Crazy mess equals uncertainty equals she messed around

[Carnival55]

So I've been in a relationship with my girl for almost two years. I had strong feelings for her from the start. She was still kind of seeing her ex then but then she was with me and loyal until recently. So I wanted a real relationship early on and she didn't want a commitment, but she was still loyal and of course I was. She would get upset about things frequently and we started arguing more and more and she would call me names and use things in my life or family life against me and demean me and then I'd get mad and she'd say I'm projecting or having an ego trip or how can I call myself a christian or why don't I go f*** the waitress that she thought I was looking at and get married and stuff. And She has had a lot of times where she felt weird about being physical and it's made me uncomfortable or used things against me like "why were you kissing me if you can't put your arm around me" and stuff. She told me I needed serious help. I didn't believe her but I needed serious help in that relationship so I went to see a therapist and showed him texts and talked to him about everything and he basically said she has borderline personality disorder and I should run away from her as fast as possible but I loved her too much and he said if I want to stay with her its gonna be a rocky road. Anyways, much of our arguments ended in her telling me its over but I tried to work on things and "working on things" just ended up with me arguing back harder and sometimes I would just leave cuz it was pointless to argue and she wouldn't take any responsibility and turn it on me even though I would apologize constantly. She would say I'm childish or not a man or tell me to go f*** my buddy cuz I would go over there sometimes when she wanted me to see her and she hated that. It got to where I accepted it was over for a short time. Maybe a few days but we would always be arguing with like 500 texts for those days until I would say I was sorry and everything would be good for a bit but I felt like I was always walking on eggshells at that point. Then it became a weekly thing. Then one time when I accepted it was over again I went and smoked pot at my buddys and then after a week I wanted her back and practically begged her and then later she said she did want a relationship with me but then I was uncertain if I wanted one. Then for months I was uncertain and I felt weird about being physical with her because pf all the put downs and because I would be blamed for being physical with her when I couldn't "be there emotionally" the next day or whatever! And she would never say she wanted to see me but if I didn't say I wanted to see her she would get really upset. And btw she doesn't know who her father is if that's important, which I think it is. And also I was a virgin before I met her, which she has said bad things about in arguments. So for the past five or six months I couldn't give her a straight answer if I wanted a relationship all I could say was I didn't know if I wanted one at all anymore or with her but I still wanted to be with her and be there for her. And she is always complaining about her job or life and can't watch movies that are too intense or talk about certain things that are upsetting and she talks about how rude other people are and there's always someone at her job who is "a b***". And her dog is her "soul mate" and she wants him to live forever and she gets upset if I don;t let him lick me even though I don't like it and he has humped me a lot which she thinks is cute, I don't. So I couldn't give her a straight answer but I always said I wanted to work on things and she would say there's no point unless ur in a relationship and I would say that's why we should work on things if we want to be in a relationship and she would never say we should work on things, actually she has told me a bunch of times that I need to work on things. She has said that she is much wiser than I am. She always says I don't care about her or questions my care, and btw I have gotten up at 4 in the morning to bring her tea and a bunch of things. I have helped pay her rent, which my therapist said I should definitely not do. She has hurt herself and sent me a picture of it one time! Not bad like a scratch but still! wtf! So for those months I have been uncertain she has been saying she needs to know because otherwise she is going to see other people. And I was still seeing her and in my mind we were together whether it was a "committed relationship" or not. And we have both talked about being loyal and how we can't see each other if we are going to see other people. So after a fight and a "break up" she had made out with another guy and told me. And I forgave it and we were together. Then one time after she got off work at her new job I was going to a friends for a few hours and texted her to see if she wanted to do something later. And she didn't answer and got upset that I was going over there and wasn't seeing her right away, also because we had sex the other night and she cannot have it any other way but me spending all my free time with her after words for the next say or days. And I told her we would have plenty of time to hang out and she took me as going to my friends for a few hours as blowing her off and then she made other plans and told me that I didn't even discuss a time with her and blamed me. So the next day was my dad's bday and I had family visiting so I spent most of that day with them and then I asked if she wanted to plan a time for later and she just argued with me. And then the next day she said something after a lot more was said like "should I keep seeing other people?" And I was going to go talk with her but I asked if she had been seeing other people and she wouldn't answer and I told her I couldn't see her if she won't tell me and I got so mad and yelled over the phone and a week later, after apologizing for yelling and getting back with her, while we were messing around she told me she messed around with another guy. I spent the night and next day with her but then it set in and I had images of what they did in my mind and I asked what they did and she said it's none of my business cuz we weren't in a committed relationship and I'm to blame because I couldn't tell her I wanted one for months. Ok I've said a lot of negative stuff but there is a lot of sweetness in her too and I know if I should stay that's what I should be talking about right? Everyone I know has been telling me to end things for a long time now. So after that night I told her I couldn't stay the next night because I was hurt and feeling weird and she told me it was none of my business so that was it for me. And she got real upset cuz I didn't want to stay. And she still retains that she was in the right because I couldn't say I wanted to be with her for months and she has cried a lot over it even though I told her that even though it is my responsibility and I should have said yes or no a long time ago that she takes no responsibility on why I was unsure and how she treated me nor did she ever say she wanted to work on stuff or admit she had anything to work on. So for a couple weeks I have been regretting everything and feeling like I wish I just could have said I wanted a relationship before and thinking of what she did with that guy and also stewing in my anger over how she takes no responsibility or understands why I feel cheated on. Also she drinks when she gets upset, I don't drink at all. Plenty of other stuff I could say. I have felt like I just want to go have sex with a lot of women after this and I have also felt like I still want her but I feel like I'm crazy for even wanting to be with her still. And she told me she didn't have sex with him but they messed around. Ahhh! And then I did check out other women for the week after I told her it was over (and I actually have told her its was over a few times) and I told her and she got pissed that I was checking out other girls! Like wtf woman you just messed around with another guy! I know what kind of answer I am going to get. I should leave her right? But my feelings for her run deep and we have a lot of really precious memories and intimate connections. I need wisdom here.

