cameragirl Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Hello, I broke up with my ex literally a week ago. It was mostly that we were just not getting along, but I didn't really want to break up. I guess things happen. I still wanted to talk to him but he has been pretty much ignoring me for the most part so I've held off. He's always been an extremely calm, emotionally stable person who I always felt was very much in love with me. I found out today that he has deleted all photos of me from his FB, in addition to unfollowing my on Instagram, etc. I have no idea why he is being so cold and it's breaking my heart. Any ideas or reasoning behind this? Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Hello, I broke up with my ex literally a week ago. It was mostly that we were just not getting along, but I didn't really want to break up. I guess things happen. I still wanted to talk to him but he has been pretty much ignoring me for the most part so I've held off. He's always been an extremely calm, emotionally stable person who I always felt was very much in love with me. I found out today that he has deleted all photos of me from his FB, in addition to unfollowing my on Instagram, etc. I have no idea why he is being so cold and it's breaking my heart. Any ideas or reasoning behind this? Sounds like you've been contacting him and, if he's been ignoring you, he might be just temporarily upset or not interested in the relationship anymore. Either way, you should give him time and space to process the breakup and if he doesn't contact you in a couple of more days, maybe try to reach out one last time. If he remains silent, you should respect and accept his position, and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Brando Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 He's following the NC guide on this website..... You broke up with him. When my ex broke up with me it crushed me and I did all the same things he did. I blocked her, her friends and her family on all social media and began healing. Do you want him back or is your ego upset because he isn't chasing and begging? If you want him back contact him and give him a clear apology and tell him you want to work it out. Don't expect him to want to go right back. You hurt him bad when you broke up with him. If you don't want him back and you just wished he was chasing and pleading for you to take him back to validate your decision and feed your ego. Then please respect his healing and let him go. Sorry if your hurting. I'm just giving my 2 cents. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I did this when my ex broke up with me - It was in no way me trying to be cold towards her, merely just another way to cut ties and begin my process towards healing. I knew that if those photos were still up or if I was still following her social medias, then there would be a chance I would come across them during a time when all they would have done was set me back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 It's just part of the process of moving on. You broke up and so he wants to take the subsequent steps of removing reminders of you. It's part of the territory. I'm not clear about something though - who did the breaking up? And why do you say you didn't want it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Hello, I broke up with my ex literally a week ago. It was mostly that we were just not getting along, but I didn't really want to break up. I guess things happen. I still wanted to talk to him but he has been pretty much ignoring me for the most part so I've held off. He's always been an extremely calm, emotionally stable person who I always felt was very much in love with me. I found out today that he has deleted all photos of me from his FB, in addition to unfollowing my on Instagram, etc. I have no idea why he is being so cold and it's breaking my heart. Any ideas or reasoning behind this? I believe this has to do more with your ego and pride than about him. If the relationship is over, why does he want pics of you two on fb reminding him about what you once shared? To enjoy the suffering that comes from it? Maybe in the future he can look at those mementos without hard feelings, but now is not that time. The best thing you can both do is to move on by starting from 0. If you're missing the attention and the comfort you once had with him, it is time to start looking for that within yourself. You made a choice (based on reasoning), now you have to stick to it. Don't be selfish, do your work. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 It's his account. He can do as he pleases. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 You miscalculated and overplayed your hand. You broke up to gain the upper hand (power play) rather than communicating/negotiating in good faith. Deleting you on social media is his way of saying, I've had enough of your $hit and I'm moving on. If you want a chance of getting him back you're going to have to swallow some of that pride and admit that you made a mistake. Don't end the relationship as a way of winning an argument. Not only can it backfire... it's not good form. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cameragirl Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 I didn't really do the breaking up. It was more that the discussion started and then proceeded to end that way. In some ways I feel like he wanted it more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cameragirl Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 But the issue is that is usually a very calm and collective person, so this seems like a very childish and abrupt move to completely remove me from his life. And the breakup was a result of arguing, etc. not any sort of infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
JDam Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Well, you broke up with him, I suppose he did not want to break up? Was it nasty? So what should he do? I did exactly the same thing and I would do it again even today, after 10 months apart. He was extremely disrespectful toward me during the break up (over phone... so I guess he was asking for it?) so I removed him LITERALLY from everywhere. Not just facebook, I mean all social media, even including LinkedIn or shared files on dropbox (I know it sounds ridiculous), deleted all photos, tags, mentions etc. I just wanted to cut him out completely. Not sure if he cared or not but I think he did find out for sure because when he texted me 3 months later his first words were "I know you said I should get out of your life and you even acted like that after the break up (by deleting everything related to me on facebook) BUT bla bla bla". I hope it did hurt him, he deserved it. Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Abrupt?? He thought about it for a week. And no I don't think it was a "childish" move. Seems like a mature one to me. You guys broke up and he's removing the reminders of the relationship from his life. He's single now. He owes you nothing. Time to turn the page. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDam Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 But the issue is that is usually a very calm and collective person, so this seems like a very childish and abrupt move to completely remove me from his life. And the breakup was a result of arguing, etc. not any sort of infidelity. How is that childish? You guys broke up and he wants to heal. There is nothing childish about that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 But the issue is that is usually a very calm and collective person, so this seems like a very childish and abrupt move to completely remove me from his life. And the breakup was a result of arguing, etc. not any sort of infidelity. Who cares? Girl, breaking up with someone isn't a combat tactic, it's a death blow, OK? You don't break up with someone unless you actually mean it and you're done. If you didn't actually want to end it, you should have chosen a different method of fighting. Lesson learned for next time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 But the issue is that is usually a very calm and collective person, so this seems like a very childish and abrupt move to completely remove me from his life. And the breakup was a result of arguing, etc. not any sort of infidelity. Seems like you broke up with him in hopes of maybe getting a reaction and it backfired. I don't know what's going on in his head but removing someone after a breakup is the healthy thing to do. You think it's childish because you don't like the repercussions of your actions. Maybe you gave him an opening or maybe he at the end of his rope and believes the break up is best. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Hello, I broke up with my ex literally a week ago. ...but I didn't really want to break up. I still wanted to talk to him but he has been pretty much ignoring me... I didn't really do the breaking up. But the issue is that is usually a very calm and collective person, so this seems like a very childish and abrupt move to completely remove me from his life. And the breakup was a result of arguing, etc. not any sort of infidelity. We can only infer from what you wrote, but it sounds like you broke up with him but didn't want an actual breakup... more like you wanted him to try and reason with you from a position of weakness and convince you to give him a chance. Was deleting you on fb childish and abrupt? Not if you initiated the breakup in the heat of an argument as a way to gain the upper hand. Sounds like to me that what he saying is, I'm done––seriously done. My ex-w used to employ the D word as a strong-arm tactic... yea, I was shocked the first few times... but not nearly as shocked as she was when I agreed and retained a lawyer. How many times have you broken up previously? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cameragirl Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 This was the first time. I get that maybe it's his way of saying he is done, but I've never seen anyone do this before and I've gone through two previously breakups in longer term relationships. Has he just managed to move on that quick? It just feels like he is not hurting in the least bit. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 He could be hurting. Some people delete and block as a way to get over their hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JDam Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 This was the first time. I get that maybe it's his way of saying he is done, but I've never seen anyone do this before and I've gone through two previously breakups in longer term relationships. Has he just managed to move on that quick? It just feels like he is not hurting in the least bit. Well, it is definitely interesting to hear this perspective of a dumper. Maybe my ex was thinking the same. Well, maybe you didnt see it before because we never really know what is really going on in other relationships (maybe except from our close friends and their relationships) but Im sure many people do that after they break up. Might me a way of showing the dumper that they are are angry and want nothing to do with them anymore but for me the main reason was my healing. I thought that since we are done I do not need to be reminded of him at all. I just wanted to get rid of everything that could potentially serve as a reminder (reason for deleting pictures). Most importantly I was just scared of what Im about to see, I knew that if I just keep him as a friend I will overanalyze anything he posts and it will make me go insane (reason for removing him from friends). Also, for me it was a way of expressing the thought that I wish the relationship would have never happened in the first place after how he treated me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cameragirl Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Ok. I think I need to clarify that I was not the dumper. It was more mutual but I did stress that I wanted to talk to him more about it and he wouldn't really have it. So therefore I don't feel like I did anything wrong. To me it just feels like he is wiping me away. That's what I am gathering and it hurts a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Ok. I think I need to clarify that I was not the dumper. It was more mutual but I did stress that I wanted to talk to him more about it and he wouldn't really have it. So therefore I don't feel like I did anything wrong. To me it just feels like he is wiping me away. That's what I am gathering and it hurts a lot. Read the NC Guide in my signature. Going NC might seem selfish. But it's a 'correct' selfishness. I'm afraid as he's your ex, you just have to accept what he's doing. He is following the Guide to the letter and is doing nothing wrong. It doesn't really matter whether it hurts you or not. You're an ex. He doesn't have to consider your feelings, and you're not entitled to have them taken into consideration. He doesn't owe you a thing, but owes himself the right steps to heal and move on. In your shoes, I'd recommend doing the same. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 This was the first time. I get that maybe it's his way of saying he is done, but I've never seen anyone do this before and I've gone through two previously breakups in longer term relationships. Has he just managed to move on that quick? It just feels like he is not hurting in the least bit. I don't think that removing pictures from social media necessarily means he's moved on. I think that most people remove those pictures in an attempt to move on. It's difficult to move on if you have pictures of an ex around because those reminders open up old wounds. He's probably not doing it to hurt you. It's more likely that he needs to this to move on. It's not childish to remove pictures of an ex from social media. Maturity or immaturity really have nothing to do with it. Removing pictures is really just a normal thing that most everyone does at some point. Some do it the next day. Some take months and do it in stages. I've always removed pictures, social media or otherwise, and belongings immediately because I didn't want the reminder. I most definitely wasn't thinking of the other person at the time either. I was doing what I needed to do to move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Ok. I think I need to clarify that I was not the dumper. It was more mutual but I did stress that I wanted to talk to him more about it and he wouldn't really have it. So therefore I don't feel like I did anything wrong. To me it just feels like he is wiping me away. That's what I am gathering and it hurts a lot. It does hurt. It hurts a lot to see someone erasing pictures of you. You are reminding me of an instance with my last breakup. I immediately removed all of the pics of my ex and his son from my phone, and he got really upset. He said, "you're erasing us." I thought, well, yeah I am. I had to because I needed to move on. He did it differently and kept all of our pictures. People do it differently, and each is entitled to do what is best for them, even if it might hurt the other person. Erasing pictures doesn't erase you as a person. It takes away the constant reminders of the relationship. It hurts because it symbolizes the end, and you realize that in time, you will become strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 He's doing what he has to do to cope with the break up and move on. Why is that so hard to understand? Not everyone deals with break ups the same. I'm also one of those people that have to delete or file away pictures, letters, etc in order to help deal with a break up. I will also delete the ex's number or block if necessary. Eventually I am open to a friendship later down the road. It's the initial grieving phase that makes me want to wipe every existence of them out of my life. It would be too painful to have contstant reminders when trying to heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I didn't really do the breaking up. It was more that the discussion started and then proceeded to end that way. In some ways I feel like he wanted it more. Perhaps this is the reason he deleted everything. He knows it was the right decision to break up and now he is moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
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