jojojo_92 Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 (edited) Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we've had our ups and downs, our issues but generally (well, to my knowledge), we were happy. Whenever he had a problem with me or when we'd fight, I'd make sure we'd resolve the issue (or so I had thought)... a couple of days ago we had a massive falling out over a trivial thing, which resulted in him completely ignoring me and me resorting to ridiculous methods to get his attention as he wouldn't tell me what was going on. I called a taxi service to his house a couple of times which I know is stupid and he said he would file a police report against me but I felt like it could have been resolved if he just talked to me instead of texting me "we're done. that's it." as we have a couple of shared bills and stuff that we would obviously need to sort out. So I eventually got his attention and he agreed to come out to talk to me, but was cold and rude, he didn't want to listen to anything I had to say and he misconstrued everything I was saying to him and seemingly made up his mind. His family have always had a problem with me and I won't go into detail about that but just know that their hatred for me is completely unjustified and they have always involved themselves in our relationship or he involved them in our private matters. He also mentioned that his family told him to not meet up with me. During this argument which was getting very heated, he was telling me he didn't love me and hadn't for a long time.. which is hard to believe as his birthday just passed and everything was fine. My birthday is in a couple of weeks and he had booked an event and we had a holiday planned early next year. I was getting frantic and I told him I was going to kill myself (not for the attention... at the time I was serious), which distressed him but he eventually just got out of the car and left... LO AND BEHOLD, his sister and his mum picked him up from the side of the road like a child from a daycare. I don't know what to do. I've obviously stopped contacting him but there is still the matter of bills and such as he's paying for the pet insurance of the cat we co-own. I love him and I know deep down he still loves me as he also said "maybe if you left me alone for a while then I'd miss you and come back" - which I would have had he explained to me what was going on rather than texting me! I feel like my best friend has died. I'm afraid that during this period of no contact, his family will poison his mind and his memories of our relationship. Every relationship has its problems but I am sure it would have worked out fine had it not escalated to that level. I was issued with my harassment warning earlier today which was complete bull**** as he was also contacting me (texting me back periodically and returning some of my calls). Will he miss me? Will he forget everything we had? I don't want to romanticize our memories too much but I don't want him to sour them either. All I wanted was to talk like an adult with him and gain closure. I still want to be with him, I just don't understand why he had to dramatize everything and take it to another level. Everything would have been fine if he just spoke to me and told me he needed a bit of space and I'd have some closure with that. & I feel like his family will get into his head, it makes me sick the kind of things they feed him. They encouraged him to ignore me and leave me hanging like that. Any constructive insight is appreciated. Thanks. Edited November 10, 2014 by jojojo_92 Link to post Share on other sites
sfbp Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Hi, I too recently lost an a woman. I wld say he is following advice from someone or he generally was telling the truth. It sucks, I knw. I feel same as you lost depressed anxious. Im sorry for your heartache Link to post Share on other sites
Lamarcus21 Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 He broke up with you. Give him space and apply No contact. This will allow you to keep your emotions in check and make sure you don't say dumb things that will push him further away. It will give him the time to make him miss you. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' . But during this no contact, this is the time for you to heal and move on. If he broke up with you and told his reasons why. He's not giving you the 100% truth. How bad it may sound, he probably found another girl. While in no contact, Make yourself busy, reconnect with your friends and enjoy the hobbies you like to do. Even though it's hard you just have to not contact him and not wait for him to get back with you. Maybe he's just not the guy for you. The only chance of you reconciliating is if you give each other time apart and apply no contact. Do you really think he would get back with you? Knowing that both you guys are still an emotional wreck? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jojojo_92 Posted November 10, 2014 Author Share Posted November 10, 2014 He broke up with you. Give him space and apply No contact. This will allow you to keep your emotions in check and make sure you don't say dumb things that will push him further away. It will give him the time to make him miss you. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' . But during this no contact, this is the time for you to heal and move on. If he broke up with you and told his reasons why. He's not giving you the 100% truth. How bad it may sound, he probably found another girl. While in no contact, Make yourself busy, reconnect with your friends and enjoy the hobbies you like to do. Even though it's hard you just have to not contact him and not wait for him to get back with you. Maybe he's just not the guy for you. The only chance of you reconciliating is if you give each other time apart and apply no contact. Do you really think he would get back with you? Knowing that both you guys are still an emotional wreck? Hi... I know for sure it's not another girl, it's definitely not... I think if anything it's the fact that he chills with his sister and they're quite close and she's newly single too and loving it, so I'm guessing maybe he envies that? Bearing in mind that I am his 1st and only gf... NC is hard at night especially but I think I'm coping well, seeing my friends and all... But I'm still holding out a bit of hope for us... Things got so crazy but I'm hoping he'll miss me... Is it possible to forget the good times we had? He told me it wasn't worth it but then he said if I gave him space he might've missed me and came back... But when I got upset he went back to "I don't wanna be with you".... I'm really heartbroken right now and I hope he comes back but I'm afraid that his family will really get into his head..... Sigh.... I just wish I wasn't the only one hurting here, y'know? Link to post Share on other sites
