3 AM Text from Ex and the Fallout

[silver90]

Hello!

 

Quick rundown of my story -

 

My ex and I dated for a year. We ended up breaking up since she had a lot of maturing to do and was quite intimidated by a commitment (she is younger than me). Since our breakup almost a year ago, she has been baiting me every couple of months only to run away from what she offered. We do not keep in touch regularly.

 

For instance, she will ask me out to dinner but then when I go to make the plan, she disappears. Another time, she says that I will hear from her the following week, but then I never do and she posts some cryptic thing on social media about loving someone you just can't be with (for mental reasons). I also know that she has not been in a committed or serious relationship since our breakup.

 

Most recently, she texted me referencing my birthday three days prior to my actual birthday at 3 AM trying to start a conversation. Two text messages in the following day, she totally abandoned the discussion for no apparent reason.

 

I approached her about a week ago regarding why she continues to do this to me and asked her if she had malicious intentions since it often felt that she was baiting me, which makes me feel badly.

She took full responsibility for it and told me that she doesn't always think before she acts and that her intentions were never ever malicious.

 

I think that this answer could go one of two ways, either meaning:

1) that she didn't think it would emotionally affect me and she was reaching out "as a friend", not thinking (though we certainly are not and that in itself could be a cop out for being called out)

2) she is impulsive and wasn't thinking of anything beyond wanting to speak to me in that moment (this I can co-sign and it was a huge problem in our relationship, where she would do things she simply wasn't ready for yet. Her heart always rules her head, but then she backtracks on her actions as a result)

 

I guess I have two questions:

1) What do you take her response to mean?

2) Even if she did mean it as option 1, is it really possible that she didn't mean anything by texting me at 3 in the morning? She never reaches out platonically just to see how I am and this would be the first time, so I find that a little hard to believe.

 

I already took care of the situation so I'm not necessarily asking for advice on how to handle her, more of just non-biased interpretations of what she said.

 

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Edited January 28, 2017 by silver90

[ElizabethIII]

You broke up a year ago, why are you still talking to her?

 

Block her.

[bluefeather]

I already took care of the situation so I'm not necessarily asking for advice on how to handle her, more of just non-biased interpretations of what she said.

 

 

took care of the situation, huh? I don't believe that, but ok. I'll give as non-biased as I can.

 

I guess I have two questions:

1) What do you take her response to mean?

2) Even if she did mean it as option 1, is it really possible that she didn't mean anything by texting me at 3 in the morning? She never reaches out platonically just to see how I am and this would be the first time, so I find that a little hard to believe.

 

1: I take her response to mean, "I'm lying to you."

2: Sorry, you're second question is too convoluted for me to answer. But again, I think she's a liar. She knows what her intentions were when she contacted you.

[Positiveone]

This is entirely up to you, the past will continue to repeat it self it seems. Look at this on going pattern of *leaves bread crum trail* you bite* bread crum trail stops*

 

History repeats itself.

[elaine567]

How young is she?

[enddeck]

She loves the feeling of still having power over you.She texts and you answer,she goes cold and you are wondering what went wrong.

Either block her or go back to her,it's not brain surgery.

[umirano]

She's tugging the leash to see if she can still make you jump, and you oblige. So that's what you are teaching her to do, and she'll continue, as long as it's making her feel good. She'll stop when she has someone else to toy with. Or when you stop rewarding her.

 

Your choice.

[jamili]

Stop responding completely and see what she does. Either she'll drop the games and want you back for real, or she will eventually give up and let it go. That's the only way to know for sure if she is f'ing with you or not. Force her to make a decision one way or another. By constantly responding to her, and getting the hot/cold BS, you are turning into a doormat she can manipulate. Every time you respond now her attraction to you drops further and further. A confident, domiant male doesnt eat up the breadcrumbs and pine for her approval. He moves on with his life, with or without her, and if she wants to let him walk away that's her choice but it wont affect him one way or the other.

 

Hard NC- ignore unless she very seriously wants you back. Ironically doing this will increase her attraction anyways. Its a win/win for you. IGNORE

[BC1980]

I think that this answer could go one of two ways, either meaning:

1) that she didn't think it would emotionally affect me and she was reaching out "as a friend", not thinking (though we certainly are not and that in itself could be a cop out for being called out)

2) she is impulsive and wasn't thinking of anything beyond wanting to speak to me in that moment (this I can co-sign and it was a huge problem in our relationship, where she would do things she simply wasn't ready for yet. Her heart always rules her head, but then she backtracks on her actions as a result)

 

I guess I have two questions:

1) What do you take her response to mean?

2) Even if she did mean it as option 1, is it really possible that she didn't mean anything by texting me at 3 in the morning? She never reaches out platonically just to see how I am and this would be the first time, so I find that a little hard to believe.

 

I would take her at her word. Her two reasons are very plausible reasons for reaching out to you. Number two is very much a reason people reach out. Especially with texting, it's easy to reach out but keep you at arm's length. There's very little commitment in a text. It's an easy way for people to test the waters but then pull back.

 

I think it's very likely she didn't mean anything by texting you at 3AM. This has been going on for a year, and she has never met face to face right? Only texting? So you have to take her at her word because her actions do back up her words. If she wanted to to press further and see you in person, she would because she knows you are open to meeting. So the reason she doesn't want to meet you in person is simply because she doesn't want to.