saalnu Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I'll start with the story: I had a 4 year RS with my ex gf, things weren't so exciting the last 3 months. I didn't pay that much of attention to her cause I was really busy. She claimed and complained that we should do more stuff together but I didn't have time to meet more than 1 or 2x a week. Lastly, workload became less and I realized that I could go on more dates and chill. But something wasn't that comfortable for me and I broke up with her. That night, not everything was said since we were both crying and shocked. After 10 days of thinking and reviewing, I realized that I'd made a mistake and texted her. She always responded politely and on time. We met for a coffee, she felt she had to express more feelings about the break up, so she told me some things she didn't like about me that came up in these last months. I also mentioned my likes and dislikes about her latter behavior in the relationship. Everything went well that day, made love and we agreed that we'd think about us. The following two weeks we grabbed some coffees and talked every now and then and made love one more time. One day she said that she wasn't sure of coming back but since I did wanted to, I expressed I loved her and that I was now ready to work it out, and wouldn't make the same mistakes again. But she said that she still appreciated me a lot and was important to her but things wouldn't be the same since she didn't feel the same and wasn't in love like before. She said I should try to get on with my life and forget about her. She also mentioned that whenever she feels that she lost me completely, she would regret about her decision. I feel terribly sad and miss her tons. I think a guy is already hitting on her, and she's being receptive. I'd really like to get her back since I love her and believe we had something VERY special, we met 6 years ago and were friends before being a couple. I can't stand the feelings of not speaking or seeing her regularly. I went NC for 3 weeks and then texted her to ask how she was doing, she responded politely and had a 5 minutes conversation. It's been one more week since then. She NEVER texts to me or contacts me whatsoever, and it hurts like hell, since it seems like I don't exist to her.
GirlStillStrong Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 She's gone no contact and it sounds like you should too. But seriously this time. You've both gone no contact and broken it a few times, and have seen that breaking up is best. You KNOW this is true, you're just having difficulty coping with the loss, that's all. You are grieving; it's part of the process. It's okay. Remember you broke up with her? And then she broke up with you? Remember the reasons? Look for ways to cope with the grief of loss. Google it. See a counselor, therapist, etc. Monitor yourself, make sure you are going to work, showering, etc. Notice the good moments you do have. Focus on your positives. Focus on what you WANT, not what you don't want, for you and your life. What brings you joy? Make a list. Keep yourself busy. Just deal with the feelings, acknowledge them, let yourself feel them. Don't numb them with drugs or alcohol. Share them with someone else by just talking about them. Give it time.
GirlStillStrong Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Oh, and it's not that you don't exist to her. She's going through the same thing as you. But you both need to look to your SELVES to get through this. Independently. You can do it!
loversquarrel Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Your title is a bit misleading. She isn't ignoring you, she's answered you when you text or call. What she's doing is not reaching out to you, which is what can be expected when in a breakup. It sucks, but take time to grieve and fill your time with other people in your life. You will get through this.
Author saalnu Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 I broke up because I didn't put enough partnership and I wasn't treating her like she deserved, and because our communication when dealing with monotony wasn't good. I have been taking care of myself, hit the gym, bought new clothes, and lots of pampering. I feel like I am improving as a person and realized about my mistakes, and how I could fix them. I feel like I needed this little "time off" to realize things I could improve and that I appreciate her a lot. I still believe that we could work this out, since we had amazing times before. I would really like to know if there's a possibility for a second chance. The hardest part in coping is at work, where currently the workload is not big and thoughts come up easily, I really miss her.
Itspointless Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I broke up because I didn't put enough partnership and I wasn't treating her like she deserved, and because our communication when dealing with monotony wasn't good. First of all I am sorry that you are hurting. But, why on earth was that a reason to break up for you? Didn't you talk about these things with her? I must be missing that in the story somewhere ... I must ask, are you the kind of person who acts before thinking? I get the feeling you have lost her trust. Sorry man.
stillafool Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I think after no contact for 3 weeks she has found the strength to move on. She probably doesn't think it is a good idea to go back together. Like someone else said when you are broken up what is the point of contact?
