Dumped and the lessons I learned

[Snix0805]

Three months ago, my ex of 4years dumped me for his coworker. I found out I was pregnant and had a miscarriage and then I ran into them thrice and I was just a complete mess. To be fair to him, he offered financial help when I told him about it but that was that. I agree that a child should not be a reason to be together. The only thing I hated was that he thought I was using it as a desperate attempt to get him back and that he never even reached out to me when I lost it. I had my child cremated and dealth with the pain alone while he's out probably partying with his girl. I developed severe anxiety and depression and while I'm still recovering, I just want to say I can sympathize with all of you.

 

Being dumped is bad enough. You have to get used to being alone again, doing things on your own and basically just rearranging your future without your partner. The first few days after the breakup are the absolute worst. You can't eat, everything tastes like cardboard. You can't sleep either, you dream about them everytime and you realize your nightmares are your reality. And when you wake up, it's just as worse because what's the point, right? Everything feels like a blur. You analyze the situation over and over again, everything they said and you blame yourself that maybe if you just did this or that, then this wouldn't have happened. Everything is the same around you, there's still your friendly neighbor, there's that dog you always pass by but inside your own bubble, a part of you died and you know it's not the same anymore. You're a living, breathing zombie, waiting for the days to pass, waiting for that call that will never come or the apology that will never be said, waiting for them to come back and regret everything. You throw away every bit of pride and dignity you have and beg them to come back, that you'll change even though you knew you were perfect. Some days will be okay but mostly your days will be ****ty and spent on crying and bawling or punching your door. Every little thing is a trigger, even your neighbor's sister's husband's cat is a trigger.

 

But you weren't just dumped, you were replaced as well and this is the ultimate heartbreak. You watch your self-esteem walk out the door. You constantly compare. "What does she have that I don't?" You feel like everything was a lie. All those years were a joke because "how could he throw away what we had and replace me so quickly?" You wonder how they could do that while you're left to pick up the pieces on your own. "I got tired and I couldn't see a future with you." Those words ring in your head again and again. Some will say that they have mentally prepared themselves for the breakup, even if you didn't see it coming. But that just makes it worse. If he didn't see a future with you, why did they take so long to realize it? Why did they have to prolong the pain for you? Why did they tell you they love you if they already had someone else in mind? Why did they have to lie about it and not tell you right away?

 

And then you go back to analyzing your relationship, looking for signs that prove you were meant to be together. "We got over this argument before, we broke up before but we still got back." Or "I liked him a lot since I was young and just when I thought we wouldn't be together, we did." All these should mean that you're meant for each other right?

 

You'll talk it to death with your friends and you hear all these cliches and advice. It's his loss, you're prettier than her, oh my god what did he see in that girl, I knew he would do this to you, you deserve better, time will heal you. And you wonder, how could it be his loss, when you're the one who lost a partner and he never regretted it because he's happy with another person.

 

You'll find it hard to accept that important days will just be regular days, important places will just be regular places. All the plans and things you did will be done by them now. You wonder if all those pictures of both of you will be replaced by him and her and all those gifts, those little trinkets and letters you gave him will be replaced by her gifts. The worst part of it is accepting that they will someday soon be married and that you were once that girl in his future. And you confirm your worst thoughts when you dig up their social media and find pictures of them so happy, with your ex not regretting the breakup at all.

 

You search for answers, rack your brain till it hurts. You come across this website that tells you "how to get your ex back when he left you for another person." So you read it and tells you to go completely NC, get a bo*b job, exercise to lose all those fats you gained from eating tears-filled buckets of icecream, make him jealous by getting into a rebound with a handsome guy with a license to fly planes. And then you realize that none of this will work and that anything else you do, even dying in front of him won't get him back.

 

You'll hear friends saying, he'll get his karma or that rebounds never last long. And you'll get advice to move on with your life and he'll come running back when he finds out you've moved on. So you get your hopes up but also realize reconciliations work differently for everyone and sometimes they rarely do happen. That this isn't some rom-com you watched.

 

Like I said I am in no way completely okay at all and I hope to reach a point of indifference in time but I am slowly starting to accept that he will no longer come back, that little glimmer of hope I have been tightly holding on to is slowly diminishing. Maybe it's one of those better days and that I may eventually fall back into a slump but while I'm having one of those happy moments that I want to savor, let me share things I learned.

 

1. The more you wait, the more you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Patience is a virtue does not apply here. The more you wait for that phone call, the more you don't block that number, the more you don't delete them because you want to keep tabs on them or let them see how awesome your life is without them, the more you are holding your life for someone who has long gone and moved on. Because we hold on to what ONCE was and to what our exes ONCE were but it's not gonna happen and your rational mind knows this but you let your emotions take over you. The heart is not meant to think, force yourself to use your brain.

 

2. Do you change just because they left you for another person? Because you didn't have this or that which you assume the other person has? It depends on the logic behind that change. If you change a certain way, look a certain way, behave a certain way just to be loved by a person then that is not love at all. You get a pixie cut just because that girl he exchanged you for has a pixie cut. That's losing self-respect and giving people power to manipulate you into whatever they want. We have come to believe, yes including me, that if WE DO JUST THIS, THEN THEY WILL LOVE US. People love you because of the way you make them feel and because for some reason, they like your little quirks. We all tend to put our best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship and if you show that person who loves to play online games that you also love playing online games even if you hate it to death, what do you think is going to happen when the honeymoon phase is over? Once your emotions have settled and you think you are stable, change what you think really needs to be changed. Were you needy? Did you base all your happiness from this person? Were you insecure? Did you validate your self esteem with him? And if you can realize all those things and change, you'll be happier and be a better you in your next relationship.

 

3. Your ex doesn't owe you anything. Well maybe an explanation or that closure or that money he still owes you. But think about it. Will you feel better after you get that closure or explanation why he left you for some other sk*nk? Or would that just lead to other questions that will never be answered and in the end just leave you feeling worse than you actually are? Maybe you think he owes you something just because he wasted 4 years of your life, loved him and stayed with him when he was fired until he found another job. Didn't you do all those things out of love without expecting for anything in return? Maybe he owes you respect or an ego stroke because you were rejected and your heart was trampled on. But how can you expect respect from someone who threw your love away and walked out on you with another person? You don't need that. Get off that power trip.

 

4. No matter what you do, you can't love people into loving you. You could have given it your all, you could have given them the world but nothing could have changed them if they wanted to cheat and leave. Sure, the reason may be you but it was their own problem, they couldn't handle that. There are people out there who can love you even if you have the b*tchiest personality in the world. Realize that change has to come from within themselves and this will take years not just days and you can't manipulate them into changing.

 

5. A man or woman who doesn't support you in your weakest and darkest is not a man or woman to keep. I have friends or ex-friends rather who said it was my fault that the relationship ended because I had depression and dumped all my problems on my ex. Just as there are fair weather friends, there are also fair weather exes. It's easy to be in a relationship when things are going perfectly well but you determine if he/she really loves you when you go through unexpected storms of life. The honeymoon phase and all the infatuation stages won't last forever. It's the stage that comes after that, that will determine if you can make it through. My ex bailed out on me just when I needed him the most because I was struggling with my job search, because this co-worker was happier to talk to. He loved the honeymoon phase of a relationship. He couldn't see longterm with me because I was this pessimistic, depressed crazy girl who lashed out on him. This made me think that having mental illness is my fault and that I couldn't maintain my relationship because of this. It's taking me some time to realize that it wasn't my fault that I had depression. When my ex was fired from his job before, he fell into a slump and I was there even when he was being a complete as*hole. Did I expect him to do the same for me just because I did it for him? No, I did that out of love without asking for anything in return. But if I could be there for someone during their bad times, then I know someone out there would be willing to weather the storms with me. This Swedish proverb describes exactly this point. "Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most."

 

6. Never let panic dictate your actions. We've all heard how the brain can go into fight or flight mode in times of heartbreak specially if you were the one dumped. I did the typical begging, texting him and making our friends knock some sense into him. But nothing, absolutely NOTHING you do will get them back. You can waste your money giving gifts, blow up his phone till you get filed a restraining order, slap that new girl because he stole your man but nothing will ever get him back. Panic will just make a fool out of yourself and you don't want that. You will end up regretting your decisions and set yourself up for bigger heartaches. As hard as it is, let your rational and logical mind take over all the bullsh*t your heart wants you to do. I've read this somewhere (sorry I don't remember where) "if you do nothing on instinct, nothing will go wrong"

 

7. Distractions are just distractions. When you have nothing to distract you, you're back to feeling like sh*t. You'll always hear the advice keep busy, distract yourself with friends. The best advice I heard instead of being distracted was to work toward an achievement. Work on a goal that will make you feel like an accomplished gal or guy when you finally finish it. Find something that you will put your heart and soul into and when you accomplish it, will make you feel proud and happy. For me, my goal is to find a nice job this year that will help me move closer towards my other goals in life. It's easy to stay distrscted with work, friends or family but they're only good till they're gone.

