bit uncomfortable at first. But then as we all drank, I gained more confidence when I was around him. Later that night we had many eye contacts and I must admit that I wanted him, a lot. But I knew his girl was coming the next day.

So the next day, i wake up, she was already here, she looked cute. We started talking, and I directly realised how she didn't fit with him. later that day, I noticed how she kept on following him, and how he kept on ignoring her, but that didn't stop me from being a little jealous of her.

Later during the night, I had a little bit more to drink to try and forget about them. At some point I was in the jacuzzi with my best friend, Mark and others. Mark and I were next to each others and we couldn't see through the water because of the bubbles, but Mark touched my lap and looked at me with eyes that made me feel like he wanted me. Of course nothing happened, I removed his hand as I had too much respect for the other girl. He ended up with her in bed, and the next day we didn't speak to each other. I got home that night.

The next day, I got a message from him telling me how he felt kinda lost after the weekend getaway, and how he hoped we could give ourselves a second chance. I felt happy but at the same time confused. I have to admit that it felt good knowing he was still attracted to me (is that wrong?) but it felt wrong in so many ways (his girl). One thing was for sure, I wanted to give it another try, but of course I did not forget about her. A few days later, he told me he broke up with her, it was going very fast for me at this point and I was really worried about the girl, and was afraid their breakup was my fault. He said that he had no real feelings for her, and basically that she was just another tinder date.

a week later, we went on a date. It was a sunday night. The bar wasn't busy, and I had the best cocktail I have ever had. The night started off pretty awkwardly, but quickly enough, i felt comfortable being with him. It just felt right. It was one of the best few dates I had in my life. We also kissed, and it felt very good. I did not want the night to end though, but as we left, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. I hesitated : I wanted to, I did, but I wasn't ready for it. Actually I was just not ready to tell him that I was a virgin, and I did not want to do it without him knowing that. I went with him, and as we were kissing, and cuddling in bed, I knew it was going to stop because I couldn't tell him. He removed his shirt, and then my dress, but as he got on top of me, I said "I can't do it" . He froze. I felt so bad. He got off me, and asked if there was a reason, I lied and said that I don't like when things go fast. He kinda looked disappointed, but then we kissed again, and he stopped me. At this point I was topless, so I put my dress back on and I said I was going to leave. I didn't want to, I could've stayed but he was so cold and sad that I wasn't confortable anymore. we kissed goodbye, and I left.

The next day, I was feeling good about our date, I told my friends and was feeling pretty positive about the situation even though the ending wasn't good. In my point of view, we could've work it out, I just needed time to do it. He didn't text me all day long. At the end of the day, I was disappointed, and as I got home (which is very late) I received a message from him saying that maybe it'd be better if we remained friends and that he was just not motivated for this and that it didn't have to do with the fact that i left that night. He added how he wasn't feeling that good that night and that he sounded kinda sorry for pushing me into going back home with him, but he really didn't. I dont know what he thought but it ended at that moment and I couldn't keep him. I did not feel that bad for being rejected, I think I was mostly disappointed at that time. But I got over it, and kinda moved on.

A week later, we both attended the same birthday party. After a lot of drinking, the party continued at a club were we danced and sang our hearts out. At some point (I dont remember when nor how) we were dancing alone, and he leaned on to me and kissed me, and I kissed him back. For me it didn't mean anything except a good ending to all of this.

Little did I know it wasn't the end. Two weeks later, we met again at another birthday party. This time I drank a lot, and I don't remember most of the ending. As I was about to leave the party, we apparently started talking, and then we kissed (I dont know who started it and I feel pretty bad about this) then we got in a room, he closed the doors so we could talk. I remember vaguely what he said. I remember asking him what he wanted, He said he didn't want to be friends with benefits, and that he also didn't want anything complicated. He asked me what I wanted but I dont remember answering. I may have said " i dont know what I want". He also talked about the girl he was with, and about my last boyfriend (he knows him), but I don't remember what he said about them. Then I took an uber and left, but i dont remember how i left, if i said goobye, etc. I regret drinking so much because I needed that conversation to talk to him. The next day, I sent him a message apologizing about not remembering most of the conversation, and asked if he wanted to talk about it again. I also said that all of this was very unclear for me. He said that he didn't want to talk about it anymore, that we always chase each other at parties but that after that we don't "fit", and that we should stay friends. again.

This time I took it pretty hard, What have I done wrong? I mean clearly we're not meant to be, but I feel like he made 0 efforts to try. I was ready to. Maybe if I stayed that night it would've been different. or if I didn't drink as much I would've been able to tell him I was ready for this. I don't think we would've lasted anyways, but I did want to try us. Now I feel so bad about myself. I hate how at the end, he didn't choose me. Maybe it was all just attraction for him, and I think that is what hurts me the most.

 

Sorry for the long text, I had to take this all out of me, I can't focus on my work (and I have a tons of **** to do). What do you think about all of this? where have I gone wrong?

 

 

xoxo

 

My gut feeling tells me he felt rejected after u didn't sleep wth him and he got mixed messages from u about that. That's wat im thinking. Because he went cold after this he definatly likes u but he also might be sending ur inexperience in this department nothing wrong wth that. I remember an ex from a few yrs ago she was a virgin and I sensed it pretty much straight away it sought or turned me off a little but I kept wth it but that's just me how I am. Again I don't know for sure but just trying to read between the lines