BF broke up with me, being so cold and heartless, is he the bad one?

[chromelover23]

Apologies in advance for the long post.Me and my boyfriend of 7 months havent spoken for 5 days. We were at his parents for Christmas, we were getting on ok although things could be better. For the past month or so he has been very negative, complaining alot, when your around that it tends to affect you and make you feel like rubbish. The last night we were there we went out to a pub with his sister and her boyfriend. The whole time we were there he didn't really speak to me and he was pretty drunk - he was being very loud and sarcastic in general felt as if it was aimed towards me but who knows. Then we were all walking back home - we parted with his sister and her boyfriend and I had a bottle of cider in my hands and I didn't want it so I placed it next to a bin - he said your not wasting that and started drinking it i told him I didn't really want him to drink anymore as he was quite drunk and acting like a dick towards me. He threw it on the floor and it smashed. He then went to carry on walking to get some food but I didn't want to entertain that kind of behaviour so I walked off and went back to his parents. I went to bed and that was that. The next morning he was trying to be affectionate and I said don't you remember what you did and he said what throw a bottle? You were nagging me not to drink it and I said no I just wanted you to not be a dick to me anymore and he said sorry and that he loves me. I said what was wrong with you last night it seemed like you hated me and he said well I suppose your frustrations come out when your drunk - you haven't really been affectionate towards me since we've been here and I said well I don't really feel happy your always negative and complaining about everything and it's just dragging me down and you acting like that last night has just pushed me away. He didn't really say anything then proceeded to get up and make coffee. Anyways we were going home that day and didn't talk all day - I went out for a walk by the time I got back he had put all his stuff in the car and left all mine in the room. So I took it all down. We spoke on the way back in a civil manner but it was like we were strangers. He dropped me home we hugged for a few seconds then he went. I didn't talk to him I just wanted some space and hoping he would realise the way he had been acting was making me unhappy because I TOLD him it was. But instead I didn't hear anything off him, then his sister told me he went back to his parents for new years 2 days later and he didn't even mention it. As far as I'm aware he's still there and haven't heard a word off him. I told him how he was making me feel but instead of realizing that he just hasn't spoken to me at all. I feel like I shouldn't speak to him because he needs to realise how he is making me feel. In these situations it's always me speaking first and apologising for God knows what it's like he has a way of making me feel bad and he should be the one getting apologies. I haven't done anything. He's very stubborn and has ALOT of pride and I feel as if he'll never talk to me again if I don't speak to him. Or maybe he doesn't want to be with me. He hasn't changed his relationship status on Facebook so I'm just confused as to why he hasn't spoke to me when I haven't done anything wrong - he's the one that has been making me unhappy. Some advice would be helpful.

Edited January 1, 2017 by chromelover23
Missed out info

[LargoLagg]

My advice would be to take that space you said you needed. If he never calls back, you'll realize he wasn't the guy you thought he was.

 

Whoever calls first loses this battle.

[savvy2008]

Don't call him...he does nothing but bring you down. You should feel happy with the person you are with. Dating a negative person is such a drag. It feels like you're having a good day and then when you spend time with them you start feeling negative like them.

 

 

If he does call you, tell him exactly how you feel. You did nothing wrong though and I definitely wouldn't contact him first.

[smackie9]

It's quite possible he is just not feeling it anymore. His complaints are out of his frustration for these lost feelings. (just my opinion)

 

I don't think an apology is really going to happen, but what you should do is have a very frank conversation with him and ask if he is in agreement that this relationship has met it's end. He's unhappy and you are unhappy.....sometimes the honeymoon is over and things have run their course.

[kendahke]

Give him a ton of space. Let it extend to past valentine's day (6 weeks from today).

 

If he doesn't contact you, then you have your answer--he's over the relationship but doesn't have the stones to tell you to your face. He may never tell you and instead take the passive/aggressive path by letting you figure out on your own what he's thinking.

 

Bad communication will gut any relationship--but it will sink a bad one faster.

[losangelena]

Ugh. My ex would do that kind of stuff. Get upset about something, clam up, and then I'd have to do the work of getting it out of him. Even then, he'd deny anything was the matter, before spilling whatever it was that was bothering him.

 

It was tiresome, and honestly the thing I liked least about him.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you are correct that doesn't want the relationship anymore, OP.

 

That's probably why he's been such a grump; he subconsciously (or consciously, perhaps) wanted out and this is his way of doing it. Immature, yes.

 

You are seeing that you two aren't a good match. It's likely better that this ends now.