 

8. Love isn't one sided. We all hope for that reconciliation and even if you want it so bad and do everything you think is right to get the other person back, it won't work unless the two of you want the same thing. Love is a two-way street and it's true. But really, what is so romantic about fighting and trying to convince someone who left you for another and couldn't see your worth, to stay by your side? Even if this person you thought you would spend your future with didn't love you the way you expected him to, you are still worthy to be loved by the right person.

 

9. Do you really need them in your life? Do you want them by your side because you are feeling lonely? Do they deserve you? Do you want to be a fallback option? At the heat of the moment, all your answers will be yes but if you could answer all these questions when you are already calm and cool, then you'll probably find that you don't really need your ex back. As for me, when I was able to honestly answer these questions, as much as my heart is yearning for him back, my logical side knows that it deserves better.

 

10. Love doesn't make sense and is never logical. "Oh my God, what the f did he ever see in her??" Exactly. It doesn't make sense. And being dumped for someone else can bring about the evils of comparison. You could be the most attractive person and you could also have met all his emotional needs and you could be a sex goddess but they still left you and it doesn't make sense. There's no right or wrong answer. You could ask all your friends, you could even ask the best relationship counselor and you will still have numerous follow-up questions. You will never agree on one universal answer but they left you for their own reasons and that is something that you have to accept. You can argue all you want, debate on it and lose sleep on it but what good will this do to you? Will it bring you the peace of mind you long for so badly?

 

11. He was just confused and will soon pass a phase. This isn't true and believe it when you hear or read that they have mentally plotted this weeks or months without them telling you and that you were just too blindly in love to see all this. So how could something planned weeks ahead be a phase or a state of confusion? In my case, he ran to the arms of this woman because he assumed it was different and better and newer with her and that is what he believed in and his mind has already rationalized this. Nothing I can do could change his mind that our years together were better. Quality is thrown out the window when this happens.

 

12. The more you make assumptions, the more you will likely end up in a straitjacket in some freaky asylum. Stop. Just let it all go and find acceptance that he left you for a reason. You assume you weren't like this or you weren't doing that which is why they left. Really, what peace would this bring you?

 

13. Don't be a masochist b*stard. You know he's going to that club with his new girl snd you go there just to see them sexing it up on the dance floor. For some reason that I still haven't found out why, we love hurting ourselves. We expect to see them sad or regretting their decision but they're not. They're having the time of their lives with their new partners. Same goes for social media. A peek wouldn't hurt right? Then you see something and you end up crying the whole week. Do yourself a favor and don't do this to yourself.

 

14. Try to turn negative circumstances into positive ones. Weeks after my miscarriage, I saw my ex at a mall with the new girl and I had a severe panic attack and my asthma triggered as well and hid in the bathroom of a mall to cry it out. Yes it was one of the most pathetic moments in my life. I saw them twice more and questioned why this was happening to me. A friend pointed out and asked me if I prayed for strength and indifference and I said yes and she told me "look how your prayers are being answered, you're being given trials and situations that will make you stronger. Next time you see them, you'll feel nothing anymore because you're already strong and indifferent." My outlook on things has never been the same. Believe that God/Universe or whatever you believe in is doing things for you to make you come out on top.

 

15. If you must believe in anything, believe their actions. My ex on the day of the BU told me he was tired and wanted to be alone. Less than a few weeks after that, he was already with that co-worker he cheated on me with. What happened to wanting to be alone? Actions speak louder than words. I believe that so much now. Whatever they said before the BU, that's now complete and utter bull. My ex even proposed to me, a nice private event with all the people I love. He even said he loves my family and couldn't live without me. Look who he's with now.

 

16. Lastly and the most cliche advice ever and the hardest to do is to just move on for real and live your life for yourself. We've all heard "living happy is the best revenge." You don't want that because you would be doing things for him and not for yourself. Don't fake anything, don't try to make your ex jealous, don't let him know what you're going through. Just live your life for yourself, change for the better for yourself. You don't want breadcrumbs, you don't want them to feel sorry towards you, you don't want them to come back just because you showed them you can replace them. You don't want any of those. You're better than that. You deserve better than that. Whatever is happening on the inside, never let it manifest on the outside. And as much as everything tastes like sh*t right now, force yourself to eat. Seek a counselor or psychiatrist if you have to. Exercise to look and feel good and get yourself clothes that will look good on you.

 

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. It's a time old cliche but the more I realize it to be true. You don't wait on them and instead you move on. But if they really want you enough, then they will surely be doing something to get back with you and not the other way around. But they don't, you wouldn't be reading all this if they did. And you don't put yourself on hold for that. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to move on since he was my first and greatest love but I try to set aside all my irrational thoughts and know that I will because I sure as hell know that I don't want to be stuck in this phase. It's also stupid to think that you can't live without them. You wouldn't be here reading this if that were the case. It feels like dying, I know, I've been there and still am going through it but our exes are not our supply of oxygen or the heart that pumps blood to our veins. You were born without them, you lived without them before and you can live again without them. I choose to move forward and as Bruno Mars sang "I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me, leave the past behind me, TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS."

 

It's a long post and thank you for reading if you are able to reach this part. My hugs to all of you and I know you can make it. You must. Greater things lie on the other side of all this pain.

 

*I wrote this and originally posted it on Reddit, where I'm more active and where swear words were okay so edited it a little and also added another point. A lot of people found it helpful and I'm hoping others here will too.

[Been]

Awesome post. Hit home everything.

[DarkHorizon]

Well, what can I say.

Best post ever.

 

Thank you so much!

[Been]

It is the best post I've read.

It's funny how when you get dumped how you try to look for clues as to why it happened so you examine everything.

[Cm01]

WOW awesome post. I read the whole thing!

 

My gf of 14 years left me 3 weeks ago and I am going thru a really tough time. Your post helped me right now, thank you.

[Thistooshallpass21]

Thank you for posting this, one of the most helpful ones I've seen in awhile. As much as we all hate to think about it, the lessons learned from break ups help make us who we are. Another thing that I like to think about when I start getting upset and lonely is that the certain absolutely right person for you is right around the corner coming to you as fast as possible (yes, for those who enjoy the show How I met your mother, this is from that).

[Apparition]

Thank you very much, Snix. That was incredibly insightful and one of the most perfect posts I've ever seen on this website. Your words described beautifully how ugly this situation can be for people and how heart-breaking it is as well as difficult to go through. Your post will definitely be something I will come back and read if I ever feel like breaking NC or find myself looking back to analyze my relationship.

 

Thank you.

[Wewon]

9. Do you really need them in your life? Do you want them by your side because you are feeling lonely? Do they deserve you? Do you want to be a fallback option? At the heat of the moment, all your answers will be yes but if you could answer all these questions when you are already calm and cool, then you'll probably find that you don't really need your ex back. As for me, when I was able to honestly answer these questions, as much as my heart is yearning for him back, my logical side knows that it deserves better.

 

I guess everyone has their most powerful lesson, for me this one was the turning point into adulthood.

 

When my ex and I broke up, I felt an immediate sense of relief, which was odd. Most break ups end with me feeling gutted. I went on this way for a week and finally started examining things, I literally sat down and wrote a list of pro's and con's to the relationship (trying to accelerate the grieving process). After a 1/2 hour, the only thing in the 'pro' column were a few sexual acts. It sounds cruel, but there was virtually nothing in that column that involved mental, emotional or spiritual connection between us.

 

A lot of times after a breakup the need to end the loneliness or reverse the indignity of being dumped can cause you to want someone that isn't even right for you and that never really added to your life. This is why taking some time simply to digest things is so important. Its also one of the reasons that I am a big advocate of NC.

 

I think that most people would be better off with this kind of introspection.

[CDJ]

Wow, what a brilliant post. Looking at the reactions from people in people, it is very reassuring to see that so many other people have gone through the same things - even the weird, obscure stuff (like food tasting of cardboard!). Almost every point is familiar and hits home. A few thoughts of my own:

 

 

You analyze the situation over and over again, everything they said and you blame yourself that maybe if you just did this or that, then this wouldn't have happened...waiting for the days to pass, waiting for that call that will never come or the apology that will never be said, waiting for them to come back and regret everything.

10. Love doesn't make sense and is never logical.

I think part of this is our attempts to rationalise the irrational. Break-ups are full of emotion and and unreasonable actions/decisions, and trying to make formal sense of them is maddening.

 

You throw away every bit of pride and dignity you have

This is something I did; it allowed her to flip the situation and gain the high ground, which then adds yet one more thing you have to regret. deal with and get over!

 

You'll talk it to death with your friends and you hear all these cliches and advice.

Whilst I agree that the things friends say are meant to make you feel better and might not actually be true, I still think there is value in confiding in them in this way; not least for the distraction, to vent, and top help you maintain NC with your ex. I wish I'd done it sooner.

 

And you confirm your worst thoughts when you dig up their social media and find pictures of them so happy, with your ex not regretting the breakup at all.

So hard to resist the temptation, even though it is masochistic.

 

1. The more you wait, the more you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Patience is a virtue does not apply here.

I'm not sure I agree. I didn't want to get back with my ex, I just wanted answers, which I impatiently pushed for until she shut off completely.

 

6. Never let panic dictate your actions.

This I agree with!

 

3. Your ex doesn't owe you anything. Well maybe an explanation or that closure or that money he still owes you. But think about it. Will you feel better after you get that closure or explanation why he left you for some other sk*nk? Or would that just lead to other questions that will never be answered and in the end just leave you feeling worse than you actually are?

So, so true. I think a big part of coping is accepting that you will never get the answers you need/want. Closure can't be achieved this way.

 

7. Distractions are just distractions. When you have nothing to distract you, you're back to feeling like sh*t.

I have heard and read a lot of advice about keeping yourself distracted, but I found it too difficult; instead, a therapist suggested I try replaying bad moments/memories over and over in my mind until I became numb to them.

 

12. The more you make assumptions, the more you will likely end up in a straitjacket in some freaky asylum.

My compulsion for answers drove me mad, as did my filling in the gaps with my own fears and assumptions. We have to accept that we will never get the answers we think we need.

 

15. If you must believe in anything, believe their actions....Actions speak louder than words.

I never thought about this but it's so obvious! I agonised over trying to reconcile the things she said (that it wasn't about another guy, that she still loved me and missed me) with her action of rapidly moving on with a guy I'd been suspicious of. "How can she say one thing and do the other?" I thought!

 

Damn, I wish I'd received your advice after my break-up

[Brando]

You are very wise. Great advice and I agree 100%. I feel really, really bad for all the people who hold on and buy into the "how to get your ex back" schemes. Once the breakup happens you have to live for yourself!!! You never know which was the wind will blow. Just heal the best way possible and move forward!!

[Learningtowalkagain]

Good post...the one thing I disagree about is getting closure. I got closure and it's made it a million times easier to move on.

[Brando]

I just read this again! It is so true and so well written. I guarantee you will have a great future!!

I did the same thing he did (unfortunately). Except I had a 1 year old baby girl when I left for another women.

I can not explain why I did it. I do know that I didn't decide to break up when I met the woman. I had doubts about the relationship for months prior. I was slowly checking out everyday. When I met the other girl I initiated the breakup.

After 2 years and being dumped by the girl I left for.....I feel awful. I have carried a crazy amount of guilt with me for the past 2 years. It kept me from fully committing to the girl I left my ex for and that was our ultimate demise.

I still feel horribly guilty, but the truth is I don't know why it happened. It was out of my control. My feelings just slowly faded for reasons I will never know. When I met the new girl it was exciting and great (attraction and things I hadn't felt in quite a long time).

I'm sorry for your grief and loss. Stay strong!!! What an amazing post!!

[lilnomar33]

Number 5 is one of the most best things to find out if that person you love is really the one for you...i found out the hard way that my ex wasn't for me. There nothing worst than in when some one judges you when you are in the hospital recovering from a life or death surgery. People in this world are very selfish but am alive and getting better now so in time i believe i will find the one that love's me for me.

[Brando]

Oh, I do want to add. My child's mother (the one I left), we are still great friends (what an amazing, strong woman!!)

 

- she got a new job and does great for herself

- she is so much stronger

- she is in the best shape of her life

- she became a yoga instructor on the side

- she has new and great friends

- she has dated some quality men and is much more picky about who she dates

 

She has grown and become a much better version of herself. She gets all that, and I get a ton of guilt and a broken relationship myself.

 

You too will grow, do great things and become a better you!!!

[Snix0805]

Wewon- Loneliness is also the reason why people get into rebound relationships or fubus immediately after a BU. How I wish people could deal with the pain of loneliness right after a BU instead of filling up the void or going back to the wrong person and end up feeling lonelier. "the capacity to be alone is the capacity to love"

 

CDJ- I wish I had heard all these advice from someone else when I got dumped but I learned things the hard way. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. Feel free to add points of your own.

 

Learningtowalkagain I love your username! Walk by the Foo Fighters is one of my favorite songs. Anyway, I agree, closure can help you but some people are denied of this and forced to find closure on their own. I was one of those blindsided. He didn't even talk to me but a mutual friend who was kind enough to tell me why he left me.

