What caused this break up?

[Sanddollar]

1) We dated for 4 months, got to know each other over the course of a year

2) We're teens

3) His reason for dumping me was that he just wasn't ready for a relationship, but he said that we could still be friends

4) He seemed VERY INTO ME until one week prior to the break up, when he was a little less physically affectionate and didn't see me quite as often (but that could be because of parental intervention--see 9).

5) Up until MINUTES before the break up he texted me ALL throughout the day (as he always did after we started dating) asking about my opinions, interests, what I was up to, giving me updates about his life, saying good night, etc.

6) I was recovering from surgery... so maybe he just texted all the time because he felt bad for me? We discussed many other things beyond how I was recovering though

7) He bought me flowers about a week before the break up due to my injury

8) He always kept up with doing me little favors/being a gentleman

9) One of his parents (who he is VERY close to/who he allows to control nearly his ENTIRE life) made it clear they did not like him dating. They wouldn't allow us to be completely alone together.

10) He is very passive and aims to please his parents first and foremost

11) I was his first gf. As far as I know he hasn't dated in the months since.

12) I said I couldn't be friends for a while because I didn't trust him. He sent the last text saying he was sorry, and neither one of us has initiated contact since.

13) After, he didn't help me with my injury, but acted like a polite stranger up until last month. Now, he acts like I don't exist.

14) I've actively avoided him, making sure he was uninvited from a gathering of mutual friends.

 

Why do you think he broke up with me? Did he lose attraction? Did his parent make him? Was he truly just not ready? Please be honest. Thank you!

Edited January 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Clean up after merge ~T

[Poppyolive]

There could be many reasons. First, you are both young. Boys and girls, relationships, lovers come and go. An age for experimenting & discovery.

Maybe there is someone else, maybe he no longer felt romantic feelings for you, maybe his parents were an influence in his decision. I'm sure time will tell.

 

This will pass, you will be wiser in future connections. Leave him be & take care of you.

[Ieris]

I don't know if he broke up with you due to his parents disapproval but do you know why his parents don't like you? If they are a big influence in his life then I'm sure it was easy for them to sway his decision...

[Sanddollar]

^They essentially control his life. And I think they just didn't want him to grow up. When they thought we were just friends, they were fine, but as soon as I was introduced as his gf...ice cold.

[Ieris]

When I was in my teens my parents didn't want me to have a boyfriend as they wanted me to focus on my studies. That's understandable, they want the best for me.. So maybe they're just doing the same thing, don't take it personal.. x

[d0nnivain]

You had a long run for teens. He probably just got scared. You can't do anything about that except accept it. Sorry.

 

 

I hope your injury is better.

[Diezel]

Facts:

2) We're teens

 

There's your reason.

[Holmes85]

Sanddollar,

 

Allow me to translate / answer

 

 

1) We dated for 4 months, knew each other for almost a year

The first 2-3 months must have been fantastic, it was the honeymoon stage of the relationship, come the 3rd-4th month, his feeling took flight to somewhere else.

 

2) We're teens

As stated above, this is one the biggest reasons. Most teenagers (not all) don't know what they want.

 

3) His reason for dumping me was that he just wasn't ready for a relationship

He is ready for a relationship, just not with you.

 

4) He seemed VERY INTO ME until one week prior to the break up, when he was a little less physically affectionate and didn't see me as often (but that could be because of parental intervention--see 9)

Or he was pursuing another romantic interest during this time period.

 

Up until MINUTES before the break up he texted me ALL throughout the day asking about my opinions, interests, life, saying good night, etc.

Feels a tiny bit of guilty, starts acting like friends, nothing big happened between you two.

 

I was recovering from an injury... so maybe he just texted all the time because he felt bad for me?

Yes ...and guilt.

 

He bought me flowers about a week before the break up due to my injury

Being nice.

 

8) He always did me other little favors

I'm sure you did too.

 

9)One of his parents (who he was VERY close to) was very controlling and made it clear they did not like me

This parent is saving you all the trouble and the future hassle (if you are thinking of getting him back and going to spend months trying to get him back).

 

If you want my honest opinion, here it is.

 

1. Don't get into relationships for a while, might be tempting seeing a new boy or seeing your friends get into relationships, don't. You would be saving yourself lots of emotional damage at this point.

 

2. Concentrate on school and think about your future career (not your future boyfriend), keep achieving good grades, while in the process, make sure what you want in life.

 

3. Study hard / work hard, know what you want in life, it's very attractive to see a girl who knows what she wants and has her life together.

 

4. If you do all of the first 3 points and starting making advances towards a better career / workplace, you would eventually start meeting quality people who would make you wonder what you were you doing dating this one in the first place and also thank yourself not getting into relationships this early (unlike other girls, whom I am 99% sure won't last long on any of there relationships and in the end you would come off smelling off like roses since you didn't do the same mistakes they did).

[Sanddollar]

Feels a tiny bit of guilty, starts acting like friends, nothing big happened between you two.

