Did she have BPD? Is it her or me needing therapy?

[Parisian]

Me and my gf, together for 4 years broke up two weeks back over the silliest of fights I can ever imagine. I expressed my concern when she was alone at 8 p.m in a cafeteria for coffee. She accused me of controlling and blocked me on her phone and all social media.

 

I am confused, as I had been for all these years. Either she had a mental issue or it was me. On further looking over the internet, I came across BPD and found that I may have been the caregiver in a BPD relationship. But no matter how much I convince myself I cant believe that I dated a girl with BPD for years.

 

I am listing some things I observed in our relationship. Can someone please tell me if you guys thing she does have BPD or not. It will at least give me some closure and help me to inform her or her parents to take her for treatment.

 

1. She said she liked me over facebook within the first 3 weeks. We hadnt even met.

 

2. Told me she had 3 bfs before and who never treated her well. She had lost all hopes of finding true love till she found me

 

3. Always talked about our relationship issues over sms, never on phone calls or in person. Whenever we met and I wanted to discuss them face to face, she said I was spoiling the romantic mood.

 

4. I was never able to plan out any event together because she would either cancel at the last moment or something something else from her side. Whatever we would do, would be at the spur of the moment.

 

5. At times, she would make me keep waiting at the meeting point without telling me she wont be coming. Used this as a revenge whenever I (unintentionally) hurt her feelings.

 

6. Always pushed me away saying her parents are never ok for an inter-racial relationship or marriage. Then would pull me back.

 

7. Would ask me to break up and when I would say lets do it, she would accuse me of not loving her. I always had to convince her somehow that I loved her.

 

8. Her work place was on the way from mine. So I would typically do the way with her to her home in the metro most of the time. If ever I am late or I would wish to stay late at work, she would say my work is more important than her and that I dont love her.

 

9. Lost my money due to cancellations of air tickets to my home country because of her. I wanted to go and convince my parents of the possibility of me getting married to her. But she was anxious that my parents would convince me otherwise.

 

10. The though of me visiting her father to ask him for her hand always freaked her out. She expressed she had fears he would reject me. She comes from a very conservative family where the acceptance of the father is a must.

 

11. Used to complaint of physical ailments very often.

 

12. Towards the end I even joked with her that I will have to keep a calender with her possible dates of PMS, so I can be more careful when not to trip her or make her angry.

 

13. Highly emotional and sensitive. I had to very careful with what I say. Towards the end I started realizing that I wasn't being true to myself.

 

14. She didn't have any social life or friends that I know of. She never went out with any of her colleagues except with her family to visit relatives.

 

15. She said her parents never gave her the feeling of being independent even though she was 28 yrs of age.

 

16. Whenever she was angry or upset from me, she would be over sensitive to my touch.

 

17. She was in good terms with her mom , however said that her mom loved her brother more, had occasional fights with her. Once she told me that she and her dad were having a good time talking and that her tried to crew up the situation for my gf.

 

18. Her mom would typically tell her that my gfs relationship with me will not go on well, just like all relationships before this.

 

19. Most of the time it was me trying to pull her back with the home of making the relationship better. But once back no matter how hard I try to talk to her about our problems and how we can make them better, she would just avoid the conversation. Then back to the same fights and push-pull.

 

20. I caught her red handed cheating (emotional cheating through sms) when I was on a visit to surprise her in Italy. When confronting her with the question, is there anyone else, she replies ¨which one ?? There are many¨, and left the room. She didn't even feel the pain I was going through. I broke off with her immediately. But then I needed answers and asked her. Those were really sad days. In the end she said she loved me like no one else and what she had was just flirting with this guy over messaging. I forgive her and say we can work things out, and then she starts pushing me again.

 

21. I lost my friends and social life in going after her and making all my efforts to win her trust, to show her that I loved her and to pull her whenever she pushed me.

Edited December 17, 2014 by Parisian

[Satu]

Do you mean Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Parisian]

Do you mean Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder?

 

Borderline Personality Disorder

[Satu]

I'm a mental health professional with lots of experience, and I have to say that there is absolutely nothing in your post that indicates Borderline Personality Disorder.

[SoThatHappened]

I agree with Satu.

 

From my novice experience it doesn't sound like BPD.

 

Sounds like some immaturity, fear about the interracial relationship, a little anti-social, narcissism, and good 'ol fashioned getting sick of the relationship.

[Parisian]

I'm a mental health professional with lots of experience, and I have to say that there is absolutely nothing in your post that indicates Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

Thanks Satu. ABout the push-pull tendencies?? They used to average atleast 3-4 cycles every month for almost 2.5 years..

[Satu]

Thanks Satu. ABout the push-pull tendencies?? They used to average atleast 3-4 cycles every month for almost 2.5 years..

 

Doesn't fulfill the diagnostic criteria.

[Kevin_D]

I'm a mental health professional with lots of experience, and I have to say that there is absolutely nothing in your post that indicates Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

I agree. It doesn't sound like BPD at all. This girl sounds more like a regular, selfish bitch.

 

I am confused, as I had been for all these years.

 

BPD almost always follow the same pattern. And it's one scary ride. The idealization, mirroring, devaluation, gaslighting and finally splitting... It's a nightmare which most certainly would turn the dumpee insane and make him believe that it actually was his fault that he lost his soulmate.