[towch]

please split into paragraphs, i will however try to read

[towch]

ok finished reading for a second thought you were the other guy my Ex was messing with. I dont know man the therapist already told you this girl is psycho. But most importantly she has no respect for you and why a woman does not respect a man, you are finished. She will do whatever she wants. Being in a committed relationship means nothing to her she just wants the label it will not stop her from doing what she wants.

 

Your power, respect and dignity is gone and i feel it is too far gone to get it back.

[jen1447]

/ wall of text kills

[lauri]

Can you repost in paragraphs in this thread? Its too hard to read.

[Strength in Healing]

Another topic about someone with borderline personality disorder. They're running rampant right now. Epidemic.

[Latino4Lyfe]

Whoa, first off thanks for the reading exercise lol. Ok, believe it or not, this actually sounds a lot like my ex as well. Mine used to get upset and angry with me for things that she mainly caused and twisted things around as well. But at the same time, my love for her was/is? so deep that I was willing to try and overcome it all and work it out with her. Your therapist was right when he mentioned that staying with her would be a rocky road, a persona like that doesn't change or improve overnight unfortunately.

 

As you know, while everyone here will most likely tell you to just keep it moving and forget about this girl. Speaking from advice and my own personal experience, I would listen. Trying to keep working on things with this girl but at the same time, instead of her working with you and your relationship and just instead choosing to be reckless and then bullsh** about it later, is not healthy in the long run. Unless a miracle happens or something life changing happens with her to cause her to open her eyes and improve, which I doubt will happen anytime soon, it's best to look out for yourself and move on. It's not worth it right now.

[Chi townD]

Dude, this girl is 5 degree's of bat sh*t crazy! Run!

 

 

I mean, she made fun of you because you were a virgin?!?! Most girls would cherish that about you. That you're a guy that would wait for the right girl to share that with and would be honored and humbled that you think that she's the one that has your heart and feels comfortable enough to give her your virginity. Not make fun of it.

 

 

Dude, run. Don't look back. I mean, she gave you all sorts of crap about you trying to be physical with her without the emotional needs being met. Yet, during a break up, she didn't hold some other dude to those standards. She just screwed him without any consequences.

 

 

Dude, there are plenty of girls out there that aren't bat sh*t crazy and know how to treat a guy the right way. And when you find one of them, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

 

Run!

[Satu]

No paragraphs; won't read.

[minime13]

Ever notice how some couples pick up each others little habits, quirks, and traits when they've been together a long time?

 

Your post seems like some of her crazy is starting to rub off on you. No offense, but you need to take note of that.

 

This is a damaging relationship in more ways than one. It's time to step out, for your own well being.