Thinking about breaking up

[Angsted]

I have been dating a woman for a little over a year. She is divorced and has 2 kids. I am separated and have 2 kids. She lives about 30 miles from me. Since we have started dating, she has gained weight to an extent that i am not very attracted to her. I dont expect her to be a fitness model, but she is much less physically active than i am. There have been a few times when she is drunk where she remarked that i didnt seem to have a passionate desire for her. And it is true, but i never admitted it because i dont want to hurt her feelings. She has many good qualities and i enjoy spending time with her which is why i havent left her, and maybe i thought that at some point she would step up her game and get in better shape. I am becoming frustrated with the situation. We do have sex but its not very exciting for me. I have had much better sexual chemistry with others in the past. Ive even been thinking of reaching out to one of my exes who i find smoking hot and was single the last time i talked to her. But i have resisted the temptation because that seems like a douchebag move. Not sure what to do.

[Life lessons]

I have been dating a woman for a little over a year. She is divorced and has 2 kids. I am separated and have 2 kids. She lives about 30 miles from me. Since we have started dating, she has gained weight to an extent that i am not very attracted to her. I dont expect her to be a fitness model, but she is much less physically active than i am. There have been a few times when she is drunk where she remarked that i didnt seem to have a passionate desire for her. And it is true, but i never admitted it because i dont want to hurt her feelings. She has many good qualities and i enjoy spending time with her which is why i havent left her, and maybe i thought that at some point she would step up her game and get in better shape. I am becoming frustrated with the situation. We do have sex but its not very exciting for me. I have had much better sexual chemistry with others in the past. Ive even been thinking of reaching out to one of my exes who i find smoking hot and was single the last time i talked to her. But i have resisted the temptation because that seems like a douchebag move. Not sure what to do.

 

Looks/weight definitely aren't everything, but I completely see where you are coming from. You've only known her a short while and sh'e put on that much wait within this time. In this case, I would be honest with her. Let her know that you're not as physically attracted to her. I know that sounds harsh, but I would want to know if I were in that situation. OR you can ask her if she wants to start walking with you, going to the gym, etc. Definitely break things off with her before screwing someone else....well that woud be the right thing to do.

[teddyzain]

Most women want a man with a good job, someone stable, not bad looking and takes care of himself (does not have to be a model). If he doesn't have a decent job that's a problem. However, if you tell a girl she needs to not get fat because you won't be physically attracted to her she will freak. Double standard. She in no way has to be super model thin. She just has to not be obese.

[spiderowl]

You are already looking elsewhere. I can't see that you are doing your partner a favour by staying with her if you don't find her attractive. Finding other people more attractive seems rather serious to me. Putting pressure on her to lose weight will not improve your relationship. You could try asking her to, but then if she has any sense she will dump you. I cannot see this ending well somehow.

[Cookiesandough]

Break up. I don't understand these people who think they are doing the other person a favor by staying with them when they find them physically repugnant.