Maximboi23 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 First of all I would like to say I'm sorry for the many threads. It helps me to vent and get great advice and support from LS. I have been NC with ex fiancé for about 4.5 months. I thought I would be a bit better at this stage but I don't think I am. I have joined the gym ever since the BU and have lost a lot of weight and just work a lot to keep busy. I go to my psychologist weekly and take antidepressant to help me cope with life. I still in shock phase I believe bevauae to this day i still can't believe she's gone. I used to call her all the time when I went outside my job to smoke amd now I go out and it feels so lonely without hearing her laugh and telling me she loves me so much and we both make jokes and laugh. I would text her all day long and tell her how much I love her. Her and her son meant everything to me. We were like a little family. I knew that little boy half his life and now I have lost them all. I wish I was a better man and not have pushed her away and made the mistake of taking her for granted and not wanting her due to my financial issue at that time. I never meant to hurt her and disappoint her. I used to do everything for her and I get so sad that I feel she is not taking care of Herself or the new guy she is with is not doing all I was doing for her. I can't stop thinking of our times and the stupid stuff we used to do like go grocery shopping and just going out to eat. I try to avoid a lot of places so I don't have to be reminded but it is impossible. I see her favorite face wash and hair color and favorite snack at the store and I immedietly feely heart sink and I get so sad. I tried so hard to tell her I was sorry and made aistake and lets work on us but she jumped so quick into another man. What does that mean? Why would someone do that. How can they just forget about 3 years with u and start something new. This has hit me more hard than anything I have ever gone through and I'm in my early 30's. Just thinking of other girls makes me not into it and not want anyone but her. We had our share of problems but I never stopped loving her. I believe she was the one and the women I can be with forver and love forever. I would always text her saying I love you adore you and cherish u when I used to text her goodnight every ight. I am a good man and I have a lot of love to give. I just wish I didn't have my issues and the issues that caused my fiancé to leave and be with someone else. She haunts me every single second of day and night. I dream constantly about her and everyday is a struggle to go through. I keep busy with gym work friends and try to plan trips but she is on my mind following me everywhere. I love and miss her so much. I miss her face and holding her hand and giving her hugs that I used to. The Hug that felt like I was so loved And adored and it felt so warm and something I have never felt with anyone else. I wish she can realize I am the one for her and I love her so much but I know I am living in a dream because she will never come Back and it breaks me in half. Sorry for the long post. I just can't help express all I feel for her. I am a broken man now and going backwards instead of Forwards. Please forgive me Jenna for all I have done and to let u down all the time. I wish I learned from what I was doing and built our relationship but I just Couldn't change and see the effects my actions was having on you. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart and I deserve this agony and pain for taking u for Granted and not Changing. God forgive me Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You seem to be doing all the right things. It will take time. Since you are doing so well with the weight loss & you seem to miss her more acutely on your smoke breaks, how about trying to give up smoking too? It's good for you & it will get you away from the trigger . . . where you used to go when you called her. I know how hard it can be. I used to call my parents all the time when I drove back to my office from my morning appointments. When they passed, I had nobody to call during that drive & I felt incredibly lonely. Every once in a while that feeling returns but it's not as strong any more. Hang in there. If you haven't already done so, box up all the momentos & the wedding stuff. Also rearrange your living space ... move the furniture, get some new art, buy new sheets etc. Make it a space that is not about her & you two as a couple. Take a different route to work. Just make things different. It will help. Link to post Share on other sites
Situasian Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP i feel for you man i really do. I was with my ex for about 4 years and i feel exactly like you sometimes. I hate grocery shopping because thats something we would do together(as i couldnt cook but she would take me along and ask me what i wanted to eat that week etc so she could get the groceries to cook them). Sometimes i get so guilty about certain things i didnt do in the relationship and all the times i should of said i loved her or how much she meant to me but in the end it doesn't matter because in all honesty would that have changed the situation at all? probably not, i'm not a religious man but i promise you god has a plan because when he closes one door another one opens, this i promise you Link to post Share on other sites
OneBigIdgit Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 is this 'took them for granted' mostly a guy thing? I know I took mine for granted. She told me things constantly to feed my ego and pump me up but I seldom told her anything. She told me nice things so often that it gave the impression that I didn't need to put in much effort. I always notice when a guy mentions that he took her for granted. I know it isn't something I did intentionally. I guess I'm a procrastinator. The thought might pop into my head that I should tell her how much I care but then Id get distracted or just think, I'll tell her tomorrow. One day tomorrow was no longer an option. Well, I could have told her but her new life was planned and she quickly moved 300 miles Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maximboi23 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 You seem to be doing all the right things. It will take time. Since you are doing so well with the weight loss & you seem to miss her more acutely on your smoke breaks, how about trying to give up smoking too? It's good for you & it will get you away from the trigger . . . where you used to go when you called her. I know how hard it can be. I used to call my parents all the time when I drove back to my office from my morning appointments. When they passed, I had nobody to call during that drive & I felt incredibly lonely. Every once in a while that feeling returns but it's not as strong any more. Hang in there. If you haven't already done so, box up all the momentos & the wedding stuff. Also rearrange your living space ... move the furniture, get some new art, buy new sheets etc. Make it a space that is not about her & you two as a couple. Take a different route to work. Just make things different. It will help. Thank u so much for your reply. Yeh I need to quit again. I did quiet for a while because my ex helped me and I was doing it for us. As soon as she left I went back to habit. It is really hard to break the pattern. No matter what I do differently she aways is in my mind. I feel her presence next to me a lot and then realize I am alone now and she is gone forever. One day I did box up the stuff and was reading the cards she have me and I cried so muxh. She expressed how much she loved me and supported me and that she will never ever leave me and promised me and now she left and all those words mean nothing now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maximboi23 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP i feel for you man i really do. I was with my ex for about 4 years and i feel exactly like you sometimes. I hate grocery shopping because thats something we would do together(as i couldnt cook but she would take me along and ask me what i wanted to eat that week etc so she could get the groceries to cook them). Sometimes i get so guilty about certain things i didnt do in the relationship and all the times i should of said i loved her or how much she meant to me but in the end it doesn't matter because in all honesty would that have changed the situation at all? probably not, i'm not a religious man but i promise you god has a plan because when he closes one door another one opens, this i promise you Thanks for your reply and time. Yeh I u derstand. We used to grocery shopping every fri and I cam Never forget it. We used to pick out our favorite things and her stuff and I took it l for granted. Oh what I would Give up to do those little things with her again. God and my hope will maybe bring her back or forever keep her out Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts