whatredflags Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 So I've been dating Chris* (44) since 2013 and in that time he has not been able to hold down a job, which has been the main issue in our whole relationship. Its a week here, a day there, gets a full time job, has too many sick days early on and gets sacked. Yes I'm the dumb one for staying but when your in love your blind! Just this past week he has had 3 different jobs and a day off and its only Thursday! Our love is volatile, it's so passionate and loving but when it comes to money I just lose it. I've had 2 jobs in the 3 years that I changed cause we moved to a new area and its always been up to me to borrow money, keep us going, and I have developed a strong resentment and trust issues because of all this. There are so many times I don't want to go to work but that is life and you just have to suck it up and go. So we were living together and we split up in June, broke our lease which cost me thousands, and we continue to see each other on the sly. But it is so volatile now that we see each other on the weekend, I'm back at work Monday, but he is jumping around from job to job, telling, me all the reasons why, which I'm just shaking my head at, and then by Wednesday he I "So over my bull****" which is basically me questioning his job/work day and then a week later he is sorry and wants me back and then it happens all over again. I instil NC but he calls and leaves VM messages and then I start texting him and he creeps back in again. I know its me being weak, I know its never going to change, but there is this pull that keeps me going back. Actually in saying that, I saw him Monday night, and from the moment he got in the car he was talking AT ME, about his job and how he isn't doing what he did last time and he isn't going back but he has work lined up for the week through agencies, but he just doesn't get it! It's too unstable for me to live like this. I don't even know what I'm asking, I guess I'm just wanting to read everyone's comments to make me stronger to stay away this time. I know what I have to do, its just doing it that is the hard part!
TheWhittler Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I dated a guy like this once. It didn't change until I plucked up the courage to walk away and stay away. It was really difficult to do but after a short time of getting shot of him I felt a whole lot better. I felt more secure and safe. By reading your words it sounds to me as though you want to leave. Time to put your foot down if that is what you want to do. Good luck. I hope it works out for you whatever you decide.
BluesPower Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 You know, you are dating a man child, and at 44 he will never change. And honestly, as pretty as you are you could just do so much better. Also, I get the passion thing and great sex and whatnot, but you can find that with a stable man. I have had that with a lot of women so it does happen more than once in your life. I don't know how many women, either friends or lovers that have put up with this kind of stuff in there lives. A guy does not have to be rich for you to be happy, but someone who knows how to work and be an adult would really be a better situation, don't you think? Just keep NC and actually block his number from your phone so that there is no way for him to contact you. The longer you stay away the easier it will be to stay away. Start dating and take your time before you pick one so that you know the passion is there and that he is a stable human being. Good luck...
Author whatredflags Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Thanks TheWhittler & your right, I do want to leave, I don't really know what it is that keeps pulling me back a cause after the last time I saw him, I felt like my feeling for him have changed form love and hope to loathing & pity! He does also have an drinking problem, and swore he would stop, and when I saw him on Monday, he jumped in my car with a beer! Then when I called him on it, he said it was hot and he had worked hard all day! It's never going to change. Thanks also BluesPower, for saying I'm pretty, makes me feel happy. I have never gone after a man for money, all I have ever asked is that they have a job and a life outside us, so we have time to be ourselves and then come back together. I cant see us ever moving forward as we keep moving backwards! I did download Tinder but its just a bunch of losers after a quickie and I don't want that. After not living with him I feel I have more power over my own life and decisions, he can be very persuasive, with his tokens of love & affection, I miss affection and I think that is what sucks me back in. He is 3 weeks behind in his rent cause he doesn't work much so I'm sure he will be kicked out soon, and then he will be on the phone again making promises and begging me to give him another chance. Its so draining. I hope I can move on soon and forget about him. 1
BluesPower Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Look, tinder is for hookups... Use OK Cupid or Plenty of fish, there are real people on there. And take your time sweetie, I am sure a metric ton of men out there will want to take you out. And just cull through them, you don't own anyone anything because you go out for coffee or tea probably in the land down under. Go out and meet some people, take your time. And you are a pretty woman, and I think you know that, if you don't take my word for it. You deserve a stable, normal man that can make you happy. Just stay strong and understand that this guy is not your responsibility or problem. Just keep him out of your life. 1
hestheone66 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I supported a man, who at first I loved deeper than anyone prior... He never was employed more than a few hours a week (enough for weed, cigarettes, booze) Great passionate connection, that withered due to me having to do it all. Several breakups, always promises of change and sweet talk. I had an epiphany when I realized that it was NOT love on his part... He was just using me and taking advantage of my caretaking nature. Once I decided to leave I never accepted his attempts to contact me...I was done..it had been 12 years and I was physically emotionally exhausted... After I healed being single for a few years, I met a beautiful, solid, caring, generous, man who really loves me and doesn't try and manipulate. I realise I had been accustomed to shabby treatment anD was overly grateful for the tiniest gestures. You're not in a loving relationship, but a cycle of co-dependancy...you can break the cycle and go dark....you will be ok. Btw do you have parents who were addicts or depressed when you were a child? 1
TheWhittler Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I mistook the anxiety and panic I used to feel for pangs of "love". That is why I stayed. I am not saying you are the same but sometimes those flutters of "love" physically feel very similar to the flutters of fear and panic... 1
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