Lamarcus21 Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 It's really hard to not think about him at the moment. Whenever you remember the good times you had, remember the times you hated his guts and why you guys broke up in the first place. This will allow you to not contact him and give him his space. Also, clinging to the fact that you might have a chance with him is doing you no good. At this time, focus on yourself, enjoy the the things that make you happy, get a hobby and/or reconnect with your friends. The best thing you could do right now is to accept that the relationship is over. The quicker you realise this, the faster you'll move on. Also by doing this No contact, of course he will miss you. The best way to get him back is to heal and move on. Who would want to be in a relationship if both parties are in an emotional wreck? At all cost avoid begging or pleading, This will push him further away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I'm sorry you are hurting. Sounds like he blindsided you and left you reeling. Here's the thing: while he didn't break up with you in the best way (obviously), this relationship was going to end at some point. He is not ready to leave his family of origin behind. Any man who will let his mother and sister "get in his head" about the person he loves is not ready to be a committed partner. Either that, or he simply doesn't love you enough to stand up to them and make you his priority. I'm sorry; I know this is hard to hear. But in the long run I promise you'll be better off. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 It looks like this was along time coming for him but he didn't know how to get out of it since you had all these future plans. Let him go. If you need to get bills / the cat sorted, have a 3rd party contact him. As for the pet insurance I will share what a vet told me: It's bogus. Instead of paying the premium every month to find out it doesn't cover what your pet needs, open a bank account & deposit the money every month. Then you will have cash on hand in an emergency. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jojojo_92 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 Thanks guys. I'm honestly having such a hard time dealing with all of this as I saw him (he didn't see me) and he was hanging out with his sister and they were really happy. I almost feel like the "other woman" was his family... I just can't believe this. He's 25 years old. His family were against our relationship as they saw it as me taking him away from them and stealing their golden boy. I guess if they're all happy he can go marry his family since he doesn't love me anymore. I feel equal parts resentment and love and I'm struggling with my emotions right now... We spoke to sort out financial stuff and he was so formal and cold. I feel like I'm in mourning and I'm grieving and he's having the time of his life without me! It really sucks.:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author jojojo_92 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 HI guys, the original text post with my breakup story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/501144-will-he-miss-me-honest-post-flaws-all-urgent It's been almost 3 weeks since the breakup and I'm having the absolute hardest time ever sticking to no contact... I don't go crazy, I just shoot him a text maybe once every day? No begging, just simple "I miss you" kind of texts. Is this bad? I'm getting really frantic because I haven't heard anything from him and I really want us to get back together. Is it really over or is 3 weeks since the breakup still too soon to tell? Advice/feedback please? Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 It's really over, if it wasn't you would be together. Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 HI guys, the original text post with my breakup story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/501144-will-he-miss-me-honest-post-flaws-all-urgent It's been almost 3 weeks since the breakup and I'm having the absolute hardest time ever sticking to no contact... I don't go crazy, I just shoot him a text maybe once every day? No begging, just simple "I miss you" kind of texts. Is this bad? I'm getting really frantic because I haven't heard anything from him and I really want us to get back together. Is it really over or is 3 weeks since the breakup still too soon to tell? Advice/feedback please? You are not giving either of yoy room to think. Honestly it is very unlikely you will get back together once its broken! If you pester him it brings it down to zero and even more likely he will change his number. Leave him alone work on yourself start saying he will never come back because tbh its the truth. Im a month out of a break up i went NC 4 days later havent heard since yes it hurts but he isnt coming back his not worth my time and tears anymore. Honestly holding on hurts so much more than taking the fall now Link to post Share on other sites
metaversus Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) 6 years, wow. Many of the stories on here are about long term relationships ending. I can't fathom how I'd cope if I were in that situation. My longest relationship was 1 1/2 years and the one I'm getting over now only lasted 4 months! After a certain amount of time you can't even remember how your life was without that person anymore. But what you need to do now, as difficult as it will be, is to start creating new memories which do not include him. Is there anything you have always wanted to do but never tried? Now would be a good time. When my ex² broke up with me I spent about a year obsessing over him, but also during this time I started pursuing a new art and got involved in a soccer league. Because of these activities I made new friends, had more of a social life and found new activities/hobbies I enjoy doing. Like I said my relationship was very short, but I was(am:() hardcore in love with him and let myself get way too attached. There is just no one else like this man on the planet. That I am certain of. So, I've been trying to detach (going into nc Day 12) and it's been excruciating (here's my crazy https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/501392-my-no-contact-diary-update). However, tonight I went on a second date with a very cute guy. We went to a weekly at a club and I had the best time I've had in ages. I feel like I've found a new 'haunt'. I initially was feeling miserable and didn't feel like going, but I went out tonight and formed this amazing new memory without my ex, and now I have something new to look forward to moving forward. I can't say that I won't cyber-stalk my ex in days to come , but tonight was the first time in awhile I haven't felt inclined. Your ex needs to be left alone right now. Like everyone has stated, this is the only chance you will ever have of him coming back. If you'd like you can send him one more message to express your feelings of wanting to work it out and will respect his wishes to have space. Then I highly recommend starting no contact. It's going to be the most difficult thing you've ever done in your entire life, but I promise you this situation is not going to get any better if you keep contacting him. Edited November 25, 2014 by metaversus Link to post Share on other sites
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