calvin94 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 So my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 3 months ago and I just found out she is sleeping with an old guy she used to talk to and I am absolutely gutted. What have people in the similar situation done to help cope with this? I am still crazy in love with her but she has moved on clearly and is fine sleeping with other guys. Please give me some advice so I dont drive myself more insane Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 So my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 3 months ago and I just found out she is sleeping with an old guy she used to talk to and I am absolutely gutted. What have people in the similar situation done to help cope with this? I am still crazy in love with her but she has moved on clearly and is fine sleeping with other guys. Please give me some advice so I dont drive myself more insane Go out, hang with friends, get a hobby or three, Vanish from her life and become a mystery! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 How did you find this out? Link to post Share on other sites
NVO Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Stay NC, make sure you don't find out more. And sleeping with someone else does not equal being happy. Maybe she is trying to fill a void you left, maybe not. You should not try to worry about it, although I can imagine how hard this is. This feeling will pass in a couple of days though. And I once found a quote somewhere on the internet. Don't remember it 100% accurate, so correct me if I'm wrong, but it goes something like this: "No one has sex that awesome, like you with (name of the guy) in my head." Simply comes down to the point that you imagine your ex is having the most amazing time of her life, but you only make this up in your head. I guess everyone has been through that stage where they think their ex is having the most amazing sex with other people. But I believe that even though sex with somebody else can be amazing, having sex with someone you have a connection with is so much better. My ex told me several times she did not experience this kind of sex before, because she was so in to me and really in love. So be proud of that. You gave her one hell of a ride, now let the other guys do the dirty works. Stay strong buddy, you will turn out just fine! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Heracles Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 It hurts, it sucks but stay with the pain. Accept it fully. That type of suffering is transformative. It is useful in the sense that it helps shatter some of your illusions. A few years back, when something similar happened to me, my nervous system took such a hit that my senses were out of whack. Today, when I think about it and see how far I've come, I smile As an aside, I hate to break it to you but if she wasn't already sleeping with the guy before she broke up with you, she probably started very soon after. I'm talking 1 week at the most. Take a while to mourn your loss and Move on with your life despite the pain Link to post Share on other sites
Dylon Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 The pain goes downhill from here so it's a short ride at the peak. You have your life and your future, she has hers and you two are not connected. Block it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenleaves54 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I know it sucks, but you need to take her off the pedestal. She's just a normal girl like everyone else. She is also probably young and will make many bad choices in her life. Whatever you do, don't contact her. Focus on yourself. Excercise, socialize, set up goals and work on fulfilling them. One day you will find a MUCH better girl than your ex who will appreciate the great guy that you are. Realize that your ex isn't as good as you make her out to be. Your brain is just addicted to her right now. Link to post Share on other sites
D.r.e Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 So my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 3 months ago and I just found out she is sleeping with an old guy she used to talk to and I am absolutely gutted. What have people in the similar situation done to help cope with this? I am still crazy in love with her but she has moved on clearly and is fine sleeping with other guys. Please give me some advice so I dont drive myself more insane Why does this matter? She is your ex, she can do what she wants. Obviously, she is still the same girl in your head. You see that loving sweet person you dated. Here is what happened. When she broke up with you, that girl died. She's dead. You will never see that person again. Don't believe me? Does the person you envision in you head do this? Or is she loyal and only committed to you? The girl who see now is a doppelganger. She's not your girlfriend. Your relationship is dead. What you need to do is realize that she is dead. Morn the loss and move on from there. One day at a time, realize you will never see her again. Focus on yourself. In 5 years you will be a different person, whether or not that person is amazing or a loser is up to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author calvin94 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 How did you find this out? Through a friend who is friends with the guy she is sleeping with. Stay NC, make sure you don't find out more. And sleeping with someone else does not equal being happy. Maybe she is trying to fill a void you left, maybe not. You should not try to worry about it, although I can imagine how hard this is. This feeling will pass in a couple of days though. And I once found a quote somewhere on the internet. Don't remember it 100% accurate, so correct me if I'm wrong, but it goes something like this: "No one has sex that awesome, like you with (name of the guy) in my head." Simply comes down to the point that you imagine your ex is having the most amazing time of her life, but you only make this up in your head. I guess everyone has been through that stage where they think their ex is having the most amazing sex with other people. But I believe that even though sex with somebody else can be amazing, having sex with someone you have a connection with is so much better. My ex told me several times she did not experience this kind of sex before, because she was so in to me and really in love. So be proud of that. You gave her one hell of a ride, now let the other guys do the dirty works. Stay strong buddy, you will turn out just fine! It hurts, it sucks but stay with the pain. Accept it fully. That type of suffering is transformative. It is useful in the sense that it helps shatter some of your illusions. A few years back, when something similar happened to me, my nervous system took such a hit that my senses were out of whack. Today, when I think about it and see how far I've come, I smile As an aside, I hate to break it to you but if she wasn't already sleeping with the guy before she broke up with you, she probably started very soon after. I'm talking 1 week at the most. Take a while to mourn your loss and Move on with your life despite the pain Thank you for these replies, it helps a lot with this support and means a lot to me. The pain goes downhill from here so it's a short ride at the peak. You have your life and your future, she has hers and you two are not connected. Block it out. You are right, I'm only 21. I know it sucks, but you need to take her off the pedestal. She's just a normal girl like everyone else. She is also probably young and will make many bad choices in her life. Whatever you do, don't contact her. Focus on yourself. Excercise, socialize, set up goals and work on fulfilling them. One day you will find a MUCH better girl than your ex who will appreciate the great guy that you are. Realize that your ex isn't as good as you make her out to be. Your brain is just addicted to her right now. Thank you for this, you are fully right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Having sex with someone is not indicative of her feelings for him or feelings for you. She is most likely trying to fill a void. Try to avoid talking to anyone who knows her and if you have to, tell them that you don't want to hear anything about her or who she is with. Stay busy and keep your life full. Surround yourself with family/friends who care about you and know that much better things are around the corner. You will fall in love again (and probably again and again and again). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shyguy3543 Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 I know that feeling. My ex broke up with me last November, and maintained that she wanted to keep being "best friends." She constantly told me that she couldn't see herself with anyone else but me and that our breakup was temporary while she figured herself out and made some moves in her career and dealt with her mom's breast cancer. We hung out all the time and kept it cool all the way up until May. She still told me she loved me and couldn't wait for us to get back together. Then I found out she was sleeping with the guy she said had tried to take advantage of her while she was drunk during the time we were dating, was constantly talking junk about me to her, and disrespected me constantly. All she had to say about it when I confronted her was that it was none of my business. I told her I could eventually forgive it but it could never be forgotten. She told me she didn't need my forgiveness. I thanked her for all the good times and told her she'd never be hearing from me again. She started crying, I said good bye, and that was it. My point is that you should absolutely NOT look further into this. Cut her out of your life. Finding out more or trying to rekindle anything with this girl who's moved on is only going to bring more trouble. Whatever makes you happy, DO IT. This girl is not the person who's going to make you happy, unfortunately. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Go completely dark. Block everything with her. No contact works. Time will take care of the rest. You're too young to spend time on this. There are better out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Yes, life goes on. Years from now you will look back and just smile, knowing this was a blip on the radar Link to post Share on other sites
NewPerspective93 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Odds are she had already checked out of the relationship before you broke up, and was contacting other guys. Also, you're 21. There's other girls out there, but most importantly, right now you should focus on building yourself together. Forget this girl, you are the most important thing so work on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Sar112 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 It sounds like a re-bound to me. I've had the same thing happen to me - twice! Sometimes these things fizzle out in a few weeks, sometimes they will last months an turn into something a little more serious - it's rare that they ever really last though. Continue to keep working on yourself. Don't contact your ex - like the person above says 'disappear' from their life. They will undoubtedly be looking at what you are doing, so make sure they can see how well you are getting on without them. The two ex's I refer to both came back to me wanting another chance eventually - one got it, the other didn't. The one that did has now just left me again so just be careful what you wish for. If she does come back at some point, just think about what is best for you. Stay away from looking at anything she is doing now. The imagination is a powerful thing and it will make you think she is having a far better time than she is in reality. Stay closed off to that stuff and it will stop you from incurring too many set backs. Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Also, cut contact with the friend that felt the need to tell you this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calvin94 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 It sounds like a re-bound to me. I've had the same thing happen to me - twice! Sometimes these things fizzle out in a few weeks, sometimes they will last months an turn into something a little more serious - it's rare that they ever really last though. Continue to keep working on yourself. Don't contact your ex - like the person above says 'disappear' from their life. They will undoubtedly be looking at what you are doing, so make sure they can see how well you are getting on without them. The two ex's I refer to both came back to me wanting another chance eventually - one got it, the other didn't. The one that did has now just left me again so just be careful what you wish for. If she does come back at some point, just think about what is best for you. Stay away from looking at anything she is doing now. The imagination is a powerful thing and it will make you think she is having a far better time than she is in reality. Stay closed off to that stuff and it will stop you from incurring too many set backs. Thanks for your reply, for some reason this spoke to me a lot. I have tried cutting her out of my life and sometimes its easy, sometimes she is all I think about. I agree that the imagination is powerful and definitely boosts how much fun she is actually having. Odds are she had already checked out of the relationship before you broke up, and was contacting other guys. Also, you're 21. There's other girls out there, but most importantly, right now you should focus on building yourself together. Forget this girl, you are the most important thing so work on yourself. I figured this was the case, she had history with this guy before we started dating too. So it was no surprise to me. Im trying right now just to focus on myself and see what I really want. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Then I found out she was sleeping with the guy she said had tried to take advantage of her while she was drunk during the time we were dating, was constantly talking junk about me to her, and disrespected me constantly. All she had to say about it when I confronted her was that it was none of my business. I told her I could eventually forgive it but it could never be forgotten. She told me she didn't need my forgiveness. I thanked her for all the good times and told her she'd never be hearing from me again. She started crying, I said good bye, and that was it. Well done. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 It has nothing to do with love. It's purely your male ego which got injured. When someone is hurting your ego you can try to boost your ego back with other tools that you can find, doesn't matter any, and additionally you can learn your limitations, which will make you a better man for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 You need to cut her out of your life so you can heal. But I'll let you in on a story of mine, I can't 100% say she's going through the same but I just want to share it with you. When I was dating my ex, I caught her cheating and hence I dumped her. Then her best friend at that time who totally disapproved of her cheating showed me a text between my ex and her. I'm quite happy to read that my ex told her the sex with the guy that she cheated with was no where near satisfying compared to mine. Although it was none of my business anymore whom she decides to sleep with it, but I moved on and never looked back. And of course, I met new people whom the sex was a lot more better than when I was with my ex. Happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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