Broke NC after doing so good..

[blackfield]

Hello everyone, I've been following this website for a while now and reading other posts to help me get through this breakup so this is my first post ever on this website.. here's the story, I've known this girl for years and we started dating last year because we both found out that we were inlove, but it didn't work out.. so we broke up months ago and since then I've been trying to go NC and it's been hard, I broke it like 3 times, the first time was after a week of me replying to her text and the second time was me breaking it and the third time which was yesterday.. here's what happened I was good through out the whole thing for a month and about 10 days and throughout the month she had texted me 5 times and I ignored each and every one of them, 3 days ago she texted me again and I decided to also ignore it but for some reason yesterday I decided to reply to that text and Im so stupid for doing it because I know everytime we talk it doesn't end well, I had written a note before to help me get things off my chest when I wanted to say things to her so I pretended the note to be her and it helped but when I replied to the text she kept asking questions and then I found out that she's been dating some guy and apparently she's really happy with how and want wants things to work out with him, I really thought that would hurt but it didn't, I just felt sad and then I told her about the note and she begged me to see it and I don't understand why but I put my heart and soul into this note and when she read it, she didn't give a sh*t and Im not surprised, I just told her and hour ago that she'll never hear from me again...

 

BTW I was the dumper, I had to dump her because she hurt me way too much and I was doing so good for more than a month with NC but now I feel like complete **** and it feels like I wasted that progress and it was hard for me to do it, I never wanted to leave her but she gave me no choice, I still think about her all the time and today just sucked so bad(we've been talking for two days) and it feels impossible to start over again but I felt different when I talked to her, it's like I got over her a little bit because I wasn't really hurting that much i did however cry, I guess nc helped me get over her a little but I wanna completely get over her and it seems impossible, we of course fought the whole time she never gave a sh*t and I feel like an idiot for replying to her, have I wasted what I've been doing for over a Month? I really wanna get over her but I keep making stupid mistakes like this.. I need help... :/ it's also really hard for me to get over her that easy because she was my first love ever and I loved her deeply with everything I had and I cared about her so much, I was her first love too and she claims that she also cared and stuff but she never showed it... I just want it to be easy for me to get over her..

Edited January 10, 2015 by blackfield

[kenmore]

.. I need help... :/ it's also really hard for me to get over her that easy because she was my first love ever and I loved her deeply with everything I had and I cared about her so much, I was her first love too and she claims that she also cared and stuff but she never showed it... I just want it to be easy for me to get over her..

 

First of all, you can't "waste a month" like you're talking about. NC spent is NC earned. It has its effect...maybe too much.

 

Second, you do need to figure out what you want. Your yo-yo feelings can't work. If you want to end it it's easy now since she has someone else. Just do it.

 

If you have figured out you love her and really want her, then screw the past and do what you can to make it work, but you're at a huge disadvantage now since you basically f**ked up.

 

Third. You say you are each others first loves. Well, those rarely work out and you are learning a valuable life's lesson. Love can hurt! OMG it can hurt!

 

Nobody can tell you how to feel, and only you know how things really are. You must decide if what you're doing is working or if you need to change or move on. I know how hard it is and you do get my sympathy.

 

The easy advice is at your stage of dating, move on and see what other women are like. You may be feeling the feelings of "first love" which is its own thing because there is no comparison. You may find someone who is twice as wonderful next month, or you may find out you were stupid to dump her. Either way, you can't really know until you try someone else.

 

My congrats to you for posting here. You showed real initiative by doing so and I hope you can find some peace soon. Love really can hurt so much!

 

Ken

[blackfield]

First of all, you can't "waste a month" like you're talking about. NC spent is NC earned. It has its effect...maybe too much.

 

Second, you do need to figure out what you want. Your yo-yo feelings can't work. If you want to end it it's easy now since she has someone else. Just do it.

 

If you have figured out you love her and really want her, then screw the past and do what you can to make it work, but you're at a huge disadvantage now since you basically f**ked up.

 

Third. You say you are each others first loves. Well, those rarely work out and you are learning a valuable life's lesson. Love can hurt! OMG it can hurt!

 

Nobody can tell you how to feel, and only you know how things really are. You must decide if what you're doing is working or if you need to change or move on. I know how hard it is and you do get my sympathy.

 

The easy advice is at your stage of dating, move on and see what other women are like. You may be feeling the feelings of "first love" which is its own thing because there is no comparison. You may find someone who is twice as wonderful next month, or you may find out you were stupid to dump her. Either way, you can't really know until you try someone else.

 

My congrats to you for posting here. You showed real initiative by doing so and I hope you can find some peace soon. Love really can hurt so much!

