Halcyon Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 So my ex of seven months who got cold feet contacted me today after a month of strict NC after she dumped me. I didn't fight her on it, beg or plead just said if that's really what she wanted I would respect her wishes. She really wanted to remain friends I told her I have a very bad history of being friends with exes to which she became very upset. She sent me a message stating "Hey xxxx, I hope you are doing well. I would like to stay in contact if this makes you uncomfortable, not ready or just don't want to keep in contact that's OK. Just let me know." As mentioned in my other thread I didn't really feel much after the breakup and I still don't. I've just been going on with my life, exercising more etc. I don't really have any negative feelings towards her other than I don't think she knows what the hell she wants. I'm not sure why she wants to keep me in her life so badly. 2
unforgotten Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 To be her plan B. You already did let her know you don't want to keep contact with her. Just keep NC. She's clearly going crazy about you ignoring her. She'll definitely text you some more and throw you some breadcrumbs to chew on. You're doing just fine! Keep up the good work! 7
st peter Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 yeah sounds like you are doing good. take some time and figure out whether you want her back or not. if not, send a polite response re-affirming that you don't like being friends with exes, wish her well and then resume NC. if yes, then only you know how to play it. but just be aware of being a plan b like the guy above said. only go for her if she realises she made a mistake and will do anything she wants to get you back. obviously this is just my opinion, do what you gotta do mate, but sounds like you're fine
WonderWoman911 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 To me she sounds like she regrets breaking up with you, so she decides to send you this message as bait and hope it works in her favor. But if I was you, I would feel like "stay in contact for what?", you know what I mean? But if you're moving on with your life that's great. Don't take steps back just keep moving forward. 5
Author Halcyon Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 Pretty much my thoughts like what exactly is the point of staying in contact. I'm not going to be doing chit chat or arranging to meet up with her or anything like that. I can't really be friends with her it would be more like casual acquaintances which I don't see the point considering how close we were. 3
WonderWoman911 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Pretty much my thoughts like what exactly is the point of staying in contact. I'm not going to be doing chit chat or arranging to meet up with her or anything like that. I can't really be friends with her it would be more like casual acquaintances which I don't see the point considering how close we were. Exactly. And when she said "just let me know", that's her way of saying that she wants to hear from you in some way, shape, or form.Lol... That's wordplay. 3
unforgotten Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 "Just let me know what you've already "let me know"" 1
Author Halcyon Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 Games bore me to tears, if she wants to talk about what happened cool otherwise I'm not really interested. 1
Author Halcyon Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 I just replied "Hey xxx, I'm fine, I hope you are doing well too. I don't know what you're expecting as I said I'm not really friends with any of my exes and I don't want to force something like this." She has already replied "Ok. If you want to chat or catch up just give me a buzz." errrr.... no I'm not going to be chasing her I don't know what the **** she is thinking. 2
dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I think your response was perfect. Very straightforward and honest with your intentions and expectations, even though you already were -- a month ago. It's amazing how she still persists even after you say it for the second time.
Author Halcyon Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ All I know is I won't be chatting or asking to catch up... 4
Light Breeze Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I just replied "Hey xxx, I'm fine, I hope you are doing well too. I don't know what you're expecting as I said I'm not really friends with any of my exes and I don't want to force something like this." She has already replied "Ok. If you want to chat or catch up just give me a buzz." errrr.... no I'm not going to be chasing her I don't know what the **** she is thinking. I remember your story bro, you kept your **** together even though you were blindsided. How are you by the way, still lingering feelings for the ex? 1
dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Gotta love it when they bulldoze your heart and waltz right back in, like 'what's up, yo?? Let's chillll.' Like, no. Go away and don't come back. You had your chance and you blew it. 4
Author Halcyon Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 I remember your story bro, you kept your **** together even though you were blindsided. How are you by the way, still lingering feelings for the ex? I'm doing pretty ok, I had a moment around Christmas where I was feeling kinda down for a few days. Been getting back into exercise in a big way, kinda neglected it for the last few months because of all the stuff that had been happening went for a 10 mile run/walk today so feeling pretty good right now. I miss talking to her sometimes but my friends have been really awesome so it's fine. Gotta love it when they bulldoze your heart and waltz right back in, like 'what's up, yo?? Let's chillll.' Like, no. Go away and don't come back. You had your chance and you blew it. Pretty much... I'm kind of baffled that she thinks I would chase her after she broke things off. 1
dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Pretty much... I'm kind of baffled that she thinks I would chase her after she broke things off. Well, it's definitely not uncommon. I wish I knew this when going through my first major heartbreak in college. My ex texted me like 'you know, you don't have to be a stranger' and acted like he wanted to be friends, only to pull the fade on me in the end and finally say, 'I don't care if we're friends or not!' Talk about a smack in the face and so contradictory. Lesson learned. When an ex throws you a line, they're just trying to keep you hooked, without the commitment and consideration on their end. I mean, I'm sure it's not the case with all exes, but I've read it so many times on these boards. The ex throws a line, like 'Let's be friends' 'Let's chat' or whatever and then they fade in and out, and the dumpee is like, what is going on here and the torture process starts all over, because the ex doesn't really want to be friends, because if they did, they wouldn't fade in and out and cause confusion. I think it's them slowly letting go. Like they can't fully let go, so they gotta drag you down with them during the process. 1
dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 If you've made it through Christmas and New Year's, you can do anything. There seriously can't be a more challenging feat than not breaking nc on those very two occasions. The fact that you made it through that rough time period means you got this. It's unfortunate though that you have to deal with a stale bunch of crumbs. Let her crunch on those. 2
ralfgarnett Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 7 months is nothing its just kids stuff and just a drop in the ocean, forget it and do something else with your time. 1
Author Halcyon Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 Back to radio silence it is then. I've dumped people in the past and never reached out to them again. In fact to be honest this is the first time any of my exes has reached out to me after a breakup. It's bizarre she is so adamant about being friends but I doubt she is sincere about that, not that I want to be friends to begin with.
Author Halcyon Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 She just contacted me again to tell me she had shared a video I had sent her prior to BU of me playing with my pets to a friend who thought it was funny.... Sigh.
EgoJoe Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Call her out. Message her back. "When you ended things you ended our interactions completely. It's called moving on. It's hard but you'll get there eventually. I did." Brace for fall out. Post here.
Light Breeze Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Dude, breadcrumbs galore! Hope you ignored her.
Author Halcyon Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 I'm not going to reply she didn't even ask me anything of any importance. She is just stating that she shared something of mine for her with a friend.. great what does that mean? nothing. It's just frustrating she knows what type of person I am and I respect honesty. If she wants to talk to me about something then stop beating around the bush.
Pastel Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Just continue to ignore her. I mean, even if she did beg you to take her back should you really want her?
bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I'm not going to reply she didn't even ask me anything of any importance. She is just stating that she shared something of mine for her with a friend.. great what does that mean? nothing. It's just frustrating she knows what type of person I am and I respect honesty. If she wants to talk to me about something then stop beating around the bush. You have the right attitude and gives us strength... I am a firm believer of NC now...
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