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Overwhelming gut feeling?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 3rd February 2016, 10:20 PM   #1
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Overwhelming gut feeling?

So lately I've had an incredibly strong gut feeling telling me to leave my girlfriend. I have no idea where it's coming from either.
She is awesome, good looking, fun, sharp as a tack, and we really get along.
Everyones got little issues and regrets, as do I and her. Though nothing bad has ever happened since we've been together.
Where is this coming from? Do I follow it? Do I dismiss it?
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Old 3rd February 2016, 10:24 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Puller View Post
So lately I've had an incredibly strong gut feeling telling me to leave my girlfriend. I have no idea where it's coming from either.
She is awesome, good looking, fun, sharp as a tack, and we really get along.
Everyones got little issues and regrets, as do I and her. Though nothing bad has ever happened since we've been together.
Where is this coming from? Do I follow it? Do I dismiss it?
Can't tell you what to do. I had that feeling before, sat on it for a while, but it continued and I broke up with her. I've also had that feeling, but identified why I had it and had a conversation about what I would need from her to be more fulfilled from the relationship.

I'd sit on it for a little. Think about things like, do you have a future with her? Same goals? She might be great, are you compatible? Are you happy, or staying because you're avoiding the guilt of dumping or fear of the unknown? Lots to think about....hang out for a little, maybe take some space to yourself and think about it without her around.
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Old 3rd February 2016, 10:32 PM   #3
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@Brando
It's been going on for over a month now and has only gotten worse every day. The gut feeling is that something will go wrong or the future will be unhappy between us.
Goals? We both want to be successful and all, but I'm going into science and she's studying business. I want to provide greatly for my future family and she wants to save the world/environment.
Compatible? Not too sure what would make us truly compatible. First time I've liked someone this much.
Am I happy? Not really anymore because of these feelings.
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Old 3rd February 2016, 10:36 PM   #4
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@Brando
It's been going on for over a month now and has only gotten worse every day. The gut feeling is that something will go wrong or the future will be unhappy between us.
Goals? We both want to be successful and all, but I'm going into science and she's studying business. I want to provide greatly for my future family and she wants to save the world/environment.
Compatible? Not too sure what would make us truly compatible. First time I've liked someone this much.
Am I happy? Not really anymore because of these feelings.
I think you just answered your own question my man. If you're not happy in the relationship it isn't fair for either one of you to stay in it....

It's not your fault, it's how you feel. Might have to pull the trigger and call it quits.
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Old 3rd February 2016, 10:41 PM   #5
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@Brando
The thing is I don't want to give up and regret it. I worry that I'm just worrying about nothing. I tend to worry alot about things. I'm even worried I'm worrying here. I guess that's the only thing stopping me.
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Old 3rd February 2016, 10:45 PM   #6
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@Brando
The thing is I don't want to give up and regret it. I worry that I'm just worrying about nothing. I tend to worry alot about things. I'm even worried I'm worrying here. I guess that's the only thing stopping me.
Well you're pretty confused. Even then though...maybe you need to talk to her about it.

I wouldn't want someone I was dating to be unsure if they want to be with me. In my opinion, if all was good you wouldn't be having these feelings, you would be sure and contact.
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Old 3rd February 2016, 11:01 PM   #7
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@Brando
Yeah, that's true.
I guess we'll have a talk.
Thanks man.
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Old 3rd February 2016, 11:04 PM   #8
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Sleep on it...no need to have to come back begging if you don't have to. Do you feel like she is hiding something? Have you had this feeling in past relationships?
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Old 3rd February 2016, 11:21 PM   #9
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Puller,
How long have you guys been dating??
Sometimes when the honey-moon phase (infatuation) fades, young people tend to break off the relationship thinking that they are not in love anymore.
This is a normal part of the relationship dynamics. So, if this is what you are experiencing don't rush breaking things off with her.
Especially if things are great between you guys and there is no reason to.

Does she love you, care about you, does things for you, can you count on her during hard times, would she be there for you , also ask the same from yourself. Actions speak louder than words.
Example:
My best friend has a difficult marriage. For the husband himself comes first, no consideration for her, expects everything from her, does zero effort, for her or the marriage Their priorities and values are vastly different, this is a big one beacuse this difference has a constant effect on their everyday life. For example, he doesn't let the little kids play with play dough so THE CARPET doesn't get messed up. She wants to have the kids to have a happy upbringing, and in her eyes the kids' happiness is way more important than the freaking carpet I know this is a silly example but I wanted to show you how compatibility is crucial. Similar thinking, values, what's right and wrong is important. Not to mention really loving, caring , making sacrifices for the other. I really don't want you to rush into giving up something great, regret is the worst.
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Old 3rd February 2016, 11:46 PM   #10
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@Lostones05
I've been falling asleep with these feelings for over a month now. Never had these feelings before. My last relationship (of 3.5 years) I ended because I fell out of love with her but tried to fix thigs on my end before of course.
This is different. Just serious doubts. But read on to what I'm going to write to captivating.

@Captivating
I know about limmerance and I've felt it fade before. This relationship is at about 1.5 years. Love, care, effort, and all that? It's there on both ends. This isn't a doubt of my love for her. I love her and care for her deeply. But in regards to your friend. I hadn't thought about it much before but my gf and I have pretty different views on parenting that we've discussed (her example growing up was a druggy/alcoholic/abusive father). She would (seemingly) be like your friends father.
What other priorities and views would be important in all this?
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Old 4th February 2016, 7:25 PM   #11
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So I thought about it and there are actually some things that I was in denial about. I was just assuming that since I liked her so much it's just a weird gut feeling.
Some issues that bother me are her family. They are very disfunctional and troubled with drugs and alcohol. It worries me that she will be like that one day with a family. She used to be into drugs, but doesn't anymore. However she isn't really against drugs and kind of defends her families tendencies. As for alcohol, she doesn't necessarily drink often, but when she does, she doesn't know her limit. She also drinks when she's mad at me. I don't really drink much and actually prefer not to. I worry just a bit that she will mess up because of her drinking.
Also, differing views in politics, environment, religion, etc.
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Old 4th February 2016, 7:50 PM   #12
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Definitely tell her about it before you break up. It'll go easier on her that way.

Who knows? If you start badmouthing her family, she might even dump you?

WIN-WIN!
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Old 4th February 2016, 8:28 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Puller View Post
So I thought about it and there are actually some things that I was in denial about. I was just assuming that since I liked her so much it's just a weird gut feeling.
Some issues that bother me are her family. They are very disfunctional and troubled with drugs and alcohol. It worries me that she will be like that one day with a family. She used to be into drugs, but doesn't anymore. However she isn't really against drugs and kind of defends her families tendencies. As for alcohol, she doesn't necessarily drink often, but when she does, she doesn't know her limit. She also drinks when she's mad at me. I don't really drink much and actually prefer not to. I worry just a bit that she will mess up because of her drinking.
Also, differing views in politics, environment, religion, etc.
Sadly, she was raised in a seemingly disfunctional family. Not everyone is fortunate to have a nice upbringing. This is out of our control. You could have been raised the same way, now having a slightly different viewpoint about drugs and stuff.
Although I understand that if you married her, you would marry into that family and probably wouldn't like to have your kids exposed to the consequences of drugs and alcohol.
However, it would be really sad, if this fact would determine whether you stay together or not. Like I said, this circumstance is not her fault.
She was born into this.

Maybe if you could have an honest conversation with her about what worries you regarding your future.
Tell her what you told us.
Maybe you could tell her that in order to have a future together, you would really like if alcohol and drugs wouldn't be part of your lives at all.
??
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Old 4th February 2016, 8:45 PM   #14
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Also, differing views in politics, environment, religion, etc.
Also, differing views on certain things can be just fine. My hubby is religious and I am not. We are both accepting of this fact. His only concern that he wants me to be in Heaven with him when our time is up
Knowing what is right and wrong is determined by your moral compass, your CONSCIENCE. Regardless whether you are religious or not.

Your religion doesn't define you. Your actions define you, how you interact with others define you etc.

However, I would say similar thinking is crucial for a relationship to work.
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Old 4th February 2016, 8:54 PM   #15
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@mightycpa
haha
But we have talked about it. She doesn't deny their problems and I don't bash them either. She just defends their drug use.

@Captivating
I understand it's not in her control how she was raised. It may be unfair that she had such a nasty upbringing. But the fact stands that she has these views and beliefs whether on her own or because of a terrible family. Is it really right for me to be with someone who's core values differ so greatly than mine simply because she didn't choose her parents? I wouldn't date someone who was a kleptomaniac or violent because she learned it from her parents, and that's out of her control. Every person is largely who they are because of their parents. All the good and all the bad.
Honestly, the simple fact that she was brought up in such a dysfunctional family has minimal influence on whether or not I want to be with her.
And I have talked with her about it. A lot. She wants to be close to her family, and particularly her parents. She will not stop drinking. And of course she says she will be responsible, but then "I wasn't keeping track of how much I was drinking". Also, every once in a while she brings up wanting to get back into getting high (which would be a solid deal breaker for me).
I know it's not her fault she was raised the way she was, but if I break up with her, it's not a punishment for that, or anything really. It's solely a compatibility issue.
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