When I will get over this?

[marimari]

I was in a relationship for three years, and we broke up last year in this time. He broke up with me, over the phone, cause he thought that we are different. I followed all the break up rules, no contact, exercised, I enjoyed time with my friends, took a language course, but sometimes it hurts like hell. My friends tell me that a year is a long period and that I should find somebody else. There were some guys interested, but I didn't want to have a rebound and hurt somebody, and I thought I wasn't ready for anything. I wasn't even ready to kiss someone. But sometimes I think that I will not get over this. He hurt me so bad, when he broke up with me, I told him that I don't want any contact, and a week after, it was his birthday and I just couldn't wish him a happy birthday. I was crying all the time, and I thought if I wish him a happy birthday, we will stay in touch and I will suffer more. A month later, I went to the club where we used to go out, and he was with another girl, kissing her, and he didn't even want to say hi. That still hurts me the most, cause he made me feel like crap.

[Rainbowlove]

That's really cold and insensitive on his part. Sounds like he was rubbing it in your face.

 

I know it hurts a ton, but don't waste anymore time on this guy. Clearly he's not worth it.

 

You'll find someone when you least expect it. That's how it works.

 

Just know you weren't meant to be with this guy bc someone better is coming your way eventually.

 

Stay away from any place he might frequent. Don't give him that satisfaction again.

 

Best to you,

 

RL

[marimari]

Thank you very much

[Ieris]

I agree with Rainbowlove, he just wasn't the guy for you, someone better is coming your way. So stop looking backwards at that trash and keep your eyes forward! x

[marimari]

I know, thank you, I am trying in every way to look forward and when I think about him, it pisses me off and I wonder when will I get over it.

[dyna85]

There is no set time frame for when you will heal from this, but just know that it is absolutely normal to still be affected 1 year post-breakup. The fact that he was kissing another girl in your presence shortly after the breakup speaks poorly of his character and consideration for your feelings. Screw him. You deserve way better and you will find someone better. Give it time. Trust me. Keep your chin up, girl. Took me 2+ yrs to get over a guy I had been with for about 1.5 yrs. You will one day reflect on how much better off you are without him. I know it doesn't seem possible when you're going through the grieving process, but you will one day experience it. Every day is a step closer to that point. Keep the faith. Time is on your side.

[EgoJoe]

You must make the decision to let go. Decide you want to. Journal.

[marimari]

Time is on my side! I'll keep my chin up. EgoJoe, if you think about writing a journal, I did it also, I wrote my feelings, and I wrote a letter to say goodbye to him.

[Lianalady]

Hey, I feel your pain. My partner started living with someone within a week and he had refused for ages to live with me permanently. I can't even imagine being with someone else but he seems happy and settled already. God only knows when I can start to feel better as we live in a very small town and I'm terrified of seeing them. I think you did the right thing and have been brave.

[Elle1975]

One day you will wake up, and you will feel better. You'll feel like dating. You'll feel good. It may seem like a generic comment, but really it isn't. At least not for me. It's always been that way. It's like a switch, sort of.

 

A friend of mine told me once "the best way to forget a man is under another one". Pretty blunt advice, I know, but true Of course I'm not saying start slutting yourself around. Just be open to the possibilities out there.

 

As for seeing your ex, don't forget there is how you feel, and there is what you decide to show him. Feel like crap inside? Have a great time at the club!

[marimari]

Hey, I feel your pain. My partner started living with someone within a week and he had refused for ages to live with me permanently. I can't even imagine being with someone else but he seems happy and settled already. God only knows when I can start to feel better as we live in a very small town and I'm terrified of seeing them. I think you did the right thing and have been brave.

 

Thank you. And your ex partner is just a wrong person. And believe me, karma is a bitch. In my case, the girl in the club who was his girlfriend dumped him for his best friend. You will start feeling better, now you must give yourself priority. I know how it feels, but don't show him that you are terrified.

[marimari]

One day you will wake up, and you will feel better. You'll feel like dating. You'll feel good. It may seem like a generic comment, but really it isn't. At least not for me. It's always been that way. It's like a switch, sort of.

 

A friend of mine told me once "the best way to forget a man is under another one". Pretty blunt advice, I know, but true Of course I'm not saying start slutting yourself around. Just be open to the possibilities out there.

 

As for seeing your ex, don't forget there is how you feel, and there is what you decide to show him. Feel like crap inside? Have a great time at the club!

 

Thank you, I'll try to give myself another chance, I'll try to be more open and confident.

[coolheadal]

Sad story, but you have a lot to learn and you now see what happens. Your Ex is not crying over you, he's moved on. You need to do the same thing. Don't expect much for your Ex either. What you two had is over and for a reason. No one can change you or him. He has his ways and you have yours. What hurts is knowing you won't be near him or see him ever again the way you had remembered. Those days are now history. Think of the NOW! This moment, think positive and someone you really like will make your day!

[Zzyxx]

I think sometimes it just takes as long as it's going to take, similar to a switch, but maybe less abrupt. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a specific timeline, and as one of my friends who has her MFT explained, grieving isn't a linear process.

 

I know exactly how you feel though, and I also get really annoyed at not being over my ex by now. We were together for about 2.5 years and lived together for one, and it's been five months since she dumped me and I'm still not over her. I still cry and get really upset when I have to see her, and like you I'm NC and doing all the stuff I'm supposed to do, but don't really feel any better. So just know that you're not alone, and a lot of us are going through this. Sorry I don't have a better answer to your question though. Just keep on keeping on!

