Comphobia Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Short version of the last 3 months...my long term relationship moved in to my house end of July after almost 4 years of dating. We finished raising our kids before combining households. His dad then passed away in August after a long illness. We were close throughout the funeral process and while we traveled to see my son graduate from basic training. In September, he became very passive aggressive and was nit picking anything I did or said. I tried to talk to him and he replied he was over his dad's death and became more withdrawn. He had asked my Dad to marry me, told his mom how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. Then comes Oct 1st, he had already given me money for the month, sold some stuff out of storage. He was especially quiet and I asked what was wrong? And he went into robot mode, saying he was suffocated, thought he could conform, wanted to be alone and on his own. I cried, he became more adamant. Following morning, he packed most of his stuff and left. NO one had any idea! he refused to say where he was. Then the boundary placing started. No calls, only texting. Refused to even tell his mom. All along he is saying he needs time away, needs his own place blah blah blah. His drinking increased and little by little I start to realize something more is up. Turns out within a few weeks of leaving he is back living with his x girlfriend that was an drinking, abusive relationship like his marriage had been. His mom stated that the while time they were together when she would ask why he stayed with her, his reply was she was "a good time". This is the woman that everyone has had and as of now he hasn't changed his mail or license. Some mail goes to my house, some to his mothers. He has cut contact with his mom since she questioned his decisions. He tried to get me to be his hook up buddy...my reply no... I made him get the rest of his things the day after Christmas, he shows with a card with a 100 gift card, looks me straight in the face and says "I still love you"...when he left I said Bye and he asked why I said it like that. My reply was because this is the last time we will see each other. His reply, " we will see." He still denies he is living with her...as of Jan 7th he texted and was missing me, after that I texted him and said he made his decisions and mine was to not any contact with him, I needed to move on as he has. It has been silent. We do have a joint credit card that he has been paying on each month. Looking back, I wish I had researched fear of commitment because I missed MANY signals. As hard as it is, I need to maintain no contact, and move on and let him decide what life he really wants. His signature phrase was he didn't know what he feared and he was afraid to let me go but afraid to move on without me. Listen to your gut feelings, I wish I would have:( Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts