silverliningplaybook Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Obviously I can not write out every single detail of the relationship but I will do my best. Me and my boyfriend met in 2011, I was 17 just turning 18 and he was 21 just turning 22. He is without a doubt my first boyfriend. Now he came with a really bad past, he's been arrested, an ex drug addict and has a bad reputation for his high school days in our town. However upon meeting him he had a great soul and the way he made me feel was incredible. I fell in love and so did he. We got matching tattoos, we went every where together, I would even take him sometimes to his meetings for getting medication early in the morning (it was for people getting over heroin abuse) Now textbook he sounds bad, but he really wasn't. He had the biggest heart, and he fell in those circumstances because he got hurt in college from a football injury that shattered his dreams of ever going pro so he found himself in the wrong crowd, depressed and coping with drugs. We planned on going to California, and after half a year of being together I came across a message he sent to a girl he knew from high school. He was talking to her about getting into the porn industry. I was devastated but confronted him. He replied he wasn't going to but he felt broken about what he had become so he needed money. I felt sympathy and decided to let it go. He ended up getting a job doing construction and things continued going good. He was laid off and found himself with an opportunity at a local gym doing sales. Trouble started again. He started messaging girls and texting them, claiming it was nothing. He would break up with me kick me out. I would cling on more thinking maybe he needed love the most. He eventually broke up with me out of the blue march of 2012. I was so heartbroken I tried taking my life. Feeling that I was such a failure and that I couldn't provide enough love to someone I cared and loved so deeply. He came back around after the incident, he had no clue what had happened and even accused me of lying until I provided him evidence from the hospital. I felt so broken that I was in the children psych ward and ashamed. I found during that time he tried getting with several girls and he said he just wanted to see if he still got it. I tried my best to give him space, he would go weeks without talking to me, he would come in and out of my life as he pleased. I was hands and knees on his call. Whenever he called to hang out, I was right there for him. He broke up with for three months fall/winter of 2012. Depressed and broke working retail jobs that surrounded his schedule to be able to see him more I enlisted in the Army. I told him and he didn't call me until the week before I left he got back with me. I wrote him every day and he wrote me, I felt that I finally got my baby back. The second half of bootcamp when we went to the school part for our military jobs and got our phones, he broke up with me the day before my birthday. I then found out from my ex friend at the time that he heard he was cheating on me with a girl I went to high school with. Distraught but scared to show emotion in front of my sergeants, there was one kid who saw me crying and offered a shoulder to cry on. I cried to him straight for weeks and he listened to me, for the first time I felt like I was seen. He confessed he has feelings for me, I ended up trying to move on with him. He tried reconnecting with me on Facebook when he saw I was doing better and saw pictures of me with my friends. Angry but still in love I would talk to him but tell him I wanted nothing to do with him. He got with an ex (One who a girl he talked to frequently before our breakup) and a girl on vacation and i'm sure there are more, I just don't know for a fact. He wanted to get back and I love him so much, I did too but I was hurt and I couldn't knowing he cheated. When I returned home my friends story didn't add up and honestly I still believe to this day I didn't want to believe my friend. I missed him so much and we met up but I was resentful at the same time. Being back in my hometown everything was a reminder of him. The kid from the army wanted me to move to his state. Wanting to move on I tried it out but a week and a half later realizing I made a stupid impulsive decision, I told him it was a mistake and I'm still not over my ex. He was drinking got angry and put his hands on me, even tried running me over with his car. I packed all my stuff and left that night. My ex contacted me that he missed me so I tried to be with him ever since it has been a struggle. He has put his hands on me and I have put my hands on him, he has contacted his ex, lied, kicked me out of his house. We decided to move to NYC in summer of 2014. We lived in an apartment together. He has kicked me out three times and he has still been in contact with those girls. I had a melt down and ended in the hospital after he threatened to send my naked pictures to my baby brothers and "expose how much of a slut I am" After the hospital he asked me to move back in and then kicked me out. I started talking to a guy and he talked to several girls again. He came back apologizing and threatening to kill himself if I didn't get back with him. Scared and upset for him I talked to him and I decided to get back with him because I love him and never want to see him that upset. He has contacted ex again and I confronted him he apologized. Now he asked details about the kid from the army and asked i he came in me. Something I denied for a long time because I did not want to speak about that with him. I know he has with several girls and let's just say a woman's intuition is usually if not always right... I told him that he did and he broke things off saying that he's never going to talk to me again.... Now here's the question or questions.. Am I crazy, is he manipulating me? If I messed this up how do I fix it? Should I move on? If so, How? PLEASE HELP I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO!! MY FAMILY DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY AND I HAVE NO MORE FRIENDS!! Edited May 16, 2015 by silverliningplaybook Easier Reading Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Paragraph breaks are your friends - please use them... That said, he is a classic manipulator and you have been allowing it. Messaging all those other girls? Let them have him; you can do much better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverliningplaybook Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Sorry about the paragraphs, but thank you. I love him so much and I want him to come around. What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 You deserve so much better than this douche. Any guy that would treat you in this way does not deserve you. He did manipulate you, so now you need to stand up for yourself, cut him out of your life and then move on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Sorry about the paragraphs, but thank you. I love him so much and I want him to come around. What can I do? Your love is not sufficient to save this catastrophe. In fact, your love is entirely one-sided. He is so disrespectful and knows he can walk all over you. What can you do? Find the strength to walk away. You will be much better off the sooner you can do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverliningplaybook Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Thank you both, I have tried moving on, but I can't seem to find the strength.. how can I do this. Any and every piece of advice would help Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 You have to remove any triggers; blocking on Facebook and all social media, don't go to places you two have been, have absolutely NO CONTACT with him whatsoever, and throw yourself into those things that are re-affirming for you (working out, seeing movies, reading books, creating art, connecting with old friends...) But you have to be 100% diligent in wiping the slate clean from him. None of this, "we can still be friends" BS where there is even a modicum of contact. Because if you do that, he will re-engage you back into the same situation you are in. Break up, move on, and don't ever talk to him again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverliningplaybook Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 i'm sorry, last question. Do you think because another guy came in me when we weren't together that was enough for him to leave? Did he want to or did I mess things up? Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 i'm sorry, last question. Do you think because another guy came in me when we weren't together that was enough for him to leave? Did he want to or did I mess things up? IMO, the fact that you were with another guy when you were broken up was enough of a reason to leave in his eyes. He was looking for a reason and this was his reason. You did nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
KissofGrace Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 he doesn't deserve you. You deserve so much better. I agree with above comments, no contact of any kind, he appears to be a smooth talker. all the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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