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worth fighting for?

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 30th December 2014, 10:23 AM   #1
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worth fighting for?

Hi all,

First of all thanks for reading! Im looking forward to hear some opinions from you. Im trying to melt my broken heart and wondering if there's still hope for my past relationship. So here goes my love story:

Ive been in a relationship for 11 years. We were both 15 when we started dating, today 26. We've had our ups & downs - it is not all that easy being young and having a serious relationship; so i need to say that we did break up once before. I was 19 and just went to college. A whole new life for me and i started to wonder if I wasn't missing all the fun.. Soon realizing my fun was my boy so after +- 1 month we got back together.

We have been happy most of the time - we love the same music, we have the same interest, we had an awesome time together. But also we both have a very busy life. I have 2 jobs, he has a lot of hobbies and goes out much. I didn't always have energy to go out with him, but never complained about him going out without me.

When we turned 24 we decided to move in together. I still think it was the best decision in my life. I loved waking up to next to him every morning and taking care of him. In september we had our last vacation together. It was great. 10 days of joy & laughter.. So it hit me really hard that one week later he told me, completely out of the blue, that he didn't want to move on with me. He couldn't really give any explanation. He said i was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he still loves me, but that he sometimes is attracted to other girls - which was new for him and confuses him. He didn't think it was good for a relationship that we don't go out together and that we have both our lives. I told him i would give up a lot for him if he wants to spend more time with me, but he replied with 'i like that you have a busy life and i don't want you to give up on things you love'. He wanted me to move out so he could think about what he wants in life.

So I did.. i moved back in with my parents and waited for a few weeks. I was desperate and called him crying almost every day. That of course did not help, but ive never felt so alone.

A few weeks later we really did break up. I went over there mid november to talk about all the stuff we bought together and he cried a lot discussing this, wondering if he was making a mistake. I kinda got my hopes back up and gave him some space but couldn't stop texting him.
One day he was in doubt - the next he was all over me.
I couldn't take it any more so asked him to stop contacting me and i would to the same.

I was strong! a whole week without any text or call but then he sent me a text 'to check if i was doing alright' i thought it was innocent to answer and so i did. I said I was doing ok - we chatted for over an hour and it ended with me crying because he said we always had a problem communicating and that we never tell each other how we feel. (Ive never felt that there was a problem..)
The next day i went over to our apartment to get some stuff. I was really hurt but played it cool. I just took my stuff and said goodbye. He started to cry again, but didn't want to talk about it.. I asked him face to face to not contact me cause it hurts me so much. Yet again 1 week later he has sent me a text every other day.. i can't resist not to answer.. Could it be that he misses me and wants to give us another chance?
I'm too afraid to ask what he wants to accomplish with contacting me again because i don't want to push him.. But i can't believe it's over..

We were really happy together and i still believe we're a perfect match.

Any thoughts are welcome
Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post!
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Old 30th December 2014, 11:25 AM   #2
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Wow, I can truly relate to you for being in a relationship with my ex,my first love, at the age of 15,but we ended things when I was 20. Just as your relationship,we had the same interest, hobbies,etc. So it felt like I was seeing myself in your post a little. We just grew apart. Ok, so the two of you been a relationship together for 11 years,which is a pretty long time.I question his reasoning for him backing out of the idea all of a sudden to live together. It was good that he was being honest about his feelings,but him saying that he is still attracted to females,raises a red flag. To me that sounds like, if you move in with him, the females that he's "attracted to" he won't be able to bring them home. You mentioned to him that you'll ease up on some of the things that causes you to be busy a lot, but he insist on you to continue to live your life. That's good he's not blocking you from living your life,but he sounds like he's getting cold feet to live with you. Living together can be a huge step that he may not be ready for. He could be accustomed to living alone and don't want to mess the relationship up. He still seems emotional about everything, and he checks up on you, maybe he needs some time alone for a little.
★Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.★
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Old 31st December 2014, 5:23 AM   #3
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Thank you for your reply.
Yes, he does need some time alone.. but its been 3 months now, im trying the best i can to not contact him (and its driving me nuts!) and then he texts me every other day.. it makes me confused and gives me hope to get back together.. im just hoping he's not going to make it worse..
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Old 31st December 2014, 6:37 AM   #4
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You are fighting while you're still in a relationship, not when it is

You should really uphold your NC better - his contact causes you pain
and since he made his intentions clear you do not wish to
ccommunicate further.
The dumper will never hurt the way they made you hurt - but on the other hand they have to live without forgiveness, validation, or a new rationalization for what they've done.
That is a special kind of hell. Reserved for those special few.
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