 

lilnomar33- point number 5 is the one closest to my heart because until now I would still hear unneccessary opinions from ex friends who took sides that it was my fault he left. Like I mentioned as well, when I found out he was cheating he gave me the reason that he was tired of being my sponge and that the other woman was an optimistic one. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I'm still dealing with several problems on my own just when I needed him the most but we'll come out stronger out of this.

 

Brando- thank you for at least giving me a glimpse into the things or actions that led to what my ex did. But you at least felt remorse and you could start a whole new life for you now that you're free from your guilt. Can't say the same for my ex since he tells himself and other people who chose to take his side that he did the right thing. Whatever helps him sleep at night. He did this to me twice as well. I just made the mistake of coming back to him when I thought he changed. So it seems he did not learn his lesson. I also asked for a breakup since I knew i was being unfair to him and i was open to him finding another woman. But he led me on complete with crying snd begging me not to leave him and even popping the big question and telling me that he would deal with everything I would throw him (i still have the ring to tell myself it wasn't just some dream) and then telling friends he couldn't see longterm with me. WTF. I would find myself sometimes wishing that he would get dumped the way he did me so he could experience all the pain he put me through. But life's unfair. Lot's of people get away with bad things and I just have to move on with my life. I wish you well

 

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this. I don't claim to be a relationship expert. I learned all these through experience. This is my first breakup. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but it's completely un avoidable. It happens. In life you either win or you learn and these are the things I learned. Hugs to everyone

[mg4514]

I've read your post now three times since you first put it up. Just when I can't seem to make sense of anything that happened-I read your post. It is so comforting to know that I'm not crazy-or that I'm not going crazy.

 

I've had such a hard time because I try to apply logic to illogical event. This is what drives me mad-but reading your post is reassuring because there simply is no logical response. She had her reasons, reasons I will never fully understand. I have learned to accept that-due in no small part by reading your experience.

[Halfsunhalfmoon]

I would just like to say, thank you so much for your post. It has helped me so much ?

[Captivating]

What a GREAT post, Snix! Thanks !

I think we all agree with what you've said.

 

Guys, I would highly recommend to watch the video below! Take care!

[Apparition]

Captivating, good video.

[Neffer]

This is a really profound post. I am doubly impressed as you must have gone through all the weird hormonal craziness after your miscarriage while dealing with the breakup. You are a very strong person; the combination of events, the series of losses, would have laid me out.

 

I think my lesson learned via dumping/breakup is just that the person you loved, who left.... is essentially dead and gone. There is no resuscitating things; its gone. Even if they came back....it's gone. The rest is adjusting to that fact. Accepting that you don't want the real them back but the fairytale imaginary good version is the thing.

 

For me at least. Thank you for this post - it lays it all out there, which is needed advice. I will likely keep re-reading this.

[triple-s]

Thank you for this post . I will read this everytime i feel bad about myself and losing her .

 

I will post again hopefully in the near future with progress with my new life and new love interest ..

 

=)

[NoMoreJerks]

#5 is 100% true. I stopped reading the rest after that, because I wanted to comment and say that I went through the same exact thing with my most recent ex (him wanting to only have fun and banter but dropped me like a hot potato the second I wasn't always the fun person to be around, etc.). It's the mark of an immature person, to be honest, if someone cannot understand that life is not all rosy and people do go through rough patches, even if they might not be mentally ill. Mine also called me crazy and told all his friends and his son that I was a crazy person. He even accused me of cheating on him, in order to denigrate me. I had not cheated on him. I had only spoken to a guy who was a friend of his ex (who is his neighbor, and whom I know). My ex has a lot of female friends with whom he hangs out one on one even at his own place (dinner with them, drinks, etc.), including his female "best friend" who is always around him 24/7.. but me talking to a guy (without any flirtation ) = cheating. IMO, some people are not just immature and run away from the slightest sign of trouble, but sometimes they actually create trouble and pile up more worries/issues on top of the problems you were facing, and get you to feel like crap, in order to better control you. Some people not only do not help you through your rough patch, they not only bail on you, but sometimes, and I think this is the worst, instead of bailing right away, they stay and make you even more miserable, as some sort of sick toying-with/revenge thing. They have issues.

Edited February 6, 2016 by NoMoreJerks

[kztar]

I might just read this everyday. Thank you.

[Snix0805]

Thank you for reading everyone and glad it helped some people. Happy healing