WhatsWhat Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Hi Everyone, I'm new here but have read a ton to help me through my break up. It's been about 4.5 months since he ended our 4 year relationship. I met him on line and we felt an instant click. Right from the start, he said he didn't want a 'relationship' because break ups were too hard. ??? Anyway, he said he wanted to date other people. I said, sure but then there's no benefits from me, if you know what I mean We're not kids, he was 50 at the time (although, slightly immature) and I was 46. Anyway, about 2.5 months in, I said that that was fine and went out on a lunch date with another guy. He called right after I got home and asked me how it went. Long story short, he said he wanted to be exclusive. Fast forward....he always said that I wanted more and got mad at me for that. I said that all I wanted was for him to just let things be able to run into whatever thet were supposed to but he fought it all the way. We broke up after a year and then he came back. Then we broke up after 2 years and he came back. Looking back now, I shouldn't have let him. Anyway, we had MAJOR stressful things going on in both our lives that put a huge strain on everything and we both knew it. The extent of the baggage he had was kept from me at the beginning, unfortunately. It came to a peak last year (his daughter has huge emotional issues) and his ex is not capable of coping with it so he was quite consumed in dealing with this. I'm blabbering now. Basically, the break up was bad. He said he knew I wasn't the one, I said that this strain was skewing his perception. Whatever, it was what it was. He's always had commitment issues; even to life in general. When I met him, he was working a dead end job that he fell into when his business tanked and was sowing no desire to do anything other than that. Throughout the 4 years, I encouraged him to get his business going and he was enthused again and things were going well. Then his daughter issue came up and everything tanked. When we broke up, I was in a bad state (depressed and lost my job) and I begged him to try to get the feeling back. he said there was no going back. So, he left and I tried to get him to just admit that he had been ****ty about just leaving when I had put everything on hold to help him, his daughter and his ex. That basically he had used me. I asked him to meet me about a month after break up and I basically laid everything out and told him how ****ty he had been. No apology of course He did the typical thing and went back on the dating site about 2 weeks into the break up. He said he wanted to be friends, but I said no, I had friends, and I wouldn't expect them to treat my the way he did. That he should have talked to me about what was going on before just trashing it in the manner that he did. Now, 4.5 months later, even though he wanted to 'be friends', he is agitated and doesn't seem to make sense with things he says when we talk (we have talked recently because I demanded that he get his things picked up). I did not see him when he came-I packed everything and left it in the garage. He needed to make a 2nd trip and I told him to do it within the week. He didn't. Disregard for me again, big surprise. He said he kept putting things off because he felt that I wasn't 'moving on'. I told him not to worry about that, I was moving on and he had no right to just assume that I would keep his things. So, as it turns out now, he is having a miserable time on the dating site (I know I shouldn't check, but it's human nature I guess)--he's updating his profile saying things like 'If I email and you don't respond you ca go love yourself or some other a*hole'. And, 'If we set up a meeting then don't cancel on the date' Very angry, negative things really. So we have a mutual item that we need to sell (or he can buy me out) and I asked him if he had gotten anywhere with this potential buyer. He texted to say that we need to talk about. I said ok and then he called. Again, still agitated (not angry), and a bit stammering. I'm fine, haven't contacted him, told him months ago that I don't want what he brings back into my life. I told him that I have a new job. He said he isn't making much but he doesn't need much (he is now living with his mom and dad-don't forget, he is 54 now) and plans to live in a trailer on his property. He even said that the future to him is 60 and that he isn't looking beyond that. I said, that's too bad, I would have thought you would have gotten a little further ahead by now. Oh, also, he basically didn't drink at all unless he went out with his friends (which was rarely) and the other day, I spoke to him at 1 in the afternoon and he was still drunk from the night before. That must be real nice for his parents. Thanks in advance for letting me ramble and get this off my chest. I just don't know why he is so nervous and unsure when he has to interact with me. Can anyone shed some insight? I'm starting to feel sorry for him now, if you can believe that.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 His daughter isn't the only one with huge emotional issues. He sounds like a boy in a man's body; he's operating at a very immature level and isn't going to change. That's why he behaves the way he does. He doesn't know how to interact like an adult. At his age, he should be well past this. Sadly, you're seeing who he really is. Non-committal and quite dysfunctional. You need to truly and finally cut ties with him. Give him a deadline to sell whatever this shared item is. And please stop checking his online activity on the dating site; continuing to do so proves him right in a way - you're not really moving on.
Author WhatsWhat Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 Yes, he is screwed up for sure. He's like a complete stranger now. I don't even know who he is anymore. But yes, you're right. I know I shouldn't be looking at his profile on the dating site but i'm not going to lie; I got some satisfaction from knowing that it's been miserable for him. I just don't understand why, after saying that he always wanted to stay i touch to know how I was and he wanted to be friends, he is stressed every time we have contact. I'm pretty nonchalant about everything when I do talk to him now (especially now that I see he is becoming more and more pathetic) so it shouldn't be stressing him out.
Recommended Posts