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ex contacting friends - smear campaign


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 16th March 2015, 2:13 PM   #1
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ex contacting friends - smear campaign

I can't break free apparently. My ex, who cheated on me with two people, actively tried to get one of them pregnant (so she says), and regularly has affairs (by his own admission) with married women, nearly drove me crazy during the relationship, literally. Towards the end I was so suspicious that I was imagining all sorts of scenarios, constantly trying to “catch him.” After I broke it off, I reached out to the two other women, one admitted it and said she knew about the other, the other denied (she was his client’s wife). I loved him. It sucked. I felt terribly betrayed. I regret not just making a clean break and moving on, but I did eventually go no contact after about three weeks of back and forth with him.

The breakup leveled me for about two months – I did the usual lie in bed and cry, blah blah. These days (5 months later) I’m mostly over it, even dating someone I rather like. Yet recently my ex contacted one of my close friends (with whom I fell out after the breakup) and from what she tells me, he seems determined to tell everyone I’m “crazy” and “psycho” and he is afraid I’m going to take revenge on him in some way. This seems a rather belated project on his part, but it’s done the job. I’ve had a couple people on facebook block me (people I barely know), the friend he spoke with also has me blocked, and a third friend told me, last night, that my ex wasn't wrong because I should be “over it by now” and that I did “alarming things” after the breakup.

Honestly, I WAS pretty much over it until he showed up and started this nonsense, and doesn’t everyone go a little mad after a breakup? I mean, I was emotional, and I did ferret out the women he was screwing, but I didn’t blow up his phone, drive by his house, hide in the bushes, whatever crazy stalker people do. I’ve been no contact for nearly 4 months now.

Most of my friends were supportive after the breakup, apart from these two – who are close to each other and both criticize me – it’s like frenemies or something. They’re kind of catty in general (they always have been), but now it’s like they are taking his side. And his accusations that I’m “psycho,” combined with their little jabs, have me starting to revisit all of the pain of the breakup. Am I really crazy? I’m starting to feel like it.
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Old 16th March 2015, 3:08 PM   #2
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Nope. Not crazy in the least. :-)

My ex cheated on me twice as well and has gone absolutely "scorched earth" with how crazy and psycho I am. It's a defense mechanism in their worthless little world. They are so screwed up in the head, that they cannot and will not come to grips that they are at total fault, so in order to justify their actions they fabricate bullsh*t. They can't be the ones who screwed up, right?

It ticked me off big time at first, but when ever a friend or someone said "she told me you were crazy and jealous of her talking with guys" I just smiled and responded "Nope. Had no problem with her talking with other guys. I had a problem with her sleeping with other guys". The look on their faces was priceless as they were never told that part of the story from her. :-)

Laugh it off if you can. He's trying to stay afloat....
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Old 16th March 2015, 3:17 PM   #3
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Welcome to the world of relationship politics. All else being equal, the most convincing person wins the social war. People who are either naturally proficient at swaying human sentiment and opinion, or are trained professionally and work in doing so every day, generally have the upper hand here. What remains is their proclivities.

As a humorous example, did Clara Peller sway me to buy a Wendy's hamburger over the competition? Where is the beef? That's how it works. Why did I remember that ad from my childhood? Because the people who created it were effective in manipulating the attention, thoughts and opinions of potential customers.
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Old 16th March 2015, 3:21 PM   #4
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The retort:

Quote:
You mean revenge for him sleeping with those other women? No, I did what I needed to do about that.
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Old 16th March 2015, 3:25 PM   #5
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@Friggin
Afloat how? I just want him to go the f**k away. And I can't believe that a) my one friend would actually talk to him at length after everything she knows about him, and even hang out with him; and b) friend #2 would defend this behavior and point the finger at me for having a problem with it.

And then I just look nuts for being upset about the whole thing, which is then construed as me being upset about him and therefore not over him (because I'm talking about it to friend #2) so I am a confirmed psycho.

I mean, we were out drinking the other night and a third girl reached to take my phone away when I was texting because she thought I was texting my ex!! I mean, I am so beyond that. Not only would it not even cross my mind to send my ex a text message, but I know it would be a really stupid idea, so um no, please let me use my phone.

Maybe I just need to cut ties with these two girls?
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Old 16th March 2015, 3:27 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill View Post
People who are either naturally proficient at swaying human sentiment and opinion, or are trained professionally and work in doing so every day, generally have the upper hand here. What remains is their proclivities.
Yeah, he sells things for a living - in a way. And is apparently rather adept at lying and seduction. I'm the biggest fool ever.
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Old 16th March 2015, 3:28 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting4u View Post

Most of my friends were supportive after the breakup, apart from these two – who are close to each other and both criticize me – it’s like frenemies or something. They’re kind of catty in general (they always have been), but now it’s like they are taking his side. And his accusations that I’m “psycho,” combined with their little jabs, have me starting to revisit all of the pain of the breakup. Am I really crazy? I’m starting to feel like it.
This is the best way to deal with the catty people.

Or like this.


And no, you're not crazy.
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Old 16th March 2015, 3:45 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting4u View Post
@Friggin
Afloat how? I just want him to go the f**k away. And I can't believe that a) my one friend would actually talk to him at length after everything she knows about him, and even hang out with him; and b) friend #2 would defend this behavior and point the finger at me for having a problem with it.
The more he makes you out to be evil, the more he sheds guilt. Some people enjoy watching car wrecks. Your friends seem to be of that type. It's not you, it's them. They may have so much drama in their lives, that being "involved" with your ex's crap allows them to not feel their lives are so bad after all. Friend #2 reeks of a cheater in the past...

Quote:

And then I just look nuts for being upset about the whole thing, which is then construed as me being upset about him and therefore not over him (because I'm talking about it to friend #2) so I am a confirmed psycho.
Friend #2 is toxic. Sounds like she/he has cheated in the past. If not, they love drama. Weak character.

Quote:

I mean, we were out drinking the other night and a third girl reached to take my phone away when I was texting because she thought I was texting my ex!! I mean, I am so beyond that. Not only would it not even cross my mind to send my ex a text message, but I know it would be a really stupid idea, so um no, please let me use my phone.
If your ex was part of the discussion at anytime that night, that was just a friend being protective. Jumped to conclusions, but, just being protective. Don't read into something that is not there...


Quote:
Maybe I just need to cut ties with these two girls?
Perhaps back off a little from friend #2 for a bit....

p.s. You're not crazy. :-)
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