pisces_gurl Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I am a very attractive and charming lady of 22 years. But I have extreme emotional issues. Recently, a man came in my life who seemed to be heads over for me. He did many things I told him to, texted me constantly, waited for me, proposed me and made me feel very special by his poetry and gifts. I was in contact with him for a little more than a month. Even though, logically I could see that he gave me attention, I was never satisfied emotionally. For example, he used to work at a university and be busy sometimes and not text me. I would get really hurt and angry and say things to him. Whenever he didn't show me attention, i got turned off. Even subtle changes in his behavior day to day made me obsessive. I used to obsess and cry as to why is he not texting me (for like last 8 hours). There were constant fights, he never fought with me just kept on reassuring me about my beauty and his love for me. This was the whole contact mainly about: him telling that he loves me and I kept doubting him. I felt that maybe he can't love me the way I WANT. I kept comparing and asking if he loves me more than his ex-gf, to which he said yes but i never TRUSTED. I fought with him and abused him emotionally all the time. It was tears and pain for me, when I couldn't see him in pain. I always felt that he never cared as much as I did. Like whenever I would fight with him, it won't have any affect on his food and sleeping habits which HURT me even more! Because when I am emotionaly involved with someone, they become my everything and i forgot to eat and sleep. I never loved him and made it very clear to him. The conversation was always like this: Me: I HATE U. Go to hell. All men are SAME. GET OUT OF MY LIFe Him: But I love you a lot. I just want you in my life. I can't leave you but if you want me to go, then I will not disturb you again. Anyway, to get rid of this constant battle- I blocked him from everywhere. No way that we can contact me. Now within three days of NC< he has tried to add me again on my Facebook etc but i am not going to accept. I am still SAD. Sad because maybe he doesn't miss me as much as I would want him to? I want him to feel the pain and miss me? Stalk me? Obsess over me? In my past, I have been crazy for men who didn't show me much attention. Now I want someone to become crazy for me. But I don't feel that intensity, which makes me hurt? Is it normal? How to cure this problem? Link to post Share on other sites
HurtinPDX Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Kudos to you for recognizing you have a problem. I'd suggest you see a therapist and explore what it going on. A lot of what you describes sounds like a person with severe personality issues. A counselor can help you get to the bottom of it. Good luck! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Not to be offensive, but I'd say you're at least a narcissist. You seem to crave conflict & drama. Provoking fights seems to be a good way for you to get attention. Do you want a normal or toxic relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Not to be offensive, but I'd say you're at least a narcissist. You seem to crave conflict & drama. Provoking fights seems to be a good way for you to get attention. Do you want a normal or toxic relationship? Or Borderline Personality Disorder. Please see a therapist ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Please see a therapist ASAP. That's the bottom line. Yes, you appear to have issues, but I doubt that anybody here is qualified to say what those may be based on a handful of postings on a forum. Go see a professional, in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Absolutely see a therapist as soon as possible. Do not try to get in another relationship until you get help with your issues because you will fail again. I think it's great you recognize you have a problem and are willing to seek professional help for it. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 The cure is you getting a hold of your emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Not to be offensive, but I'd say you're at least a narcissist. You seem to crave conflict & drama. Provoking fights seems to be a good way for you to get attention. Do you want a normal or toxic relationship? Quite the opposite, I would say. The last thing a narcissist does is question himself. OP is questioning her behavior; one other TYPICAL quality a narcissist has is lack of empathy and guilt. OP doesn't fit into that either. Narcissists have overblown ego and feeds off of creating pain in others; the way OP is rejecting her lover is out of her own insecurity and doubt--she's actually feeling hurt and awful for what she's doing. OP, I ditto what someone else has said, KUDOS for recognizing that you have emotional problems. It's the hardest and the bravest thing to come to terms with one's own actions. And I ditto everyone else's suggestion--you MUST seek a therapist's help; there are good ones out there--but you have to look. There are elements of 'borderline disorder' (as someone else said) and also 'attachment disorder'. Can I ask how healthy/unhealthy your relationship with your own father was growing up? It's was painful to read what you are going through inside. I hope you get the help soon enough, before this relationship with this man dissipates. Perhaps you can ask him for support to seek the professional help? Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Your batt-**** crazy gurl!! You are the real world example of the woman in "Fatal Attraction". Seek help for all of humanities sake and do not get in a relationship until you fix yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gurl Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 I know I need therapy. I don't know whats wrong with me. In past, I was infatuated with a few men who didn't know that and I never told them. But I was not like this them. Even though, i was not the lover in this relationship but the one who controlled the things and wanted rather than gave; i know he wouldn't be hurting as much as I am. I am hurting so much as if soul has been put on fire. I cry day and night. Why? Not because someone I love rejected me; but because I want more love. I want to feel wanted? I cut contact with him only expecting that he would come back to me and I will forgive him but he didn't chase me which makes me extremely hurt. He used to claim his love all the time and now he is living without me- i suppose happily. And here I am, frustrated and depressed and lonely, no one can ever love me as much I want. I am ready to give my whole but first someone should show me that I really MATTER to them. They are indifferent to me and it hurts me the most. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gurl Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 He could have contacted me from fake sources if I blocked his number or Facebook, if he really wanted. I feel no one can love me the way I want, this makes me hurt which is beyond explain. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 He could have contacted me from fake sources if I blocked his number or Facebook, if he really wanted. I feel no one can love me the way I want, this makes me hurt which is beyond explain. No, OP. Most normal, emotionally healthy and loving adults would never do this. They recognize and respect boundaries and do not involve themselves any deeper with emotionally and verbally abusive people. They are not going to obsess and stalk and everything else you think they should, because that's not normal. You have an extremely distorted view of what love is. You have taken the first step in recognizing the problem is you. You need to seek professional help; none of us can really determine the problem. However, based on what you have described, you sound an awful lot like my ex boyfriend, who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. He raged and created chaos like you do, and sent me very similar messages you sent your ex. It might be worth looking it and talking about with a qualified therapist. It's not likely to get better on its own and believe me when I tell you that this type of behaviour is also very damaging to the person you love. I've been where your ex is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gurl Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 But, can't the people like us be loved deeply? Like what if someone loves me so much that it is enough? I thought if this guy would stalk me or come after me, I will realize that he is different from other men and he REALLY wants me or loves me. And he is ready to go to heights to get me, and i will start being lovely to him as well But he didn't do any of that, and which only makes me believe that he was like other men in my past, who may care but not CARE enough or as much as they claim. And now this makes me broken and full of grudges and rage, that no one can love me in the obsessive manner or the manner I can love in. Its so painful. When I really want someone, I want them and can go to length. But I don't see this type of behavior in others. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) But, can't the people like us be loved deeply? Like what if someone loves me so much that it is enough? I thought if this guy would stalk me or come after me, I will realize that he is different from other men and he REALLY wants me or loves me. And he is ready to go to heights to get me, and i will start being lovely to him as well But he didn't do any of that, and which only makes me believe that he was like other men in my past, who may care but not CARE enough or as much as they claim. And now this makes me broken and full of grudges and rage, that no one can love me in the obsessive manner or the manner I can love in. Its so painful. When I really want someone, I want them and can go to length. But I don't see this type of behavior in others. Exactly. You don't see it because it's not normal behaviour. Your expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. The problem is that you don't seem to understand that nobody can fix your emotional issues for you by loving you. That's not how it works. You have to help yourself. Lashing out and being an emotional and verbal bully isn't working. If you are happy with the way things are (and clearly you're not) keep it up. If you want to strive for greater well-being and experience healthy love, seek out the help of someone who is qualified and experienced in dealing with what sounds to me like a personality disorder. Again, I cannot diagnose anything. But your erratic behaviour very closely mirrors my ex's, and I strongly recommend you get yourself into treatment. He never has, and it's the reason we are no longer together. I simply couldn't tolerate the abuse anymore. Edited November 9, 2015 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gurl Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Exactly. You don't see it because it's not normal behaviour. Your expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. The problem is that you don't seem to understand that nobody can fix your emotional issues for you by loving you. That's not how it works. You have to help yourself. Lashing out and being an emotional and verbal bully isn't working. If you are happy with the way things are (and clearly you're not) keep it up. If you want to strive for greater well-being and experience healthy love, seek out the help of someone who is qualified and experienced in dealing with what sounds to me like a personality disorder. Again, I cannot diagnose anything. But your erratic behaviour very closely mirrors my ex's, and I strongly recommend you get yourself into treatment. He never has, and it's the reason we are no longer together. I simply couldn't tolerate the abuse anymore. But can't TOO MUCH love for someone make you stay regardless of their feelings or behavior with you? You just want to be WITH them, talk to them and love them regardless of everything and anything else? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 But can't TOO MUCH love for someone make you stay regardless of their feelings or behavior with you? You just want to be WITH them, talk to them and love them regardless of everything and anything else? In brief? No. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 But can't TOO MUCH love for someone make you stay regardless of their feelings or behavior with you? You just want to be WITH them, talk to them and love them regardless of everything and anything else? In the case of an emotionally and mentally healthy person, no. They're simply not going to put up with that kind of nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 I'm curious if you had a stable upbringing, whether you had good examples of how to love somebody, or whether your childhood was pretty ****ed up. In other words, is this learned behavior or is this what you're really like? It sounds like you grew up in a turmoil-filled trailer trash environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pisces_gurl Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Part of it might be due to few events in my childhood. A great part largely stems from the fact that I was hopelessly obsessed to a man for 2-3 years and stalked him like crazy. Although he never disrespected me and was always there for me, he never had those intense romantic feelings for me which I had. I tried my best to make him love me like crazy but he was too stable and old for that. He never loved me, regardless of my prayers and tactics for him to do so. But my obsession for him was crazy. He was my first though in the morning and last in the night. He was my everything, even I knew he had a family but he didn't care as much. After this incident I have started to believe in this kind of love. Now there is a revenge and a fire in me to be LOVED in that manner. Unless someone would love me as much as I loved him, I would be stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 You really need to seek therapy about your emotions before you get involved with anyone else. Until you get the help you need these obsessive feelings will not stabilize. Please make an appointment because the way you are feeling/acting is not normal and will scare any man/person away. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Interesting, because upon reflection, most people see the error of their ways, they don't wish the same to be perpetrated on them. Same disease, other side of the coin. Diagnosis: you are an attention vampire, and you don't care how you get it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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