Recent Break Up My Story

[Takingthesteps]

Background

 

My girlfriend was someone that I had met roughly 5 years ago and when we first met although we were just friends it was a very special friendship but the relationship never progressed anywhere as she was travelling with work and didn’t really have a clear career path. Then about a year and a half ago she moved back home and we started hanging out and eventually started dated. She moved in shortly after we started dating and we lived together for about a year and half before she made the decision about a month ago she could no longer be a part of the relationship anymore.

 

Over the course of the relationship I have been battling cancer and this was quite difficult for me and my in ability to open up about it was the main issue in our relationship. Roughly 3 months ago we had a serious talk about it and I did my best to open up but with everything I had going I couldn’t open up I just didn’t know how to really deal with my feelings and let her be a part of everything I felt like I had to protect her from it even though everything she wanted was for me to open up. Then about a month before the relationship ended we had another conversation which resulted in her moving home to her parents for a week before deciding to move back in we both agreed to start a new chapter and things would be different. Over the course of the last month of our relationship I started to open up but then my uncle was diagnosed with cancer, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I was given poor news regarding my health situation and my father had a heart attack. So needless to say it was a poor month and I just couldn’t deal with everything I had going on and it forced her to the point where she had to move on. She said I was emotionally closed off to everything and anyone, and this time when she moved out she took everything that was hers and she meant it.

 

The day she moved out we met up and spoke and I wrote down my real feelings to her and read them to her it was quite emotional and she was crying but she said that she couldn’t do this again as she was just going to get hurt and she would be a fool to think that I could change. She said she still loved me but couldn’t do this anymore.

 

After the break up I still had hope that we would be able to sort things out I started going to see a counsellor at Cancer Care and really opening up and it feels great and is something that I continue to do but I cant help but wish she was there with me through this journey.

 

About a week after the breakup we had been messaging a bit back and forth and we had been playing the games of taking a long time to respond to eachother and then waiting for the other to respond so we decided to meet up at the dog park as I have one of our dogs and she has the other. So we walked around the park and talked about what eachother had been up to over the last week and I told her that I had started seeking help and started going to yoga and she told me how sad this made her feel as she wished we could have done this together and it got emotional, we parted ways at the park crying it was tough but it felt really good to see her.

Before we broke up she had a trip planned to Mexico with her friend, before this trip we were still messaging and the day before she left we decided to talk on the phone as I was working out of town. The first part of the conversation was bad as I was trying to “convince,” her that she was making the wrong decision but I could quickly see that this was just getting her aggravated and she made comments like if you keep doing this I am going to have to cut you off. Over the past few weeks she had told me how much she loves me and cares about me. So when this phone conversation started going in the wrong direction I decided to change direction and talk to her about what I had learned about myself over the past few weeks by opening up and talking to people we talked on the phone for probably an hour and a half and she was asking me question like why I loved her and what my best memories were. I then asked her if this was easy for her and she told me this was one the hardest things she had ever done. We ended the conversation on a positive note and then a couple hours later she messaged me saying, “to answer your question if this is easy for me a bookmark fell out of my book with your handwriting on it and it made me cry,” she then went on to thank me for the conversation as she said it was the most connected she felt in a long and we needed that she said.

The next day she went on her trip to Mexico and while she was travelling down there she was messaging me frequently and I knew how important this trip was to her so I made sure she knew how I excited I was for her to go on this trip and that I wanted her to have a great time. She said thank you and that it meant alot to her for me to want her to enjoy the trip. I know that over the 6 months of our relationship with everything that I had going on I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around and it must have been tough for her. While in Mexico she messaged me once saying I think about you from the moment I get up till the moment I go to bed and she sent me a photo of her in the ocean.

 

When she got home from her trip was decided to get together at my place /our old place and have dinner. She came over and we had some food and we had both gotten eachother Christmas presents before we broke up so we decided to give them to eachother. We had some fun decorating the Christmas tree and exchanged some presents when she opened her presents she started to cry and then made comments like I know it was too soon to come here and I shouldn’t have come. I started talking a bit about the relationship and was very open and honest about how I felt and that I wanted to work on things. She said she cannot do this and doesnt want this she said she doenst want to lead me on and cannot be a part of this. We kept talking and by the end of the conversation she was laying in my arms on the couch and fell asleep for a couple hours together. When she woke up she had to force herself to leave and said I cant do this I need to go. So we hugged and kissed and just before she walked out she gave me her key back to the place and said I love and will forever as she was teary eyed.

 

The emotional roller coaster of messaging was getting to be too much and I needed to start working on myself and give her the space she said she needed but wasn’t taking. As on Christmas she sent me numerous messages and old photos of us from last Christmas. I did not respond to any of these messages and its now been 9 days since I last messaged her. I still care deeply for her and I don’t know what the best approach is to this. She said she wasn’t happy and her trip to Mexico made her realize that she could be happy and she needed to find happiness on her own. Since the breakup she has been living at her parents, gone to Mexico with her best friend and with the holidays and her sister coming home I feel like she hasn’t really had time to be alone and process everything that has transpired. She knows that I am changing as a person but she is a strong person and I think she needs to see this through and see what happens. She is someone that I want back in my life and I don’t want to push her away so I don’t know if not contacting her is only pushing her away further as that was the root of our problems or if this space will give her time to miss what we had and make her want to start a fresh new relationship together.

 

Looking for some advice on how to proceed with things and what your thoughts are.

[EgoJoe]

She is still messaging you. I think if you were to be LC you would be able to generate attraction etc.

 

 

Try to use this space to be objective. Try to discover if there are games and manipulation involved for perspective.

 

 

Treat the scenario as the true end so you can move on better.

[Takingthesteps]

Should I do LC or NC since she was trying to talk to me and I ignored its been 9 days of NC.

[EgoJoe]

Stay NC unless she initiates again. Keep moving forward.