The great chase.

[09301991]

Now before we start, this is simply to see how everyone else would've handled this situation. I feel that in the end, I made the right choice. But please feel free to discuss with me. Anyway....

 

Met this amazingly cute 18 year old on Tinder. (Tinder is a matchmaking app for those who don't know.) And we matched up and just kinda hit it off. We talked on that app for a few months, and then finally decided to meet each other in person. We did, and it was cool. I instantly felt a connection with her, and she said she felt the same way. The next day, she invited me over to her friend's place, and we cuddled and watched movies together. Then when I was leaving, we kissed. After that, we hung out a few more times. She came over my house one night, and we got intimate. (Not full blown sex. Just oral) After that, she asked me what we are. I asked her what she wanted to be. She told me that she doesn't think that she is ready for a relationship at the moment. But she really really likes being with me. So I took that as that she wanted to take things a little bit slower. In the end, she called this "hanging out".

 

Now we continued to see each other for a while. I figured we just needed to see how things went. No pressure. And one night, we were talking and she told me that she thinks that I want more than what she could give me right now. And I said, well not right now. I'm not really pushing for anything because I like what we have. And she told me that I could go out with other girls if I wanted, but she isn't going out with any other guys. And I told her, "Well if you decide that you're going to go out with a guy, then just tell me, and we'll just go our separate ways." Basically, my plan was to see how things played out until she found someone else. So at that point, I didn't really take anything that that she did too seriously. Like calling me babe, and kissing and hugging me. All that stuff. At that point, I actually stopped feeling things for her because I figured it was ultimately going nowhere.

 

So I stopped kind of hitting her up to do anything. I didn't really try to even talk to her. I wished her a Happy Halloween and got a response, but that was about it. Here I was, just about ready to just move on and do my own thing, until she gets a new phone, and starts texting me. She texted me everyday, for a few days, and I figured she wanted to hang out. So we did. Afterwards, we went our separate ways and she texted me telling me how much she missed talking to me and seeing me. I was just like, "Um... Alright. Well if you ever wanna hang out, we can." Then that same night, I was still out and didn't feel like going home, so I was gonna go to this spot I like to go to to just think and look at the stars. Well she texted me telling me that she was upset because apparently she pissed some of her friends off and she was just so upset about it. I told her that I was going to my spot and asked if she wanted to come get some fresh air. She said yes, I went and picked her up, and we went. We stayed out until 4 A.M. that night with her cuddling me and joking with me. Really connecting on what felt like a deeper level. I felt that this girl was starting to really feel something. And then my feelings started to come back a little bit.

 

After that, her attitude towards me really changed. All of a sudden, she was texting me almost everyday, asking me how my day was, wanting to hang out more, showing me more affection, y'know.... Acting like a damn girlfriend. And I won't lie, I loved it. That was what I wanted. I really wanted to be with this girl. Eventually, we ended up having sex. I was her first. And everything felt great. She was telling me how much she loved being with me. Spending all this time with me and how awesome I am to be around. Well now comes the worst part.

 

So I found out that she was actually talking to other guys. Like, sexting them apparently. Calling them daddy and all that stuff. So I asked her about it, and she asked me how I felt. And I asked her how she would've felt. She proceeded to tell me that she wouldn't have been happy. But still would've understood since we weren't exclusive. And I told her that even though we weren't exclusive, I thought we were kind of starting to build a relationship. And she told me that she thought she made it clear that she wasn't ready for a committed relationship. And I explained to her that yeah, she was clear. Until she came back telling me how much she missed being with me and talking to me. I told her that I thought she was really starting to feel something for me and that her feelings were getting stronger for me. And she said that they were, but she's confused about a lot of things right now. At that point, she was apologizing and telling me that she never intended to hurt me. She's confused about what she wants in her life right now and what she likes. And she was using these other guys to explore her kinks and find out what she liked and told me that it was nothing serious. I then told her that I just want her to be happy and if that is what she needs to do, then obviously, she's free to do it. And she asked me if we were done and I basically told her yes. I explained to her that I was thinking one thing while she was clearly thinking another thing and asked her why we should continue. All that will do is drive me crazy because she was doing whatever with these other guys.

 

She asked me if we could still be friends if we can't still be what we are now. I told her "I guess." And that I wished things were different. Then she told me that she does too. And I told her that I really did feel something for her. I don't understand why it has to be this way, but if that was what she felt she needed to do, then she should do it. She replied with multiple sad faces, and I told her it was fine, and I hope she finds herself. And she told me goodnight with a kiss.

 

 

TL;DR version:

 

Girl I thought I was apparently dating wants to explore her kinks and find herself and what she likes, so I guess she can't have a committed relationship? So I broke it off. (Skim above for more details)

 

So in the end, what do you guys think? Did I make the right decision? What should I have done differently? What are your thoughts on this whole situation? And here's the big question: Do you think I'll actually be hearing from her again? And if I do, what should be my best course of action with this? So let me know guys. I'm curious about your guys' experience and thoughts with this sort of thing.

[Ronni_W]

Yes...you did the mature, "right" thing for yourself. (It sounds like) You know where you are, who you are and what you want. And you're perfectly fine and comfortable and confident in that. And you're not going to let ANYONE else mess with that, and make you start second-guessing, or giving up on yourself and what you want and deserve, or make compromises for which you will "hate yourself in the morning" (or whenever it's over).

 

I think -- AFTER you took the adult, mature step back that you needed to, it threw her ego for a loop and then she decided to stary playing coy; just looking to see if she could get you wrapped around her little finger. She made sure to have her out -- "Well, I was honest and clear with you, wasn't I?" <blushing and batting eyelids and twirling strands of hair and smiling oh-so coyly>.

 

You didn't fall for her juvenile, insecure crap. IMO, you made the choice/decision that is in your own best interest. I would say, "Congrats and good for you!"

[Satu]

I think that you did the right thing for both of you.

[jackinthebox1]

How old are u man because some parts of this sound real creepy?

 

Shes an 18 yr old on Tinder. You can only ever see that as face value

[09301991]

Oh, I'm 22. Sorry. Yeah, I probably should've seen this coming. But the things she was saying about how she thought she deserved someone who cared about her and loved her for who she was made me think that even though she told me she wasn't ready for a committed relationship, maybe with her "feelings" would make her realize what she wanted. But I guess we learn from things like this.

Edited November 29, 2014 by 09301991

[jackinthebox1]

Yea, i mean its not my business who you date and 22 and 18 is no problem for sure.

But girls that age are not mentally ready to settle down. Enjoy being 22 dude and go play the field. You won't care about this girl in a few weeks once you have more lined up.

[09301991]

Yeah, it is what it is basically. I guess if I do end up hearing from her, I'll just leave it alone. Take everything she says with a grain of salt, and find someone who is ready for something a little bit more serious.