Girlfriend wants space, but still see's me, still has sex

[MrLover]

Hey,

 

I am in a little bit of turmoil currently, and really need your help to take decisive action, any views would be greatly appreciated.

 

Backstory:

 

Me: 31 years old, fairly attractive guy, always done well with girls, own my own company, very easy going and love socialising. Very affectionate and sensitive.

 

Her: 31 years old, HUGE group of friends, owns her own business with her ex of 9 years, outgoing, very stubborn but a lot of love to give, VERY independent. Still in contact with her ex who she owns business with, he would love to have her back, she's told me she will always care about him.

 

I was fresh from a relationship when my GF and I met in June. First couple of dates I was still cut up about my ex, and was just looking at this as a way of taking my mind of it. However, on the 2nd date she told me she really liked me, and we just kinda clicked from there. The chemistry and comfort was amazing. Her friends were messaging me saying theyd never seen her so happy, that they all wanted a ''me'' in their lives. 7 weeks in we decided on an impromtu holiday, and spent a week of bliss in the sunshine, both agreeing that it was the best time of our lives, we had so much fun, more than most friends do together. We were set. The next few months were blissful, we were in each others pockets and it did not take long for her to tell me she loved me, and loved everything about me. I was doing well at remaining alpha, then as we reached November, she started becoming run down, tired, stressed, she changed contraception and her hormones were off, she hinted at me moving in with her but I wasnt ready, I didnt want that sort of commitment yet. Then as we hit December, although we were still amazingly in love, extremely affectionate and very active in the bedroom, i noticed a change in her tone, her texts were shorter, she stopped sending me lovey dovey picture quotes, my gut was telling me something was wrong. I started chatting with other girls, preparing for the worst, seeing if this relationship is what i actually wanted. I am always very open, so I pushed my GF repeatedly as to why she seemed like she didnt care the same anymore, why she was colder. Her response was one that she was devastated that I was having doubts, that what we have is amazing, that she would collapse without me, that we couldnt just give up so easy, and she was just out of the honeymoon phase and being more normal because thats what happens. I was unsure. Then, suddenly, out of nothing, she was unsure what she wanted, all these issues she had with me from early in our relationship spilled out, things i had never guessed were a problem for her....I was blind sided. I opened up to her, told her this whole thing had been the slap in the face i needed, and i loved her more than ever. She said it was all too much drama and unless we stopped talking about it, she couldnt do it anymore. So, we agreed to draw a line and carry on, but she warned me that she doesnt forget, that she will struggle and it will take time for her to get past this. TO me it was minor, to her it was like a nucleur explosion. This was the end of December, we then had a few drunken party nights, where itt all came out again, 3-4 times, and it caused further damage, I would ask if she was ok, she would explode and it would all come out again. TO the point a couple weeks ago where she seemed stressed, I pushed her for what was up, had she had a bad day? Thats when she hit me, she couldnt do it anymore, she loved me but it was too much drama, I have a need to fix things - she HATES to talk about problems. This was the same night I had found out my Dad was dying, just 2 years after losing my mum, and also I was starting a huge, important new job away from home the following week, which would involved 2 weeks abroad. That night she asked me to stay with her, we cuddled, kissed, she told me she loved me, I said I am not going to beg for her back, but its the wrong thing to do. Just weeks before I was due to buy her ex out of her business, she was asking me to move in, we were planning our future. I said to her I am not stupid I am rational, but its a mistake and she will regret it. She said she knows, and why dont we just have some time apart, whilst I am away, I said she should have just waited for that anyway - she said she would have but I pushed her for what was wrong. This is where it gets confusing:

 

So, after telling me she just needed space to get her **** together on the Friday night, we parted on the Saturday morning with her saying we'll talk later and a kiss - confusing.

 

Then after not talking all of Saturday, I realised on the Sunday that the car to take me to the airport at 4am on Monday was picking me up from her house, and it was not changeable. I text her telling her and she said ofcourse, come and stay over. I turned up late, she greeted me with a kiss and cuddle, she asked me to sit with her watching a film, she stroked my face. I then said I was going to bed to sleep on the sofa, she asked me to stay in the bed with her. We then cuddled all night, and she kissed me alot when I got up to leave, she told me she loved me and asked if i minded if she called me that night to find out how my first day had gone, I said its a bit weird but sure. Confusing.

