jap26 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I've heard nothing but good things about this website, so hello all! Background: Ex (22/M) and I (22/F) dated for nine months during our senior year of college. We have both graduated, and this past Saturday he moved away for work, while I am headed to law school in a few months. Saturday we said goodbye, and our relationship ended. We had discussed the relationship ending in January, so this breakup did not come as a surprise. He brought the situation up, but I agreed with him that it would be for the best. We have agreed to remain friends (and I am, at least, genuinely fine with that... he has been my best friend far longer than he was my boyfriend). Now to the present: Saturday and Sunday and yesterday I was a wreck. Random sobbing fits, unable to control my thoughts, etc etc. He and I spoke on the phone yesterday morning (I needed to confirm something non-relationship-related with him), and I couldn't handle it. Then, during our conversation, something odd happened. The conversation became sidetracked towards our breakup, and I realized that I fell for him a lot harder than he fell for me, and that the breakup wasn't bothering him as much because he had a completely different mindset of what he wanted than I did. He confirmed this thinking when I confronted him about it. Ouch. Needless to say, realizing that hurt like a (bad word). So, he and I hung up after a bit, and after I calmed myself down, something snapped inside me. Since then, I have been alright. When I feel myself reminiscing (the old "you see the good but not the bad" type of thinking), I have found myself able to sidetrack my thinking. Not stuff it down and ignore the feelings, but process them quickly and move on. I had something similar to this reaction happen with two previous breakups with other people. One was five years in length, and I broke up with the guy and moved on in about a week. Another was a month in length, I was the one who was dumped, but I moved on in about two days. I am still friends with the guy I dated for five years, but the guy who dumped me after a month realized HE needed NC to get over me, and we have not had any contact since. Since the phone conversation yesterday, I have spoken with my ex via text a few times and have not had any issues with feeling negative or wishy-washy. I recognize that I may not be comfortable hearing his voice for a while, but keeping in contact that way does not bug me in the slightest. I don't want this "I feel alright" feeling to go away, or my ability to handle the breakup in a healthy manner (adjust my thinking and recognize my feelings in each current moment), but I am worried that it may be a fluke. Any suggestions? TL;DR - Ex and I broke up Saturday, I had three terrible days of emotions, but yesterday something snapped and I have been fine since. The same thing happened with two other ex's, and while getting over them so quickly was not a fluke, I am just slightly worried this might be.
DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Good for you! I wish I was as strong as you All the best for law school.
Author jap26 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Good for you! I wish I was as strong as you All the best for law school. That's the thing... I am not sure if I am that strong or if I am fooling myself. (insert eye roll here) I just don't want to feel on top of the world and then be rudely interrupted by myself later down the line... if that makes any sense.
DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 You should prepare yourself for it. It seems like you truly did have a lot of feelings for the guy and well, not to discourage you or anything, there are going to be good days and bad days. Some days you will wake up thinking you are over this and you'll be just fine for the rest days while other days, you will feel like ****. That's what's happening to me right now to be honest.
Author jap26 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 You should prepare yourself for it. It seems like you truly did have a lot of feelings for the guy and well, not to discourage you or anything, there are going to be good days and bad days. Some days you will wake up thinking you are over this and you'll be just fine for the rest days while other days, you will feel like ****. That's what's happening to me right now to be honest. I think what helps me the most is that he is in my life still. I have no desire to get back with him romantically, and the fact that we are still friends means a lot to me. That eases a lot of pain for me (it always has, for some reason).
mightycpa Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 That's the thing... I am not sure if I am that strong or if I am fooling myself. (insert eye roll here) I just don't want to feel on top of the world and then be rudely interrupted by myself later down the line... if that makes any sense. I think that you're neither strong nor fooling yourself. The truth is that you feel what you feel, and that your "SNAP" moment was involuntary. It's not like you summoned the feeling to make it so; rather, it happened to you. It seems to me that you're just lucky, or you were never as attached as you thought you were. I felt that same thing once in my life before. I was down in the dumps from getting dumped for an entire day. The next day, I could not have cared any less, and I felt free as a bird. I'd been with her for 5 years. Based on my experience, you're going to be just fine, except for that part about becoming a lawyer. Good luck!
Author jap26 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Based on my experience, you're going to be just fine, except for that part about becoming a lawyer. Good luck! Haha, thanks.
Author jap26 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I think that you're neither strong nor fooling yourself. The truth is that you feel what you feel, and that your "SNAP" moment was involuntary. It's not like you summoned the feeling to make it so; rather, it happened to you. It seems to me that you're just lucky, or you were never as attached as you thought you were. I felt that same thing once in my life before. I was down in the dumps from getting dumped for an entire day. The next day, I could not have cared any less, and I felt free as a bird. I'd been with her for 5 years. Based on my experience, you're going to be just fine, except for that part about becoming a lawyer. Good luck! That's a great way to put what happened. It was just a moment of realization where everything in my brain went quiet. Since then, when I do have moments where I may feel low, I catch myself and am able to analyze what's going on in my head and get through the negativity pretty smoothly.
Recommended Posts