[Zahara]

There's no bad or good. This relationship wasn't healthy for both of you. Regardless of who said what, and who did what, this is the best thing to happen for you. You mentioned that everytime there is strife, he's dumped you. One too many dumps. You should have checked out a long time ago.

[Been]

He cheated on you. EVERYTHING else is a moot point.

I'm sorry that happened to you. But it's not you-it's him so keep that in your mind. Some people just can't be honest and they have to lie and cheat-you need to meet someone that will treat you the way you should be treated.

Cheating should be the deal breaker. And you don't have to actually catch them in the act-sometimes your gut just knows.

[VeveCakes]

Can't get past the tissue. Did you go through the garbage? How can you be sure whose it is? And whyyyyy would you confront someone about that. So odd...

[chromelover23]

He cheated on you. EVERYTHING else is a moot point.

I'm sorry that happened to you. But it's not you-it's him so keep that in your mind. Some people just can't be honest and they have to lie and cheat-you need to meet someone that will treat you the way you should be treated.

Cheating should be the deal breaker. And you don't have to actually catch them in the act-sometimes your gut just knows.

 

He didn't cheat, he masturbated. my mom was at home ( I live at home)

[ExpatInItaly]

Can't get past the tissue. Did you go through the garbage? How can you be sure whose it is? And whyyyyy would you confront someone about that. So odd...

 

I also find that bizarre.

 

What made you even want to inpect a random tissue in the garbage, OP? You wouldn't have known what was on it if you hadn't been anxious enough to pick it up an examine the contents?

 

I can't for the life of me figure out why you felt it was necessary to mention at all.

[chromelover23]

I also find that bizarre.

 

What made you even want to inpect a random tissue in the garbage, OP? You wouldn't have known what was on it if you hadn't been anxious enough to pick it up an examine the contents?

 

I can't for the life of me figure out why you felt it was necessary to mention at all.

 

It didn't bother me at all, we were comfortable enough with eachother to be able to talk about it and perhaps have a giggle, but he outright denied it was him. There was only my mom in the house, he didn't have to lie to my face and swear he didn't, I didn't even care

[VeveCakes]

It didn't bother me at all, we were comfortable enough with eachother to be able to talk about it and perhaps have a giggle, but he outright denied it was him. There was only my mom in the house, he didn't have to lie to my face and swear he didn't, I didn't even care

 

Why did you examine the garbage.

How can you possibly know whose it was and when it got there. Maybe your mom has a secret man in the house...

 

If it was him he was obviously embarrassed.

[ExpatInItaly]

It didn't bother me at all, we were comfortable enough with eachother to be able to talk about it and perhaps have a giggle, but he outright denied it was him. There was only my mom in the house, he didn't have to lie to my face and swear he didn't, I didn't even care

 

The reason I don't believe this is becasue you actually needed to take the tissue out of the trash and have a look at what was inside.

 

Someone who doesn't care wouldn't have even noticed a random tissue in the trash in the first place.

 

It's a rather moot point now, but you actions are pretty strange too.

[chromelover23]

The reason I don't believe this is becasue you actually needed to take the tissue out of the trash and have a look at what was inside.

 

Someone who doesn't care wouldn't have even noticed a random tissue in the trash in the first place.

 

It's a rather moot point now, but you actions are pretty strange too.

 

I was changing the bin and hate to take the lid off - I noticed it on the top it had a funny coloured stuff on it and was stuck together (yuck) so I wondered what I was I hadn't put it there and I could smell it so I knew what it was immediately. I'm not feeling too great what do you think of how hes acted apart from that? Hes made me feel like I'm a terrible person.

[Zahara]

It didn't bother me at all, we were comfortable enough with eachother to be able to talk about it and perhaps have a giggle, but he outright denied it was him. There was only my mom in the house, he didn't have to lie to my face and swear he didn't, I didn't even care

 

It didn't seem like he was comfortable but likely embarrassed and denied it. I also find it bizarre that you would go through the trash and examine tissues. And who cares if he masturbated. Not sure why you would even bring it up.

[VeveCakes]

You could smell it? I don't see how, or why you pull it apart. I'm sorry, I just can't get passed this.

 

I honestly think the issues are minor and it seems like a lot of drama over nothing.

[basil67]

Such a fuss you made over a tissue! There are some things which really don't need to be mentioned, and this was one of them. Had you kept your observations to yourself, you wouldn't be in this situation.

 

That said, you've just had a break from him because of his negativity. Assuming that his negativity hasn't magically gone away, why did you return? If someone's behaviour is so annoying that we need time away from them, it's a sign that they aren't the right person for us.

 

Lastly, to answer your question about how he was able to turn off so quickly - it's very possible to do when a partner upsets us sufficiently.