 

Well, no, this all-day texting pattern only occurred AFTER we started dating; it wasn't like he only texted to ask how my recovery was going or just started being that communicative in the last week. Also, he basically allows the parent to control his ENTIRE life, including how he spends his time/where he goes. He said that we can still be friends and has treated me like a gentleman since the break up.

[Sanddollar]

He always treated me like a gentleman while we were dating, too.

[Sanddollar]

If you want my honest opinion, here it is.

 

^does the additional info I posted affect your (or anyone else's) opinion?

[Sanddollar]

Bump! Anymore thoughts? Thank you!!!

[stillafool]

First we would have to know why you think his parent doesn't like you.

 

In my experience usually when a parent doesn't like a young persons love interest that just makes the young person like that love interest more. I really don't see (especially a boy) dropping a girl because his parents don't like her unless you did something really disrespectful.

 

I think he is telling you the truth that he isn't ready for a relationship because um he is too young to settle down into a relationship. The fact that he still wants to remain friends tells me his parents have nothing to do with it or you wouldn't be considered for a friend.

[amaysngrace]

His parents probably made him dump you but the point is you're not worth the aggravation of fighting with his parents over.

 

So that's his and only his choice.

 

And as a parent I have to have a reason why I don't like somebody my kids are seeing. If I don't know them well enough I go by what my kids tell me about the person or by checking their social networks and texts and stuff.

 

They may have seen something that makes them not like you or it could have been something he's told them about you.

 

But the bottom line is he's listening to them and not defending you.

[Sanddollar]

^stillafool, I think they just didn't want him to grow up(i.e., have a gf). When they thought we were just friends, they were fine, but as soon as I was introduced as his gf...ice cold. They also probably didn't like the fact that our dates cut into their "family time."

[Light Breeze]

Sanddollar, how old are you by the way?

[Sanddollar]

^A teenager

[d0nnivain]

I hope you are feeling better after your injury.

 

While his parent's dislike of you may have been a factor, as a teenage boy who told you he's not ready for a relationship that may very well be the reason.

 

Sadly, why he ended it isn't as important as the fact that he did. You have to respect that boundary & move on with your life, without him.

[Halcyon]

Sand I understand you are young but this kind of obsessing over why he broke up with you is not healthy for you emotionally. Ultimately it won't bring you closure knowing the reason because most of the time people don't tell you the real reason.

 

What brings closure is accepting that it didn't work out and you are not together any more. The reason really does not matter. I'm being honest this gets easier as you get older but this is just torturing yourself over details that don't really matter.

 

Be kind to yourself and don't let this be a reflection of your self worth. I hope you feel better soon.

[Ieris]

Don't waste too much time dwelling on the why, it's like trying to solve a puzzle which always leads to the same outcome = it's over

 

Only he knows the answer, so no matter how many hours you waste picking and analyzing everything, it would only be a guess at best. So why not use this time wisely and focus on yourself rather than on something you can't fix as the issue does not lie with you.

[EekArat]

1) We dated for 4 months, got to know each other over the course of a year

2) We're teens

3) His reason for dumping me was that he just wasn't ready for a relationship, but he said that we could still be friends

4) He seemed VERY INTO ME until one week prior to the break up, when he was a little less physically affectionate and didn't see me quite as often (but that could be because of parental intervention--see 9).

5) Up until MINUTES before the break up he texted me ALL throughout the day (as he always did after we started dating) asking about my opinions, interests, what I was up to, giving me updates about his life, saying good night, etc.

6) I was recovering from surgery... so maybe he just texted all the time because he felt bad for me? We discussed many other things beyond how I was recovering though

7) He bought me flowers about a week before the break up due to my injury

8) He always kept up with doing me little favors/being a gentleman

9) One of his parents (who he is VERY close to/who he allows to control nearly his ENTIRE life) made it clear they did not like him dating. They wouldn't allow us to be completely alone together.

10) He is very passive and aims to please his parents first and foremost

11) I was his first gf. As far as I know he hasn't dated in the months since.

12) I said I couldn't be friends for a while because I didn't trust him. He sent the last text saying he was sorry, and neither one of us has initiated contact since.

13) After, he didn't help me with my injury, but acted like a polite stranger up until last month. Now, he acts like I don't exist.

14) I've actively avoided him, making sure he was uninvited from a gathering of mutual friends.

 

Why do you think he broke up with me? Did he lose attraction? Did his parent make him? Was he truly just not ready? Please be honest. Thank you!

 

 

"His reason for dumping me was that he just wasn't ready for a relationship, but he said that we could still be friends"

 

This is classic. He's not ready for a relationship with YOU.

 

Telling you you could still be friends is to soften the blow, chances are he won't bother being friends with you either.

[Sanddollar]

"His reason for dumping me was that he just wasn't ready for a relationship, but he said that we could still be friends"

 

This is classic. He's not ready for a relationship with YOU.

 

Telling you you could still be friends is to soften the blow, chances are he won't bother being friends with you either.

 

^Did you read the whole post?