 

So, then when I landed from my flight she texted me saying good luck and she hopes I had a good flight. We then exchanged messages intermittently through the day, she was normal. We spoke that night and it was as if nothing had happened. Confusing.

 

Then, through the week we stayed in touch, she said she wanted to stay in touch, and we agreed to go out for dinner Saturday night. We spoke every night apart from Thursday/Friday. I landed late Friday, and I couldnt find my house key, she begrudgingly said ''I would offer you to stay at mine but I dont wanna get up to let you in'' - charming, I said thanks but no thanks, she then said ''if its not gonna be late I can leave the key under the mat'' - again, why not offer that to start with, and I said no thanks. Odd.

 

We went out Saturday, we cuddled, kissed, touched each other all night, we had fun, it was nice and light, with no conversation about the relationship, she said she was looking forward to getting me home, we spent the night together, had AMAZING sex on Saturday night and again Sunday morning. She then asked if I was staying with her Sunday night, I said the car was booked again to pick me up there, but I can change it this time. She said no stay with her. I then asked if she fancied the cinema and she said no, her friends were bringing a movie over that night. I asked if that was an invitation, she said yes, but she couldnt pick me up from my house (my car needed to be at my place for when i got back the following week). I got a lift back to hers, stayed, we spent the whole night cuddling, as if we were clinging on to each other. Then in the morning we cuddled and kissed ALOT, she told me she loved me. I thought - we are getting back on track.

 

Then, I landed Monday, she text me again saying hope I had a good flight. But from that point her texts were short, were cold. I dont believe in games, I am trying to be consistent, so I said ''fancy date night Thursday?'' - she said that's good with her. We didnt talk Monday night, I asked if she wanted to, and we arranged it, but I had been out drinking and fell asleep when I got to my hotel, so i missed her call. The next morning I text apologising, she was fine, but still cold. We then arranged to speak that night, and we did, for 30 mins, it was fine, nice and light, but I wasnt really in the mood. Again, when we ended the call, she said i love you first. It is now the day after, and we have not spoken yet.

 

On one had, I want to back off completely, but she has told me she has the space she needs with me being away, and still wants to talk. Her texts are noticably colder, and she clearly is not as excited when we talk, but when we are together its all good.

 

Did she get scared that our relationship had taken alot of her independence by being so intense, she then saw me wobble which caused her to go into self protection?

 

Did my neediness in trying to uncover why she was cold turn her off me?

 

Did she lose respect for me thru drunken arguments?

 

Why does she still give me such mixed messages?

 

Given her dislike for any emotional conversation, how do I address this? I want to say to her when we go out Thursday - Let's start again, let's try and start dating again, take it slow, no pressure, forget the past and focus on the future, rebuild it all. I dont agree with breaks, you are in or you are out, and if she is out I will say I wall walk away and she will never hear from me again, but what we have is too much to just give up on - so why not start over?

 

What do you experts think?

 

Thanks so much!

[LoveIsMyReligion]

This is a tough one but it definitely sounds like she might have someone else she is talking to. Even if she isn't speaking with anyone else games like this are never good regardless of the reason.

 

This isn't something you can fix or change, best option, and undoubtedly the most difficult, is to focus on yourself and let her make up her mind. If she wants to fool around again I would stand firm otherwise she has no reason to commit to you if she is already getting everything she wants.

 

Let us know how things go.

[EgoJoe]

Move on because at 31 she is as emotionally available as a 21 year old girl. You can do better. Normal Women would be happy to talk about their problems. Asking what is wrong is what most Women would love their man to ask when they are moody.

 

 

Next.

[myheartaches]

The problem is that you seem to be talking to her a lot via text and phone. This means that you cannot see her facial expressions. It is not always a good idea to determine someone's mood over the phone because you are just missing a lot. Perhaps you should wait a bit, and date and chat with her more face to face. This will give you a better idea of her true feelings towards you.