Chemist Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted on here once about my situation and have discussed it with several friends; ultimately I have decided that my relationship must end. I have been with her for a little longer than five years. It really seemed the first months were amazing, like always. Then over time, things started to happen that caused me to withdraw emotionally. Being judged in a negative way after being honest about things like previous partners, girls that are good friends, etc... Made me fear being honest with her because I wanted to avoid needless fights. Certain ways she responds to stress and pressure in her life made me feel like I had to walk on egg shells. Huge fights over nothing, despite me trying to avoid them. I eventually withdrew emotionally and was just going through the motions. Why didn't I break up then? I don't know, I was mid dissertation and didn't want to deal with it. Now, I have finally opened up to her because she has been putting pressure on me for a long term commitment (i.e. that ring) and I just feel like looking forward to a life based on the past sounds like the opposite of what I want in life. I don't want to tiptoe on eggshells, delicately dancing around her short fuse, and still have ridiculous fights for the rest of my life. I told her that I never wanted to talk about our future because I didn't want to say such hurtful things. I told her my problems with her attitude and anger and judgements. She has apologized for it, but I frankly don't believe in this bull****. Apologize, sure, but it is a selfish act unless one tries to avoid repeating the violation to begin with. If not, then they simply aren't sorry. I have a hard time believing in words over actions and we are now long distance. I have a job in Europe and she is still in the US and at this point, I can't really test to see if she really has changed. I doubt it. I have told her how I feel before with no change. I feel like I love her though, not in love exactly, but I care about her and her well being. When I think about staying with her, it freaks me out and I don't want to, but when I think about breaking up, I get anxious and sad. I want to break up with her, but I am not entirely sure how to approach it. It seems like in the heat of a fight, it would be easier because I'd be angry and mad, but then a lot of **** gets said that is untrue. I'd like it to remain calm, but I've told her that we can try to work things out, but now I don't care too anymore. I am not sure how to bring it up, how to go through with it, and what I can expect in reaction. I feel awful knowing I am going to crush someone who has told me they want to spend their life with me. I will feel guilty and I don't know what she will say to plead and beg with me to not leave, but how do I stay strong. How do I try to tell her that I have thought about it long and hard and don't think we bring out the best in each other, but the worst, and despite me loving her, it's time for us to realize the truth about our toxic relationship. How do I do this over skype!? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Leegh Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Possibly you could tell her pretty much what you told us in your post, except phrase it as if you are talking to her. Since there is no future in the relationship, then it is best if it is ended. I think you will feel relief once you have gotten out of the relationship. I would either do it fairly soon, or wait until the after the New Year, as I've heard it's not good to break up with someone around Christmas.
CaliBabe Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I could be off, but do you want to break up because she is not physically there with you? Do you want to pursue a woman in Europe that you can actually be with?
No Limit Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I feel like I love her though, not in love exactly, but I care about her and her well being. When I think about staying with her, it freaks me out and I don't want to, but when I think about breaking up, I get anxious and sad. I want to break up with her, but I am not entirely sure how to approach it. It seems like in the heat of a fight, it would be easier because I'd be angry and mad, but then a lot of **** gets said that is untrue. I'd like it to remain calm, but I've told her that we can try to work things out, but now I don't care too anymore. If you haven't been unfaithful yet, you aren't far from it judging by your first line in the part I quoted here. Right now it's okay to still feel somewhat responsible, but when you break up you must let go of those feelings and go NC. It won't serve either of you to go through a nasty breakup over and over by yelling at each other over and over - and judging from your description it will be a bad breakup, it always is when people who can't control themselves are involved. But just because she's undisciplined, doesn't mean you have to. Obviously your deeper feelings are gone; the rest is just so adamant in you because you spent 5 years together; however, it won't get any easier if you wait longer until another 5 years pass. How you do it per Skype? You get your headphone, microphone or whatever device let's you listen and talk, and then tell her. Speak your mind. And should she show that aggressive streak again, well, consider your concerns confirmed then.
NoLeafClover Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 How would u want someone to break up with u...drag u along till after xmas or tell u right away..do it over the phone, Skype or in person ? Answer that and do just that.
tikay00 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 How would u want someone to break up with u...drag u along till after xmas or tell u right away..do it over the phone, Skype or in person ? Answer that and do just that. Bingo. I think you already know the answer.
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