[erklat]

and I wrote a letter to say goodbye to him.

 

I hope you sent it to the paper bin?

[ballycastle]

How does everyone seem so convinced we will all meet someone else?

 

I really struggle with this sentiment.

 

We can't see into the future. If we could we would have been able to see the ones we loved would have abandoned us.

 

How do you know that we all actually might be alone forever?

[dumbass2]

How does everyone seem so convinced we will all meet someone else?

 

I really struggle with this sentiment.

 

We can't see into the future. If we could we would have been able to see the ones we loved would have abandoned us.

 

How do you know that we all actually might be alone forever?

 

A lot people can't and aren't willing to let go of something that is no longer there and cling to the past. It is not an easy thing to do, but it can be done. Took me longer than i thought. I can let go of things in business and outside of a romantic relationship, but for whatever reason, romantic relationships are hard to let go of when you were the one in love. Once you can though, anything is possible and quite possibly finding someone that is even a better fit then you thought your ex was.

[Ganz7]

I remember an old flame went off and was kissing a guy in full view of myself whilst I was still dating her. It wasn't nice and I hated it. I always vowed myself that I would never end up with someone who would do that to me again.

 

Well, if it makes you feel any better (which it probably won't) my recent ex dumped me nearly 12 weeks ago after nearly 11 years living together!! Found out on Christmas day she is getting married to the guy she was cheating with whilst still living with me.

 

For boxing day all I wanted to do was sleep I was that depressed. But you know what I forced myself to go out and visit my aunty and found my cousin was also there and we had a good old chinwag with good food and wine till midnight. I was happy to see them.

 

Yes, today it hit me again but I reminded myself what good family and friends I have. That I should feel blessed about having such great people who really care about you. It lifted me. I wasn't thinking so much about my own emotions and certainly not about her.

 

It is going to be hard and I'm not going to kid myself that I'm sorted. It will be the same for yourself. I know that there are darker days ahead as it was a long relationship but I am expecting those dark days. Bring them on because I'll be ready for the fight. It won't be such a surprise if you know the lows are coming.

 

For the first 4 - weeks I was looking at ways getting over the heartache but now it seems to have shifted to how to rebuild my life. This is a chance to change your life in a way unimaginable. Imagine that eh?

 

If it's any consolation.. I have lived long enough to know that karma is true

[Zzyxx]

How does everyone seem so convinced we will all meet someone else?

 

I really struggle with this sentiment.

 

We can't see into the future. If we could we would have been able to see the ones we loved would have abandoned us.

 

How do you know that we all actually might be alone forever?

 

I actually don't think this conventional sentiment is true. I think that it's totally possible to be an amazing person, and have the potential to be an awesome significant other, but sometimes fate doesn't work out that way and some people are fated to being alone. What keeps it going for me, since I can only speak for myself, is the fact that I and others have been completely happy being single and on our own, and I would be now if it weren't for the fact I'm still mourning my ex. I don't have the desire to be in another relationship, just to be over her, and I think that's maybe the overall goal. Have such a rich life filled with friends, or hobbies, or whatever makes you happy that you don't care if you never find another SO.

 

I do think how old you are and where you are in life can highly impact this though. As I'm in my late twenties, all of my close friends are either married or in serious relationships or having kids. I'm pretty much the only one in my social circle that is still single, not that I care, but it just makes it harder to find other awesome people to bond with over similar priorities. Nevertheless, even if you decide you love rock climbing and make it a goal to rock climb in 3 different countries and that's what makes you happy, and maybe you adopt a pet and you don't care that you're single, I think is what one should work towards.

Edited December 28, 2014 by Zzyxx
grammar

[hoping2heal]

Don't let others tell you what you should be feeling. That will make you feel so much worse - and like you're doing something wrong just because you haven't moved on by A date. At least you were wise and caring enough not to jump into a rebound and hurt some innocent person - many people will just latch onto someone else for comfort.

[marimari]

I think sometimes it just takes as long as it's going to take, similar to a switch, but maybe less abrupt. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a specific timeline, and as one of my friends who has her MFT explained, grieving isn't a linear process.

 

I know exactly how you feel though, and I also get really annoyed at not being over my ex by now. We were together for about 2.5 years and lived together for one, and it's been five months since she dumped me and I'm still not over her. I still cry and get really upset when I have to see her, and like you I'm NC and doing all the stuff I'm supposed to do, but don't really feel any better. So just know that you're not alone, and a lot of us are going through this. Sorry I don't have a better answer to your question though. Just keep on keeping on!

 

It will get better, I don't know when, but it will. Just vent yourself, cry, and move like a shark

[marimari]

I hope you sent it to the paper bin?

 

Yes, of course, I didn't break the nc rule

 

Ballycastle, I know what you mean, I now think that I will be forever alone

We should focus on other things in life, and somebody will appear in our life when we least expect, but we also need do to some effort about it. I am waiting for the moment when I won't be thinking "Omg is there anybody for me", cause it is exhausting.

 

Ganz7, I am so sorry to hear about that, 11 years is not a joke. You are strong, and you will get over this. Hang out with your friends and family. And most important, you have a positive attitude about yourself, and rebuilding your life. This is your chance.

 

hoping2heal, I understand your words