Before I start No Contact, what should her perception of me be exactly? (Updated)

[indyboy362]

Short backstory: We meet 3 months ago. It was perfect, we clicked like never before and could imagine being together for a while. We both agreed we've never felt this way about anybody else before. We talked everyday and had amazing dates with eachother. Our friendship grew as well and we trusted eachother completely. Then out of nowhere, she freaks out about everything and asks if we should just be friends. She's going through a ton of stress and anxiety and I think it's clouding her thinking. Also her parents are pressuring her for an arranged marriage which she doesn't want so everything added up is just pushing me away from her.

 

8 days ago we officially ended it, after weeks of me trying to convince her and give her some space. I did as much as I could and I'm pretty sure nothing could change her mind. I'm pretty damn devastated and after reading a lot on this website, I have decided to start No Contact.

 

I'm worried though her view of me isn't right. I want her to miss me, and wonder what I'm doing. Our last text conversations after the breakup were as follows:

 

Me(monday): "Hey, I'm going on a date saturday but I still care for you. Do you want to meet this week? Otherwise then yea..." This was a desperation hail mary kind of text, I didn't actually have a date.

 

Her(tuesday): Afternoon: "Hey i'll text you tonight if I can make it." That night: "Hey my week is actually really hectic but I hope you have fun saturday :)"

 

Me(tuesday): "Aite, take care of yourself *girlsname*." This was like a goodbye text.

 

Her(wednesday): "Hey, I hope all is going well for you!"

 

That's it. I ignored that text and now 4 days later I feel like she has a poor impression on me. Maybe I'm just tripping and I'm actually doing the right thing but it doesn't feel like it. I feel like me saying that I had a date makes her think I'm dating around and have zero care for her. Or maybe that she's upset that I got a date so fast after the breakup. I feel like I should reply to her "i hope all is going well" text with something like Hey I'm fine but I need space. Or something. I have no clue, that's why I'm here. I feel like departing on good terms is better than a semi bad one.

Edited September 14, 2014 by indyboy362

[Ordinaryday]

you've done all you can do and contacting her now will just come across as needy and desperate. the dumper should ALWAYS be the first one to break no contact, always!!!

 

I have NEVER been the one to initiate contact postbreakup - remember if she wanted to be with you SHE WOULD CONTACT YOU TO TELL YOU.

[indyboy362]

I really want to send one last message before I stop contact with her though. Like just let out all my feelings on how I'm hurt. Maybe that's just me thinking she'll reply with something I want to hear.

[indyboy362]

Oh also the day we broke up, I called her that night and told her that we'll be fine and we can be friends eventually. I realize now that was a horrible mistake. I don't think that's how I want her to think of me. I want to tell her how I feel and that I'm hurt and that I need time.

[Haydn]

Really does not matter what you said in the past. Block all numbers fb etc.... NC is hard and you may crack like most of us but once you implement it properly it does help you to move on.

[Natsu21]

Doesn't matter how she sees you.

 

She doesn't want to be with you. You can't look any better in her eyes as long as you're around.

 

NC. You might break but at this point, people come and go and that's just something you have to accept.

[Magnet]

As long as you think about how you want her to 'perceive' you before starting NC, that means you are still holding on.

 

I slipped up my first phase of NC by emailing my ex a long long email and after I got really mad wishing I had said other stuff to get it off my chest before going to NC again.

 

Then I realised, saying that extra stuff to leave one last perception was just prolonging my misery. I was going around and around in circles trying to work out what to say but for what purpose? Her purpose? My purpose?

 

At the end of the day to move on you need to stop caring what she thinks of you.

[indyboy362]

We're both 24. We broke up a week ago. Haven't talked to in 5 days, I ignored her last text. But I have this need to tell her this. I think I'll feel good about it. Pretty much she broke up with me because there's a lot of stress and anxiety in her life that she got scared of a relationship. It was so perfect though that I feel like having me around would be beneficial.

 

"I need to get this off my back. I'm hurt. And I'm mad at you that you didn't even give this a fighting chance. I understand you're going through things, but I also think that you could have mustered up even just a little strength to keep me around. I bailed on my date yesterday because i was not ready for something else yet. I really liked you. We clicked, and had amazing conversations. It was great. And we built up a very trusting and comforting connection/friendship. And I know you felt the same way. Remember the feeling of butterflies in your stomach? Remember how good that felt? These feeling in life come by so rarely that you may one day regret letting them go. I just wish you could see that, but you gave up instantly and ran away from this. I don't know if i can appreciate that. It's weird we had no issues at all and things seemed great. I guess there may just be more to this story that you aren't telling me to protect my feelings, and fine. But I have to say that right now I can't be in your life girlsname, because frankly this hurts."

 

Also, I want her back someday. It may happen, it may not happen. But right now in these early stages that's all i can possibly think about.

 

tl;dr: It ended. I'm hurt. I want to tell her all this before going no contact.

[lonewalker]

Text and get it over and done with.

 

And prolong ur misery for another 5days

[WhiteTan]

Can you text her this one last final message? Yes. Would it be a beneficial thing to do so? Probably not.

 

You don't need permission from Loveshack to do what you want to do. If you need to text her this, do it but I don't know what you're expecting to gain.

Guilt tripping her isn't going to change her mind and even if it did, it would be short term before she broke up with you again.

 

 

If you don't respect her choice, all it's going to do is cause drama that isn't worth it. I'd suggest venting your pain to somebody else and leaving your terms with her where ever they are now. Your decision though!

 

Stay strong and good luck

Edited September 15, 2014 by WhiteTan

[Haydn]

No no no no.

[CarrieT]

I want to tell her all this before going no contact.

You have been No Contact for five days.

 

Telling her will not change anything. It won't make you feel better. It will set you back to the VERY BEGINNING and the pain will begin anew as you wait for an answer or some gesture of "closure" from her that will hurt you more.

 

Don't do it.

[Toodaloo]

Please don't.

 

If I dumped someone and got that... I would wrinkle my nose up at them and it would make me disrespect them...

 

For your own good please don't.

 

Go out and do something you enjoy, go see friends, hug your mother whatever... Just please don't send that text.

 

If you have the urge to send any others please put them on here instead of sending.

 

I can't tell you what to do and you can only do what you feel is right... But you also have to look at yourself in the mirror each morning and in 6 months time you may feel a berk for ever sending it.

 

If in doubt - don't.

[ThorntonMelon]

That note is needy, terrible, and painful. Under no circumstances should it be sent (even though we all know you already sent it).

 

There is nothing more unattractive than an appeal like that where you try to change someone else's mind. No, No, No, No, No. Respect her decision and start the process of getting over her.

[mightycpa]

Just realize that you're doing this for you. It won't make a whit's difference to her, and at best, her thinking about you, IF she even is thinking about you, WILL NOT CHANGE. That's the best possible case.

 

More likely, she will either pity you, or think less of you.

 

Your message is for your peace of mind. She probably doesn't care.

[d0nnivain]

NC is not about her perception of you. It's about improving your perception of yourself. Hold your head high. Know she's wrong & move on. Do not look back or care about what she thinks.

[indyboy362]

We broke up 2 weeks ago. Been on no contact for about a week and a half. I want her back someday and I'm fully committed to this No Contact thing. I won't cave. She texted me "Hey, how are you?" a week into no contact and I refuse to reply.

 

But I've been thinking a lot about social media lately though. Should I be posting instagram pictures of myself doing awesome things? Or snapchat stories of my life appearing happy? Or should I just be completely disappeared from her life so she has no idea what I'm doing? Not sure how to approach that.

 

Thanks.

[NopeNah]

Seriously!?!? Do whatever you want! She's gone! Sleeping with others and what not.. Do you!! If you want pictures.. Do it. Live a fast single life my friend!!

[dumbass2]

We broke up 2 weeks ago. Been on no contact for about a week and a half. I want her back someday and I'm fully committed to this No Contact thing. I won't cave. She texted me "Hey, how are you?" a week into no contact and I refuse to reply.

 

But I've been thinking a lot about social media lately though. Should I be posting instagram pictures of myself doing awesome things? Or snapchat stories of my life appearing happy? Or should I just be completely disappeared from her life so she has no idea what I'm doing? Not sure how to approach that.

 

Thanks.

 

This is by far and away the absolute best thing you could do. I wish I had come here earlier in my break up and got this advice. Please completely disappear from her life. She broke up with you. If she really really really thinks she made a mistake, give it some time completely away and she might come to you if she does feel that way. You may also start to feel that she really wasn't the one for you. The less she knows about you, the more she will miss you and want to know what is going on. Happens all the time with the dumper. Doesn't usually mean though that they want you back, just that they miss you and are curious as to what you are doing. Do not give her the benefit of you showing her, let her have to wonder and guess. Pictures of ex's on social media a lot of the times are not reality of how things are really going any way, especially right after a break up. Start enjoying single life.

[David87]

Who cares what she thinks? She's not your girlfriend anymore. Do whatever makes you happy, but make sure you dont do this just to rub it in her face. Do it for you.

[NopeNah]

Why can't people live there lives with no hidden agenda of getting an ex back? I know the hurting , ect.. But.. WHY do people not want better for themselves!?!?? Seriously mind raping me..Jesus.