 

Ken

 

thanks for replying.. and no I don't want her back, I wanna move on and forget about her existence, and you're right I should take the chance since she's dating someone else and I guess I have to try my best to forget about her. thank you

[Light Breeze]

Hey OP,

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. It gets better. Stay strong!

 

If you don't mind, may I ask why you dumped her? Just so I can see the whole picture. You don't have to answer though if don't want to.

[blackfield]

Hey OP,

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. It gets better. Stay strong!

 

If you don't mind, may I ask why you dumped her? Just so I can see the whole picture. You don't have to answer though if don't want to.

 

hopefully it'll get better soon, and it's hard to say, she didn't cheat or anything she just done a lot to hurt me and every time she does it she apologizes and ends up making the same mistake again and told myself that enough is enough and then I dumped her. losing your first love ever sucks and hopefully I'll be better soon

[Satu]

No Contact.

 

No direct contact via any medium in either direction. No reading of any messages that get through to you. Delete them unread.

 

No contact in either direction via a third person. Do not accept the messages.

 

No contact via social media. No reading of the exes Facebook or other social media pages or profiles.

 

No contact has to be total no contact.

[candie13]

breaking up with someone is a process. It's really hard to just break up and have no relapse. I have never heard about it - unless you are totally and completely over the ex.

 

So... just be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for contacting her. Accept that you still have feelings and do not deny them.

 

And... remember this moment. How much it hurts. How much you feel of a fool. How you feel the setback. How you hate to be stuck back to he departure point.

 

This is what helped me stick to my NC the second time. I was also doing well, but my ex - just like yours - kept jerking my chain. So I gave it, met him and we started to se eachother again. Only for him to treat me with even more indifference than the first time. It was a fantastic lesson about why it's best to never look back.

 

Don't focus on no contact. Focus on why you don't want to contact her. Why you don't want to be with her. Why it did not work out in the first place. And also focus on how horrible you feel now that you broke NC.

 

It's a fine balancing act, to master your thoughts and stick to your decisions. Now, whining over, you are a strong, smart individual and you can accomplish everything you set your mind to. Start from scratch and be the best of what you can be, this time.

 

cheers

[blackfield]

breaking up with someone is a process. It's really hard to just break up and have no relapse. I have never heard about it - unless you are totally and completely over the ex.

 

So... just be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for contacting her. Accept that you still have feelings and do not deny them.

 

And... remember this moment. How much it hurts. How much you feel of a fool. How you feel the setback. How you hate to be stuck back to he departure point.

 

This is what helped me stick to my NC the second time. I was also doing well, but my ex - just like yours - kept jerking my chain. So I gave it, met him and we started to se eachother again. Only for him to treat me with even more indifference than the first time. It was a fantastic lesson about why it's best to never look back.

 

Don't focus on no contact. Focus on why you don't want to contact her. Why you don't want to be with her. Why it did not work out in the first place. And also focus on how horrible you feel now that you broke NC.

 

It's a fine balancing act, to master your thoughts and stick to your decisions. Now, whining over, you are a strong, smart individual and you can accomplish everything you set your mind to. Start from scratch and be the best of what you can be, this time.

 

cheers

 

thank you, your post made me feel s little better, it's usually the first few days or the first week that are hard but it gets better with time, but it's a sh*tty feeling and hopefully i'll get over it.

[candie13]

after my relapse, I was so gutted, that the first month I was petrified. I was just... gutted with me, with my reaction, with the situation. The second month was horrid. Really bad. It's always the second month or anytime between the 3rd and the 5th week - maybe because I craved contact so badly.

 

But i was in such a bad shape and hurting so much that I actually feared contacting him for fear I might stay in that bad place indefinitely. I would feel that day by day, I would move a mm away from that dark place. It felt like forever, but I felt the progress.

 

basically, fear of relapse it's what helped me stay on track.

[blackfield]

after my relapse, I was so gutted, that the first month I was petrified. I was just... gutted with me, with my reaction, with the situation. The second month was horrid. Really bad. It's always the second month or anytime between the 3rd and the 5th week - maybe because I craved contact so badly.

 

But i was in such a bad shape and hurting so much that I actually feared contacting him for fear I might stay in that bad place indefinitely. I would feel that day by day, I would move a mm away from that dark place. It felt like forever, but I felt the progress.

 

basically, fear of relapse it's what helped me stay on track.

 

I've been through NC three times and it's always the first week that is so difficult but after that I feel better and I don't feel the need to contact her, I guess how much she hurt me made a difference and what made me contact her is that she always played with me and kept on contacting me so many times and I ended up replying and I wish I hadn't and it's weird because she's with someone else and still tried to contact me.. but I always thought about her everyday and I have no idea why I thought after what she did I'd just forget about her easily but that wasn't the case and I'll feel better soon hopefully