interfering parents [UPDATED]

[missingmybaby]

Hello all,

 

First time poster on here so would really appreciate your help with my situation

 

Bit of background.

 

Recently starting seeing an awesome girl. We had been dating for approx 2 or 3 months before making it official last month. We started off as friends and gradually over time fell for each other and fell in love and have been ever since.

 

I am 28 and she is 22. I have children from a previous relationship but she is fine with this even at her young age. I see them a couple of times a week and obviously in contact with my ex but she is happy with this situation and she understands.

 

We had been on/off several times but after time we managed to work things out and we became so happy. We would see one another whenever we could, spent nights together and spend quality time together. We had spoken about being together forever, moving in together etc. I appreciate that its early to mention about these things but we were soul mates, I’ve never had a connection like it with any other ex girlfriend. We were each others rock and we were so so happy.

 

She currently still lives at home with her parents and we were tending to see each other a few times a week. A little while ago she had mentioned to her mum who she is close with about mine and her relationship but she wasn’t overly keen on the idea. Nor was her dad. They basically don’t like that I have “baggage” and think that I will lead her on etc. They haven’t met me so are judging me completely, but I understand from a parents perspective that they want the best for their child.

 

They told her that she wasn’t allowed to see me anymore, she tried to move out to a family members but they made her come back.

After this we still saw each other but she wouldn’t tell her parents she was seeing me. I believe her mum knew deep down and would often mention to her but never actually stopped her doing it but obviously didn’t approve and her and her mums relationship was slightly affected by this.

 

Recently her dad got wind of mine and her relationship and after a massive row told her that she has to stop seeing me and made her choose.

 

She told me via email last week that this had to stop because she couldn’t see me any more and we can still be friends etc, the usual break up chat!! She is being slightly distant and I am trying to give her space but at the same time I miss her like crazy and its hurting that I no she feels the same. I think she is distancing herself because she cant see that we can be together etc so is trying to come to terms with it.

I have seen her once since and she admitted to me that she still loves me and if there was a way of us being together she would do it but she cant go behind her parents back (which I wouldn’t expect her too) and she cant afford to move out at the moment.

 

 

 

The issues I have are that we are still very much in love with each other and we want to be together but her family situation is getting in the way.

 

Can anyone suggest a way(s) that I can prove to her family that I am worth a chance? Rather than judging me. How can I prove to her that it’s worth fighting for?

 

I appreciate any help or advice you guys can provide

[Redhead14]

Hello all,

 

First time poster on here so would really appreciate your help with my situation

 

Bit of background.

 

Recently starting seeing an awesome girl. We had been dating for approx 2 or 3 months before making it official last month. We started off as friends and gradually over time fell for each other and fell in love and have been ever since.

 

I am 28 and she is 22. I have children from a previous relationship but she is fine with this even at her young age. I see them a couple of times a week and obviously in contact with my ex but she is happy with this situation and she understands.

 

We had been on/off several times but after time we managed to work things out and we became so happy. We would see one another whenever we could, spent nights together and spend quality time together. We had spoken about being together forever, moving in together etc. I appreciate that its early to mention about these things but we were soul mates, I’ve never had a connection like it with any other ex girlfriend. We were each others rock and we were so so happy.

 

She currently still lives at home with her parents and we were tending to see each other a few times a week. A little while ago she had mentioned to her mum who she is close with about mine and her relationship but she wasn’t overly keen on the idea. Nor was her dad. They basically don’t like that I have “baggage” and think that I will lead her on etc. They haven’t met me so are judging me completely, but I understand from a parents perspective that they want the best for their child.

 

They told her that she wasn’t allowed to see me anymore, she tried to move out to a family members but they made her come back.

After this we still saw each other but she wouldn’t tell her parents she was seeing me. I believe her mum knew deep down and would often mention to her but never actually stopped her doing it but obviously didn’t approve and her and her mums relationship was slightly affected by this.

 

Recently her dad got wind of mine and her relationship and after a massive row told her that she has to stop seeing me and made her choose.

 

She told me via email last week that this had to stop because she couldn’t see me any more and we can still be friends etc, the usual break up chat!! She is being slightly distant and I am trying to give her space but at the same time I miss her like crazy and its hurting that I no she feels the same. I think she is distancing herself because she cant see that we can be together etc so is trying to come to terms with it.

I have seen her once since and she admitted to me that she still loves me and if there was a way of us being together she would do it but she cant go behind her parents back (which I wouldn’t expect her too) and she cant afford to move out at the moment.

 

 

 

The issues I have are that we are still very much in love with each other and we want to be together but her family situation is getting in the way.

 

Can anyone suggest a way(s) that I can prove to her family that I am worth a chance? Rather than judging me. How can I prove to her that it’s worth fighting for?

 

I appreciate any help or advice you guys can provide

 

I have children from a previous relationship but she is fine with this even at her young age -- At her young age she doesn't have a clue how an instant family would affect her and her parenting skills are going to be weak at best.

 

How can I prove to her that it’s worth fighting for? -- You can't because you don't have a crystal ball and, she has to want to "fight" for it and if she really did want to fight for it, she'd be doing it.

Can anyone suggest a way(s) that I can prove to her family that I am worth a chance? -- You go to meet them. You tell them you care very much for their daughter and then you tell them you will respect their wishes and leave the daughter alone. But, you hope that they will relax their opinion and allow the two of you to see one another and leave it at that.

[LydiaLong]

Dump her and find a grown up girl to go out with.

[d0nnivain]

If she is unable or unwilling to stand up to her family, move out of her house & make her own choices, there is nothing you can do.

 

 

Sadly, I don't think she's as mature as you need her to be.

[Cherryz]

SHe is 22, thats grown up.

But at same time very young. And maybe also naive, looking at her still living at home she may be!

 

Her parents are just being parents for one part. And they are right for having concerns. You are older, you have baggage. And is it fair for a 22 year old girl to go deal with baby mama drama already?

While she can be free and happy enjoying her youth? Beside how you gonna have this type of heavy topics with her, while she haven't seen much of the world yet?

I think she is very young and do this all more out of feelings. And not much thinking.

 

Being together 2/3 months and on off alot already in that period? Is not a good sign.

 

Because she is a young adult, not a teen anymore, and can choose herself, i would say even thou i think the parents may be right to have those concerns,

if a man really care or at-least respect a girl he wouldn't encourage her to go against her parents but step up and meet with the parents.

To at-least let them see who you are.

Or that you not this sneaky older guy that is just into messing around with their daughter.

 

But best would be find closure and move on. Date people of your age.

[missingmybaby]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I agree with the most part of what you guys have said so far. She had gone against her parents previously, but since the most recent argument it seems that's put the nail in the coffin.

 

Most people have said move on but it's difficult knowing you both feel the same and it's not like either of us have changed feelings.

 

For me when you love someone you truly love someone you continue to fight no matter what. If she's not willing to it has crossed my mind maybe she loved the thought of me and what we had and not actual in love with me, I dunno.

 

I had thought about writing a letter to her parents or trying to meet them to ease their fears a bit!

[d0nnivain]

If you have never met the parents, do invite them out to dinner so they can get to know you as a person. If you haven't man enough to walk to the front door to pick their daughter up for a date & shake the Dad's hand it's no wonder they have a bad impression of you.

[missingmybaby]

Hi All,

 

I wrote on here a little while ago back in February and a lot has happened since then so back to get your opinions.

 

Me and ex broke up few months ago after being together for approx 6 months or so. She is 6 years younger than me in her early twenties. We split because her parents didn’t like her seeing me because i have children.

 

The relationship was very good, even go as far as too say potentially the one and soul mates etc. We had a very strong connection and helped each other through a lot

 

Since the break up we had a period of no contact, which was very hard for me. I then found out she had apparently been talking to another guy for a time we were together and now she was dating him to some extent very son after we split. We obviously pissed me off, but putting this down to rebound.

 

As of about 2/3 weeks ago we have become very close again slowly slowly building up communication with daily messages, phone calls and we have even met up several times since then for drinks and days out. Nothing happened just a lot of flirting and laughter we are getting on exactly like we did when we were together. She clearly is still in love with me and cares for me by the ways she acts.

 

My confusion is this, why has she got back in contact? Why is she asking to see me? To me it doesn’t make sense. Could it be attention and if she is still seeing this other guy i don’t want to be the second choice and potentially get hurt again.

 

I would like to get back with her deep down but there would still be the issue of her parents disapproving of us.

 

Help please on what i should do? Do i continue to talk and see her in hope? or maybe cut contact and move on?

[PegNosePete]

I would talk to her seriously and ask her what her intentions are. Don't let her be vague, she has had plenty of time to think. Tell her that you need to know if she wants to rekindle the relationship or not.

 

If she does, what is she going to do about the issue that caused your split?

 

If she can't give you a proper answer, then the answer is "no".

[missingmybaby]

Hi again all,

 

Keep posting on here as this girl is

so

confusing i need advice! Please see previous posts if you need a catch up on the history.

 

I’

m

very confused by my ex behaviour at present. Her behaviour suggest she still has strong feelings for me but I don’t know whether to act upon it or just move on. Here’s the signs she is giving me

 

Constant texting on a daily basis. She is usually texting me first and finding different way to begin conversations etc.

She has asked to see me twice in the past week. One for a meal and the other for a drink.

Conversations about our relationship and how good it was.

Mentioning how she still thinks about the sex and misses it etc.

Usually calls me once a day or every other day

Sends me daily selfies of outfits and pictures of her

Telling me about guys that have asked her out or tried talking to her (I’

m

assuming to make me jealous)

Flirting when we are with each other. Lots of eye contact, touching, holding hands, arms round me (No kissing though)

Telling me I was the best boyfriend, lover etc she’s had.

 

To me these seem quite strong but i could be misreading the signs. You know how us men work.

 

I am unsure as to act on this do i:

 

Have a conversation with her to see if she wants to try again etc

Go no contact and move on even though i still love her

Continue to carry on as we are and see if it develops into something but have the potential to get hurt if it doesn’t

 

Thanks!

[basil67]

Sounds like somewhere between attention seeking and weaning herself off you slowly.

 

Rather than guessing, how about asking her. Something like "you ended the relationship, so why do you keep contacting me?". If I was a betting person, I'd lay money that she'll reply "I want to be friends".

 

Don't be her friend.

[elaine567]

I am guessing she now wants to be "best" friends.

If she truly wanted you back she would say so and escalate things, here she gets to keep you close (but platonic), and she can still explore other options as a free woman. She is in her early twenties, she will find it exciting. Out in the world of dating, but she still has good old "missingmybaby" to pick up the slack if she needs it. Best of both worlds.

As her new "best" friend, she now feels comfortable enough to discuss her dating history with you... it is not uncommon.

She thinks she is being incredibly "adult", by keeping her ex as a friend. However as she is the one who has moved on, she doesn't realise how much this "closeness" will tear you apart.

[missingmybaby]

See this is why i post here because i never would of thought of these things!

 

Yes i think both those comments are correct. She us being a friend to me beause she feels its the right thing to do. But for me personally having the closeness is nice but it does make me want her more in a way.

 

Part of me feels like she is having her cake with me, knowing she still has me there and i will be there for her while she is still free to talk/see other guys.

 

Perhaps she doesnt see that by doing all those things she is seeking my attention and in a way giving me hope.

 

We have done the whole no contact thing but yet here we are in a way acting like we used to be but not seeing eachother as much and not being intimate etc.

[smudge21]

Have you asked her if she wants to get back together? The signs does say she's keen, but it could also be that she wants to keep you around as an option. You do not want to be anyone's option. If you ask her and she says no chance, then walk away and tell her to cut out the flirty stuff then. If you want to remain friends with her (I don't know the background sorry) then that's up to you, but friends and friends only (although personally I would never recommend friends with someone you have feelings for). If you want to get over her, then you go NC and spend your time healing. At the moment, without knowing for sure until you ask, it seems to me as if she's just keeping you sweet and hanging on. Feeding her own ego knowing you're still there whenever she wants, but also that you're far enough away and not with her so she can go live her life. If I were a betting man, I would put money on this lasting right up until it suddenly all stops and you find out weeks later she's started seeing someone else...

Edited April 14, 2016 by smudge21
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[leepetrus]

Cannot stress this enough. She may be having you up as a fallback option. Watch out for it. The thing is you've gotta be completely honest with her on what you're feeling, but don't apply pressure. I would tell to move on, and if she wants anything serious, she should act on it and say it clearly. You are a wonderful person, I'm sure, and there's no time in life to loose with games.

[Sgthaytham]

You're putting yourself right into the friend zone with her.

 

You're becoming her male girl friend.

 

What I would do is to tell her that you're not interested in being her male girlfriend, that you want her physically and emotionally. Tell her that you want to back away, cut contact and, if she wants to, she can contact you if she changes her mind.

 

Go No Contact as soon as this happens.

 

Chances are she will contact you. If she does, assume she wants to meet up and set an EVENING meet up.

 

This is the only thing you can do.

[Sgthaytham]

I am guessing she now wants to be "best" friends.

If she truly wanted you back she would say so and escalate things, here she gets to keep you close (but platonic), and she can still explore other options as a free woman. She is in her early twenties, she will find it exciting. Out in the world of dating, but she still has good old "missingmybaby" to pick up the slack if she needs it. Best of both worlds.

As her new "best" friend, she now feels comfortable enough to discuss her dating history with you... it is not uncommon.

She thinks she is being incredibly "adult", by keeping her ex as a friend. However as she is the one who has moved on, she doesn't realise how much this "closeness" will tear you apart.

 

If you think a girl is going to call you up or text you and beg for you back, you're going to be waiting a veeerrrrry loooooonnnnggg time.

 

Sure some girls might, most girls will not. They'll hint at it and then expect you to lead her.

 

The rest of your post is good advice though... It echoes with my beliefs.