ms1506 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Hi folks, Firstly, if you take the time to read this and respond, then big thanks to you So my question/problem is... what do you think about a situation where somebody breaks off an otherwise healthy/great relationship (8 months) purely because they say they have had a long standing doubt/feeling about the relationship... but they are neither able to articulate or even understand themselves what that doubt/feeling is? My breakup did not come as any surprise to me at all because of a number of occasions, over the recent months, where she told me she had doubts/felt confused. Each time that happened I always reassured her that it was okay if she wasn't sure about us being together and said that I'm here to talk anytime if she wants. But almost every time she had the opportunity, I got the feeling she was so overwhelmed with stress/anxiety that she'd shut down talking about it and confusingly enough almost all of these situations resulted from her wanting to raise the issue in the first place. I could totally understand becoming reticent if I was pressuring her to talk about her feelings and putting her on the spot... but I never did that to her as I didn't want her to feel overwhelmed again (and she's acknowledged a couple times that this wasn't constructive). In a way it almost seemed self-sabotaging... But in all honesty, this issue is the only thing we ever had 'wrong' (but obviously it was a big one for her) and we both agree there was literally nothing else problematic, aside from these strong confused feelings on her end. I am still left scratching my head as it seemed like such a baffling reason to end what we had... the break up was on peaceful/good terms (we still keep in touch too) and I have no bad feelings towards her or her decision... even now we're both still concerned and caring about how we're both feeling/handling it... I was told this wasn't anything to do with me (and that I was always good to her etc.), but because she was so overwhelmed with a feeling she couldn't explain/understand herself (supposedly) she said it was better we break up right now in order for her to work through what she's feeling and not drag me through it anymore. She's currently also in counselling, for reasons that are also private to me (which I understand...), and has also been under a lot of stress with her job/career that has been very tough on her on so many levels (for many months) - so I'm sure some of this plays a role. So any input or thoughts or experiences in what might be really going on would be very interesting/helpful for me to hear. There's a big part of me that thinks she might have some unresolved issues in her past that are complex, which is contributing to what seems like a general anxiety about us (or maybe relationships in general, which is fair enough). Anyway, I just want her to be okay, that's all (and I know she will eventually). Whilst we are definitely over and I'm not clinging on to any expectations of getting back together again... she seems to be interested to talk more in depth/meet up if she finds herself feeling any differently and works through what's bothering her. But at the same time I don't know whether I should just cut my losses and move on. Normally I would, but this one is tough because we still have a connection... Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 What's really going on is she's is scared. Like many people she doesn't have the words or the mental health background to articulate the source of her fear she simply knows it is there. You can only accept it & walk away now that she has ended things. You can't force her to articulate a reason you can understand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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