ccbrick Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Long story short, I was 2 months into a break-up - we are older, I'm 50 he's 55. I have been around this block before - did N/C for 27 days then responded to a msg from him on FB. Told him I was OK with the break, it was for the best blah, blah we can be friends per his request. All the time I am so broken. He gave me the classic not you, me break-up excuse - but was out in bars every weekend looking for my replacement but half my age, so clearly that was a lie. It was me, not good enough apparently, though he had told me in the past he would never find anyone as beautiful or cool. We like rock, and are pretty people...not to be arrogant. There aren't a lot in our age group that like heavy metal the way we do. We had stayed friends on FB, mature behavior and all - though it crushed me that he was dating someone 30! So here is my question...appropriate or not, that he messaged my 27 yo daughter on FB PM??? They are not that close, and he asked her to "hang out". I flipped out called him a perv, and our whole family blocked him. He justified it by saying they were friends and he was trying to market his band to her and her friends. I still love and miss him, and I am afraid I have blown it forever. But at the same time I feel justified and never want to speak to him again. So confused! Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 So here is the thing - you're so insane with grief and love and sadness that you can't see straight. We've all been there. For the record if you could see straight you'd block him completely and realize what a d-bag he is for hitting on your daughter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Heck no, you did not overreact at all. That is messed up that he would contact your daughter to hang out. You know better than us as to whether his justification rings true or not. Are they friends? If not, then it's just an excuse and it seems to either really be that he's a perv/loser in that he's going for your daughter or he's trying to get to you, maybe to get a rise out of you, for some reason. Either way, it's immature and ignorant behavior on his part, and that should provide some further motivation to move on, b/c let's get real -- do you really want a guy who is that much of a jerk? I mean, seriously. That disgusts me. I'm in my late twenties and to think of a guy doing that to me at your age, I'd be pissed and disgusted. You deserve more respect than that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 He could has asked you if it was alright to reach out to your daughter to help him market his band to her friends. With all that he had to say to you, he could have easily added that one request. If he wanted to reach out to network, there was no reason to ask her to hang out with him. Blech. You didn't overreact. Block the douchebag. Your whole family blocked him. What sort of reinforcement do you still need? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Your decision making was from an objective standpoint. Your reflections are from an attached standpoint. There is fear involved with losing attachments. Even those that are unhealthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Don't be confused here. What he did was not right and that tells you a lot about him. His old enough to know better. Get him the heck as far away from you and your family as you can. Absolutely no way should you have feelings to get back with him now. Really take a look at this and his actions and please set it for what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Your love for him hasn't brought you a good result. Try disgust instead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 No! You so do did not over-react. That is REALLY crossing so many lines. This man has NO respect for you. None. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ccbrick Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 Thanks everyone for your replies...Just for the record, when I said everyone in my family had blocked him, I meant that everyone INCLUDING ME had blocked him. I guess my confusion comes from the fact that I can't really believe that he suddenly turned into a pervert overnight. The only thing I know for sure about this new girl he was or is seeing is that he has tagged himself as with her at a few music events. There are no lovey pics, no relationship announcement, nothing that confirms there is romance there. It could just be friendship. He has no history of dating much younger women, so I thought maybe my jealousy may have colored the way that I viewed the situation. I have 3 daughters, age range 25-30 and he has 2 age range 28-32. Would a guy just suddenly find that he is attracted to women his daughter's age? As far as his justification, he could have thought that he was friends with my daughter. But the reality is he was much closer friends with my younger daughter. He didn't message her, he chose to message my only single daughter. I thought it would have been fine if he had just said hello, how are you, etc. If he had wanted to market his band, and even invited her to a show, and asked her to bring some friends, I still would have been OK with it. The fact that he asked her to "hang out" really threw me for a loop. She was not comfortable with it, though she was polite in her replies to him. She unfriended him at that point, because she wasn't home, and couldn't figure out how to block from her phone. After I called him out, he messaged her again, and said "Sorry I said hi, I got in trouble, won't happen again." Then he RE friend-requested her. My biggest fear here is that I mis-judged him, and have blown my chances of ever working it out with him, if that's what I want to do down the road. I still don't even know if I want to, but I still love him and miss him, and would have liked that option to be open. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Stop doubting yourself. He dumped you. You went NC. He sent a message that is, in all likelihood, inappropriate and perhaps sleazy to your very own daughter. His follow up message to her was also quite stupid and disrespectful. It's over. Your family has blocked him, and you have too. You will lose respect from your family if you try and crawl back to him now. Go back to NC...permanently. You need to get over this guy now, and find happiness elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Move on as he has moved on with a 30 year old instead of you. So that should tell you something he wants younger women. This guy is not for you block FB from him and go on with your life. If you see him on the street don't speak follow the NC rules. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ccbrick Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 I do need to move on, and am trying to do just that. I have had no contact with him at all since I told him he's a pervert. During this fight on FB PM is when I had blocked him from FB. He evidently had more to say, cause then he started texting. He said that I am stupid, and idiot, and a fool for believing this of him. He also threw out there that I think every guy wants to get in my pants, but I'm "not all that." I installed an app on my phone that blocks him from calling or texting. The initial break-up was devastating enough, but after about two days in bed I got up, starting eating healthy working out, spending time with friends etc. In two months, I had lost 20 lbs, in a healthy way this time - not from being so heartbroken I couldn't eat, like has happened to me in the past. This new drama happened about a week before Christmas, and I just feel so set back. I guess I may have been still harboring some false hope, and now I have to accept that I can't allow him back in my life, now or ever. It hurts so much and the holidays have made it worse. Trying to do my shopping, and remembering us shopping together last year. Buying a new ornament for our tree, and having him say that we will buy a new one every year, that is just for us. Uggh! I love seeing live music so much, and I have completely boycotted seeing anything that he is on the bill for. He is in 5 bands so that doesn't leave much open. I have gone to a couple of shows though, and I am dreading the day when I will run into him at one of the shows he isn't actually playing. It is inevitable that this will happen, unless I quit doing something I love. Not fair. I wish I could hate him, it would be so much easier. I know that time will help, but time just seems to crawl by when you are so hurt and unhappy. I have been invited to a house party for New Year's Eve, at some mutual friend's. He has not been invited. I hope it is a good time. The pathetic part of me knows he will see me in party photos on our friend's FB, and hopes that he will notice the weight loss, and wonder why he is such a douche-bag. I can't wait until I can get to the point where I don't care what he thinks, does, or anything else... Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 As a guy.... If I was the father of your daughter, I would want to break his skull for contacting her. What he did is beyond uncool, and truly shows you what a slime bag this guy is. You really want to get in this guy's head? If he ever contacts you again, laugh at him and tell him your daughter and her friends have been laughing for days at his move to "hang out". The fact that he contacted a 28 year old, who happens to be your daughter, tells me he has an insecurity issue with himself. Take his knees out by laughing at him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ccbrick Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 Thanks FL! That made me laugh...just so mind-blowing that he did this, because he is a father to girls the same age-range! If one of his 55yo "friends" had messaged this to one of his girls he would have gone ballistic! SMH...I think that he is insecure, in spite of his "rock-star" public persona. Makes me feel better to know that, actually. I am still a younger woman, (than him) and his crack about my not being "all that" shows that he is upset by this too. It has actually turned the tables a bit, because yes he left - but I cut him off completely. You can't fire me, I QUIT ! LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 He's trying to get into her pants. He came up with an excuse. Perv yeah, bleh.. Link to post Share on other sites
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