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I Messed Up and Broke No Contact Because I Found Out Something So Hurtful

ldridge12

By ldridge12
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ldridge12 Member

ldridge12

Posted
Posted

Original thread of how I've been doing to date which was excellent i would say until this weekend:

 

 

One of her friends who i've been helping get a job told me that she had brunch with my ex girlfriend and my ex girlfriend said that "she missed me so much, was so confused, thinks I hate her and thinks this happened at a very bad time because my mom has cancer. She gave her complaints about me in the relationship but said she loves me and misses me so much."

 

My friend then asked if she had been seeing anyone. She said she's been seeing her ex boyfriend who at the beginning of our relationship she carried a secret 7 month long text, email and even met him once until i found out talk. It was an extremely hurtful period of my life because it was the classic ex boyfriend trying to get a girl back once she gets a new man. We survived that somehow. I stayed. There was no cheating involved but there was definitely some psyche issues with her where she was happy with me but felt the need to entertain the man who cheated on her and treated her like trash almost like "haha im taken now." When I say it was bad, it was bad for like 7 months because every time she got caught on one form of communication she would move to the next until it eventually stopped.

 

We lasted 3.5 years after that until we broke up this last September and one of the main reasons she said was because she felt I never got over that situation.

 

This weekend, I found out she's back entertaining him [a month later] after she told her friend that she missed me and was debating whether she wanted me back.

 

Out of all the men in the world this cot damn hypocrite went to the guy who caused us so much pain and then she blamed me for not getting over and being a major part of the breakup 3 years later. I called her and gave her the chew out of the century. I even emailed her and all her friends on a BCC and said im sick and tired of you making it seem like youre a victim. I laid it all out. You only care about your self. No one else.

 

I broke no contact and it feels horrible right now because I was so good for 30 days and would have kept going strong but getting that phone call and email off my chest which she stayed quiet about the whole call and email it because she knew she was so wrong FELT GOOD. Im HURT but it FELT GOOD. Again, everyone has the freedom to do as they please but when you criticize me for not getting over a very hurtful situation and then go back to a man who is NOW MARRIED WITH A CHILD and cheated on you like a madman i now understand that she WASNT WORTH IT. No matter if i broke no contact or NOT it felt good pretty much going for BLOOD through email and a call.

 

I will now return to no contact WITH NO INTENTION OF GETTING HER BACK and live my life. Her doing this makes me wonder if SHE ever got over him. If she was talking to him during the last phase of our relationship. If she never stopped talking to him or even cheated on me with him during a very tough family illness period in my life. I've never seen such selfishness. When she found out i heard about this, she rejected all my calls until she finally picked up because she knew what was to come.

 

YOU DONT CRITICIZE SOMEONE FOR NOT GETTING OVER A SITUATION YOU STARTED AND REALLY HURT ME WITH AND THEN GO BACK TO THAT SAME SITUATION. If she came back to me next week and I said, have you ****ed anyone she would have never said that mans name. She never would have said it because she knows I never would have taken her back. I dodged a bullet. She does what she wants without realizing there are consequences and feelings can be hurt single or not. She thought i would never find out and when I did it crushed her and she went into hiding until we spoke and i chewed her out. She was supposedly hiding in a bathroom crying.

 

This is one of the worst experiences ever because it makes you feel like you were living a lie.

 

This woman is a bad person.

  • Like 1
lchf Established Member

lchf

Posted
Posted

It might've felt good but ask yourself if that little exercise of calling her out was worth it. Sometimes the best thing to do is say nothing at all. The fact you felt the next to call her and sh*t her out indicates you are affected by her opinion of you, and the mature thing to do would've been to let it go and move on with your life. Let out your frustrations in ways that are cathartic and constructive. Do whatever you have to do, scream, cry, break stuff, shoot some slugs at a shooting range, it doesn't matter. Don't be tempted to engage with a person like this because it doesn't accomplish anything.

  • Like 1
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Oh, give it time. It feels good at the moment, but then the guilt of how you handled things is going to start to bug you. Hell, you just made a post about it here. If it felt good and you don't regret it, then this thread shouldn't even exist for me to be writing on.

  • Like 2
mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
We survived that somehow.
As soon as I read this, I said in my head

No you didn't.
Then later I read that you didn't, because she's back there now.

 

Dude, you were an extended release rebound. Neither you nor the ex will end up with her.

 

I guess she was right. You do hate her.

 

Just remember, when you start having second thoughts, that she's out of your life and it doesn't matter what she thinks. Don't start writing apologies and all that nonsense, even if you do feel genuinely bad.

 

Ghost.

Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

Posted
Posted
Original thread of how I've been doing to date which was excellent i would say until this weekend:

 

 

One of her friends who i've been helping get a job told me that she had brunch with my ex girlfriend and my ex girlfriend said that "she missed me so much, was so confused, thinks I hate her and thinks this happened at a very bad time because my mom has cancer. She gave her complaints about me in the relationship but said she loves me and misses me so much."

 

My friend then asked if she had been seeing anyone. She said she's been seeing her ex boyfriend who at the beginning of our relationship she carried a secret 7 month long text, email and even met him once until i found out talk. It was an extremely hurtful period of my life because it was the classic ex boyfriend trying to get a girl back once she gets a new man. We survived that somehow. I stayed. There was no cheating involved but there was definitely some psyche issues with her where she was happy with me but felt the need to entertain the man who cheated on her and treated her like trash almost like "haha im taken now." When I say it was bad, it was bad for like 7 months because every time she got caught on one form of communication she would move to the next until it eventually stopped.

 

We lasted 3.5 years after that until we broke up this last September and one of the main reasons she said was because she felt I never got over that situation.

 

This weekend, I found out she's back entertaining him [a month later] after she told her friend that she missed me and was debating whether she wanted me back.

 

Out of all the men in the world this cot damn hypocrite went to the guy who caused us so much pain and then she blamed me for not getting over and being a major part of the breakup 3 years later. I called her and gave her the chew out of the century. I even emailed her and all her friends on a BCC and said im sick and tired of you making it seem like youre a victim. I laid it all out. You only care about your self. No one else.

 

I broke no contact and it feels horrible right now because I was so good for 30 days and would have kept going strong but getting that phone call and email off my chest which she stayed quiet about the whole call and email it because she knew she was so wrong FELT GOOD. Im HURT but it FELT GOOD. Again, everyone has the freedom to do as they please but when you criticize me for not getting over a very hurtful situation and then go back to a man who is NOW MARRIED WITH A CHILD and cheated on you like a madman i now understand that she WASNT WORTH IT. No matter if i broke no contact or NOT it felt good pretty much going for BLOOD through email and a call.

 

I will now return to no contact WITH NO INTENTION OF GETTING HER BACK and live my life. Her doing this makes me wonder if SHE ever got over him. If she was talking to him during the last phase of our relationship. If she never stopped talking to him or even cheated on me with him during a very tough family illness period in my life. I've never seen such selfishness. When she found out i heard about this, she rejected all my calls until she finally picked up because she knew what was to come.

 

YOU DONT CRITICIZE SOMEONE FOR NOT GETTING OVER A SITUATION YOU STARTED AND REALLY HURT ME WITH AND THEN GO BACK TO THAT SAME SITUATION. If she came back to me next week and I said, have you ****ed anyone she would have never said that mans name. She never would have said it because she knows I never would have taken her back. I dodged a bullet. She does what she wants without realizing there are consequences and feelings can be hurt single or not. She thought i would never find out and when I did it crushed her and she went into hiding until we spoke and i chewed her out. She was supposedly hiding in a bathroom crying.

 

This is one of the worst experiences ever because it makes you feel like you were living a lie.

 

This woman is a bad person.

Rage...

You couldn't bring it under control, I can't blame you for what you did, it could have happened to anyone, I remember, I had turned into a creature of hatred, it was the worst feeling I had after BU, thanks to people on this forum I did not do anything stupid, back to when I was really mad...

 

For you, you have crossed the Rubicon now, you have to forget this episode of your life, and move on, any contact with an ex will bring about the bad feeling after a few days, any contact with an ex for whatever the reason is wrong, it will only make things worse on your side, they? probably don't care...

 

Don't make any contact anymore, you have to start again.

  • Author
ldridge12 Member

ldridge12

Posted
  • Author
Posted

*I appreciate the feedback*

 

To be honest, one of her friends called me immature and that i need to get it together for bcc'ing all her friends and saying all that personal stuff. I do feel bad that i included some crazy details in there because I felt she was playing the victim and blamed me for the breakup and look at the crazy **** she does now. Ex boyfriend who almost destroyed us and i guess practically did. Blamed me for never getting over it. Month later she's back with him and he has a newborn and a wife.

 

Her friend can go to hell as far as I'm concerned and anyone else that defends her.

 

I just didn't want to be the bigger person anymore. I went for blood like I said. Pure blood. I felt i was extremely disrespected in this case and it came to light because it was meant to be. She lied once in the past about him and got caught and this time the same thing happened. One of her own friends snitched her out.

 

In the end, i don't care about the bcc because her friends weren't my friends before that email nor will be after. They are her friends. She did me wrong and made me question whether this whole relationship had a 3rd member all along.

 

This is a horrible feeling but I think if i internalized this my progression would be way worse. I think getting it out no matter how bad I feel now will help me heal quicker. It takes time.

Meli22 Established Member

Meli22

Posted
Posted

Ok you broke contact. Big deal. Honestly people act as though breaking no contact is the ultimate sin of mankind. IF you regret it or feel stupid, don't dwell on it too long. If you'd have kept your thoughts to yourself over this I guarantee it would have built up and eventually caused even worser outbursts. Just carry on nc now and use this realisation as motivation to truly move on. For what it's worth, I doubt she wanted him the whole time you guys were together. She was probably happy with you (in general) but liked feeling wanted by someone else too. Some girls (and guys) are like that. I do think the seven month texting and the meet up was very wrong and it probably did weigh in on your relationship more than you let on, but it's a learning curve because next time you won't tolerate that kind of behaviour.

  • Like 1
Samuel_22 Established Member

Samuel_22

Posted
Posted
Ok you broke contact. Big deal. Honestly people act as though breaking no contact is the ultimate sin of mankind. IF you regret it or feel stupid, don't dwell on it too long. If you'd have kept your thoughts to yourself over this I guarantee it would have built up and eventually caused even worser outbursts. Just carry on nc now and use this realisation as motivation to truly move on. For what it's worth, I doubt she wanted him the whole time you guys were together. She was probably happy with you (in general) but liked feeling wanted by someone else too. Some girls (and guys) are like that. I do think the seven month texting and the meet up was very wrong and it probably did weigh in on your relationship more than you let on, but it's a learning curve because next time you won't tolerate that kind of behaviour.

Breaking NC is not an ultimate sin, don't even call it a rule. Breaking NC just makes you feel worse, and it can take you weeks or even months back, which is inimical to the progress we have been talking about. It is not about what our exes think of us or anything like that, I have broken NC once and while it made me feel good at the moment I did it, it left me empty-handed and nervous for a couple of weeks. Who really cares what our exes think of us? The OP needs to heal, this anger is worse than anything else, I have been there, just look at all my previous posts, 9 out of 10 show how angry I was back then. He has to control it, for his own sake and that's all

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