user_name Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Hello everyone, just wanted to share what I'm going through and maybe go on a rant. My ex bf broke up with me 3 months ago and its still been very rough. I just cant seem to stop thinking about him and everything that happened and everything that we've been through. I'm actually really depressed and its affecting my grades. I'm in college and need about a year and a half to finish. We both attend the same university actually. Also, we were together for 1 year and 7 months. He was my first love and my first EVERYTHING. I had never had bf before him so he meant the world to me. Anyway, I recently found out that he was at a club with a girl he used to date, right before me actually. That broke my heart even more actually. I just cant take it anymore. I literally feel like dropping out of school. I cant even concentrate! I hate my life and at times I just wanna die. I don't know if this is something I should snap out my self or I should see a doctor. I just don't know how cope with this. My main problem though is that I don't want to be in school anymore because I cant concentrate and I want to get good grades. But nothing seems to stick if all I think about is my failed relationship but then also, I dont know how to stop thinking about him....
littleblacksubmarine Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) You should definitely see your doctor as soon as possible and they will give you advice on how to deal with your depression. Don't drop out of school, a symptom of depression is a lack of enthusiasm for anything, once your depression subsides your studies will improve. I had depression in my final year at university, I saw my doctor, got better, and finished my degree. It was a tough year, but I got through it, and you can too Edited October 12, 2014 by littleblacksubmarine 3
Author user_name Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 Sigh... I admit I am embarrassed to admit it to my doctor that I'm depressed about this. I feel like he'll just laugh and tell me to get over it like all my friends. But you're right I lost interest in school and I'm not all that excited as I was before. I know I just need to get over the depression phase which I need help in. I already exercise and eat right and stuff, doesn't seem to help. Also sometimes I get the desperate urge to text him and tell him that I miss him. I don't know how to overcome that temptation either... gosh I'm so stupid.
strong-hearted Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 we've all been there sweety, I include myself. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago after being together for 2 years and when we broke up he started dating someone right away, trust me he really broke my heart. I went into this deep depression I stopped going to school I was unemployed and I just felt soo alone and look at me now living n sh*t, I have counseling sessions every week, I got a job I'm going back to school to get my high school diploma (adult ed) and getting back up on my feet, trust me girl this pain that ure feeling will go away and you'll look back and laugh about it I promise you but you gotta heal your heart properly 2
Early Bird Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Hang in there! We've all been there, so you're not alone in feeling that way. Just know that "This too shall pass". After my breakup, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and couldn't focus on music (I compose music for a living) for weeks. Eat healthy, go for a walk or jog on a beautiful day, stay surrounded by friends, and PLEASE do NOT contact him, respond to him, or check his social media. This will put you right back at square one. Think of the person you were before you began a relationship with this guy. You were awesome, I'm sure! That person is STILL you. You're not defined by another individual or your relationship. Focus on yourself, your health, and school. You'll be able to one day look back on all of this and be thankful you didn't give up. You'll also be thankful for how the experience helped shape you into a stronger person. And if things get rough, you have all of our support here! 2
Author user_name Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Thank you everyone, this has actually been very encouraging and I think I'm feeling a little better. I will definitely follow all your advice. You guys have really given me hope that I can get through this. Sometimes when its consuming me I feel like I will NEVER get over it :/ your thoughts meant a lot to me! I want to be the strong one in the end. I wanna say I survived this. And I think I am going to see my doctor, maybe it can help speed the process. 1
Author user_name Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Early Bird, I'm also sorry what you're going through. Just read your thread and you have been inspiring. I will definitely do the NC. Its been 3 weeks since no contact so I hope to keep it up. You have my support too. 1
travelbug1996 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 When you think of him remind yourself of what a loser he is for leading you on while still pining for his xgf. The thoughts should subside shortly. This guy won't matter 5 years from now so don't screw up your grades for him. Trust me you will regret it. 3
Author user_name Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Omg youre right!! I dont want to be that kind of person :S
Stsm5934 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You definately don't want to let your life fall apart because of some guy, but I get that it can be hard. Just do what you can right now to keep yourself afloat, in a month you'll be feeling better. I feel apart during my last break-up and ended up failing some really important exams. I wish I had had a little more perspective, because although I ended up catching myself up, it was a lot harder to have to do things a second time around. What you end up realizing is that the break-up was probably something that is in your favor ultimately because you were investing yourself in something that was worth investing in anymore. 1
littleblacksubmarine Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I cant even concentrate! I hate my life and at times I just wanna die. This strongly indicates depression to me and your doctor will definitely not laugh at you. If you're really concerned about it, don't go into detail about why, just say it was a break up, it's actually one of the most common triggers for depression. Seeking medical help is the first step to feeling better, it's not about antidepressants or therapy (though these may be prescribed if severe enough), it's about being pushed in the right direction. If you are having doubts about it then consider how you feel right now, terrible right? The only way to feel better is to treat your depression, which is a lot easier with professional help. 1
Day.One Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 My girlfriend dumped me while i was in college. I fell apart and drank my way through the rest of the time there. Came away with nothing, including a girlfriend, or passing grades. You're young. It hurts (like hell), but you will move on, you will find a better man, and a better love. Focus all your energy on you, inwardly. Take the pain that you feel and turn it into momentum to move you forward. It's a strong motivator, use it. And in ten years time, drive your Porsche through his trailer park so he can see what he lost! 1
blackcat777 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 The pain is terrible, I'm sorry you feel this way. Others here have inspired me to think about what I can accomplish under that pain, so I'm striving hard to improve myself in many ways. That way, when I look back, not only will my life not have stalled out--I'll have kept going despite the crushing blow, accomplished awesome things, and I can take comfort in knowing that I still pulled it off at my worst. Situational depression is extremely common. If a doctor laughs at you for describing legitimate symptoms of depression, get another doctor... but I sincerely doubt that would happen. Hugs! 1
DirtyHairy Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 (edited) I understand how you feel. I can't really help with moving on because every relationship I've been in and been dumped in I've always taken it incredibly personally and the person always ment everything to me and it is always extremely hard for me to move on so I'm the last person to give you advice on that. What I will say though is that you should go talk to your Dr. I don't like to admit it, and none of my friends even know, but I went to my Dr to ask for anxiety about relationship help. He gave me some medication (only when I need it not daily) and I have been seeing a counsellor. Its very helpful. Don't think its a bad thing or you need to have something seriously wrong with you to go see a counsellor about helping your depression. Don't quit or change schools. I was dumped by a long term girlfriend (first person I loved) a few weeks before university. My grades weren't what I wanted, I was bored and I didn't make mang friends and I didn't enjoy myself. I never wanted to quit tho and you should stick with it. Later in life your going to be glad you finished (even if it wasn't with the grades you wanted) just stick with it even if its really really hard. I know its hard and its crazy hard to move on even if your ex has already done so already (I should know my ex that i mentioned above moved on aka slept with a random guy the day after she left me and I was alone for 8+ months and hated myself and was extremly depressed and should have seeked counselling at that time not a year later). I still think about it and I'm still hurt about constantly being hurt in relationships but I geuss its just the way of life. The thing about breakups that I find the hardest is that when we are in long-term relationships we begin to live our lives together, creating memories and planning for a future life together. When we loose that we actually loose our other half. We feel lost because we had a plan and now we don't. We feel lost in life and like we lost part of our identity. This doesn't mean life ends though, you'll get there eventually just keep pushing forward. We all have good days and bad days, just try to take life day by day. Focus on things in the near future not months or years ahead. That's when we get depressed the most and think to ourselves that we will never find anyone. Stay strong I know it can be the hardest thing you have ever experience but don't give up on school, don't give up on finding someone else to fall in love with and don't ever give up on life. We are all beautiful, wonderful and intelligent human beings who will find love and happiness eventually. Don't give up my friend. Edited October 13, 2014 by DirtyHairy 1
Author user_name Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 You are all... Awesome! Seriously thank you all so much. I haven't received this much love and words of encouragement in a long time. With your inspirational words it motivates me to keep going. If none of you gave up then I shouldn't give up on myself either. I wonder why we all have to go through this. If love is such a painful feeling, why does it still exist in the world? Why do people make us go through this? I will definitely try to keep my chin up, I'm not gonna lie I broke down a little earlier today, but I hope I can go a day without being sad soon. For now, forcing my self not to think about it has helped. I start to daydream about it in class and I snap myself out of it. Its hard though...
Author user_name Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 *hugs* to each one of you. I would love to be there for you too. I am not emotionally stable right now to give the best relationship advice but I am here to listen to you all.
DirtyHairy Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) You are all... Awesome! Seriously thank you all so much. I haven't received this much love and words of encouragement in a long time. With your inspirational words it motivates me to keep going. If none of you gave up then I shouldn't give up on myself either. I wonder why we all have to go through this. If love is such a painful feeling, why does it still exist in the world? Why do people make us go through this? I will definitely try to keep my chin up, I'm not gonna lie I broke down a little earlier today, but I hope I can go a day without being sad soon. For now, forcing my self not to think about it has helped. I start to daydream about it in class and I snap myself out of it. Its hard though... If the feeling of pain and sadness didn't exist in the world then we would never be able to fully appreciate being in love. That's why sometimes those who have been hurt the most tend to love the most when they fall in love and are the most romantic ones. It's because they know the pain and they only want the one they love to feel pure happiness and don't ever want to hurt them or make them go through the paint they have experienced in their pasts. People don't hurt you because they have something against you (in most cases anyways) they do it because they are just searching for their happiness too. That's why I never hold anything against any of the exes who ended things with me, I don't hate any of them and I'm not angry at any of them even those who have cheated on me. Everyone deserves to be happy in this world and one day we will find someone to spend it with. It just takes time to get there but we all will get there. Last thing is don't worry if you have a bad day and break down. I do that all the time and sometimes I will get upset and sad and might let out some tears but you know what, it's just a part of the process and that's perfectly okay to let out some tears or think about it. It isn't just magically going to go away, try to embrace it and take it day by day and never forget that it's perfectly okay to have a bad moment or a bad day just try not to dwell on it. Edited October 14, 2014 by DirtyHairy 1
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