Author saalnu Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 First of all I am sorry that you are hurting. But, why on earth was that a reason to break up for you? Didn't you talk about these things with her? I must be missing that in the story somewhere ... I must ask, are you the kind of person who acts before thinking? I get the feeling you have lost her trust. Sorry man. Actually I am not, I always think a lot before acting. I might have thought of it for 3 months since we both lost a bit of enthusiasm. We talked about it but we thought that it would pass since it was a tough time in my life (really busy).
Itspointless Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Actually I am not, I always think a lot before acting. I might have thought of it for 3 months since we both lost a bit of enthusiasm. We talked about it but we thought that it would pass since it was a tough time in my life (really busy). Thank you for your answer. Yes, sometimes we only discover what we have lost when it is gone. As you have talked about it together she perhaps has come to another conclusion. It guess it is best go no contact now and hope she will reach out to you again. Do not wait for it though, you made it clear you miss her. Good luck buddy.
IfiKnewThen Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 out of all the posts i read here on LS with my current situation ...this is the one i truly relate to the most. and i have to tell you i am dying inside. i am really feeling like i am dying. the heartbreak and regret is so bad. i was the one who broke it off. but clearly i really didn't want it and wasn't ready. i just feel excruciating heart pain everyday. my head feels like its gonna burst. i dotn know what to do with myself. there is no more joy and hope. i practically made him call me and he did yesterday after 16 days. and we spent a long time on the phone. this is a LDR and i didnt ask him any question (like a dummy..i regret this too) i just professed love to him to the point of then crossing my personal boundaries. he said he would call back. sounded like he'd call last night and didnt. there ya go. feels like a perpetual knife in my heart. im even humiliated. the opnly thing i got out of him was wehn i told him i was in love with him. he sounded defensive (though i asked him no questions) and he said well i didn't know you were in love with me anymore...you told me you didn't love me its over. (hes right ..i know i know...i did say this b4) but he was saying it like...he made a life for himself or feel for someone or something. and like its not his fault he didnt know. now remember i didn't ask him anything or accuse him of anything. there were little moments tho in the conversation where he sounded jealous. liek in the beginning i said to him "will you help tell me some of the things i did wrong so i can not make those mistakes again in my life" and he replied, "you arent seriously gonna ask me how you can be better for someone else are you?" and then i said no..i want to be better for myself. and i dont want to hurt you ever again. then there was this text i sent him about walking into a mens room by accident (because i have been in such a fog) and he asked me about the men i saw in the bathroom. sheesh then he mumbled something about some female flashing him. i dont even know what that was all about. i think i blocked it out of my mind. i couldnt tell you what he mumbled. but he sounded jealous. but not interested. he didnt say anything bad. he was stoic...cold. and only flirting sexually . and it hurt. hes not like this. and he still hasnt called. im so sick i could throw up.
Itspointless Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 he sounded defensive (though i asked him no questions) and he said well i didn't know you were in love with me anymore...you told me you didn't love me its over. (hes right ..i know i know...i did say this b4) but he was saying it like...he made a life for himself or feel for someone or something. and like its not his fault he didnt know. now remember i didn't ask him anything or accuse him of anything. there were little moments tho in the conversation where he sounded jealous. liek in the beginning i said to him "will you help tell me some of the things i did wrong so i can not make those mistakes again in my life" and he replied, "you arent seriously gonna ask me how you can be better for someone else are you?" and then i said no..i want to be better for myself. and i dont want to hurt you ever again. He loves you but he is (sounds) scared and incredibly hurt, as I would be. Perhaps you should try to write an honest letter to him explaining everything - including your regrets - and leave it to that. I don't know your backstory but it sounds that after this it is up to him if he will try to trust you again.
Author saalnu Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Thank you for your answer. Yes, sometimes we only discover what we have lost when it is gone. As you have talked about it together she perhaps has come to another conclusion. It guess it is best go no contact now and hope she will reach out to you again. Do not wait for it though, you made it clear you miss her. Good luck buddy. I've been thinking that she might have gone NC just to check if I am still in love and it wasn't just a confusion. She might think: "why would he cut me off and then come back and say he has changed? let's give him time and not make it easy for him, and see if he still wants to come back". In that case, going hard NC would be reassuring that I didn't really want to come back. Am I Right?
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