luvlylu Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 It's a terribly long story but basically, my live-in boyfriend of 4 years decided that after a long period of periodic bickering, he needed a "break" from the negativity of the relationship. He never suggested a break-up, but that he needed to get himself together emotionally and mentally to get back to a place where he can contribute positively to the relationship. His version of the break included us continuing to live together and essentially not dealing with one another. Well, after several months of trying that unsuccessfully, I decided that the only way for me to give him the space he needs is to temporarily move out. It was impossible for me to see him every day, exist in the same space, while being completely ignored and seemingly worthless and not feel hurt over and over again. We have a child together and I have two children from a previous marriage. Since it's summer break, I send my older children to stay with their father for a few weeks and I took my youngest son with me to stay with a friend. We agreed that I would continue to pay my share of the mortgage and utilities that I was paying and that he would have our son every other weekend and a few evenings for dinner. Well yesterday, he randomly started sending text message attacks accusing me of being selfish for removing our son from the home just because I "couldn't deal" and threw low blows at me for being a few days late on the mortgage even though I communicated that to him in advance and he said it was fine. I really don't know what to do at this point. I attempted to give him what he needs in a way that doesn't drag me down in the process and now I'm being made to be selfish and abandoning my financial responsibilities. Any insight? Is this a childish temper tantrum or was this "break" really code for "break-up" and his true feelings for me are showing now? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 It sounds like he wants to break up but still have his son there and for you to continue to pay your share of his bills. You two should sell the home, split the profits and move on. He doesn't seem like he wants to be with you anymore and is using the "I need a break" as an excuse to get rid of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvlylu Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 Well, we are both on the mortgage and the title and he has stated several times that he refuses to sell the home and he isn't moving. So essentially, I either stay at the house and be miserable or leave and lose everything I put into the house. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Consult and attorney. If you own half of the house I don't see how he can just decide to keep it and expect you to not live there and pay half the mortgage. Do not hold on to hope that he will want you back. He is treating you and your kids horribly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 So essentially, I either stay at the house and be miserable or leave and lose everything I put into the house. Or you see a lawyer and explore ways to get your half of the equity out of the house. He will most likely either have to buy you out, or sell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 It's a terribly long story but basically, my live-in boyfriend of 4 years decided that after a long period of periodic bickering, he needed a "break" from the negativity of the relationship. He never suggested a break-up, but that he needed to get himself together emotionally and mentally to get back to a place where he can contribute positively to the relationship. His version of the break included us continuing to live together and essentially not dealing with one another. Well, after several months of trying that unsuccessfully, I decided that the only way for me to give him the space he needs is to temporarily move out. It was impossible for me to see him every day, exist in the same space, while being completely ignored and seemingly worthless and not feel hurt over and over again. We have a child together and I have two children from a previous marriage. Since it's summer break, I send my older children to stay with their father for a few weeks and I took my youngest son with me to stay with a friend. We agreed that I would continue to pay my share of the mortgage and utilities that I was paying and that he would have our son every other weekend and a few evenings for dinner. Well yesterday, he randomly started sending text message attacks accusing me of being selfish for removing our son from the home just because I "couldn't deal" and threw low blows at me for being a few days late on the mortgage even though I communicated that to him in advance and he said it was fine. I really don't know what to do at this point. I attempted to give him what he needs in a way that doesn't drag me down in the process and now I'm being made to be selfish and abandoning my financial responsibilities. Any insight? Is this a childish temper tantrum or was this "break" really code for "break-up" and his true feelings for me are showing now? Well, after several months of trying that unsuccessfully -- This is beyond a childish tantrum, he's checking out of the relationship and now looking for a "real" reason for him to do what he should have done some time ago. Sure, people who live together sometimes need a little space, so what they should do is do somethings for themselves, go out with friends, visit family a little more, get involved in a project, etc. but not be closed off and ignoring each other for months. Guys in a live in situation, usually create space for themselves by hanging out in the garage or man cave, get busy with household projects, hang with buddies a bit more, but not this! me of being selfish for removing our son from the home just because I "couldn't deal" -- There is a price to pay for pushing a partner away especially to this degree. When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. You were left with no choice in this situation. If you can't communicate with each other, you "can't deal" with it. In addition, the tension in the home has to be affecting your son and the other children. Don't think for one minute that it doesn't. Children feel that on a deep level and it's makes them feel insecure and confused. The children are the #1 priority here and it's your job as a mother to shield them from all this especially since the father isn't upholding his role as a loving partner to you and not keeping the interests of the children in mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kvolm2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 Was there something in particular that this "long period of bickering" was being fueled by? And is his perception that you are the only one causing the "negativity" or does he feel like he contributes too and wanted to stop? Was there a plan when you moved out for how long you would be gone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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