Is this normal?

[Fireweed]

I dated a man for 4.5 years, and have known him for 6. We broke up and it's taken me a year to finally move on and start thinking about someone new. I didn't know it til recently, as we remained best friends and I was hopeful for reconciling, even though I did the breaking up, but he moved on in less than 2 weeks. I feel hurt that he didn't take any time, but seemingly seamlessly transitioned into something new, so very quickly. Is this the case for all men? And is it the case for women to take much longer? It should be noted that I truly believe that only real growth can happen over time, and that filling the space of one relationship immediately is sad and unhealthy.

[FortunateSon]

I think every person/situation is different. My experience is the opposite, my ex got involved with someone fairly quickly after our LTR/engagement, she is still with him as far as I know, while it has taken me longer to heal and get to a healthier place to meet someone. My experience has been that women are able to move on faster then men.

[zen2475]

Remaining friends with him allowed him to move on faster. I assume he was the one to break it off? A lot of times break ups are considered for a very long time and eventually detachment from the SO sets in before the break up is accomplished.

 

 

Staying friends with him allowed him to feel like less of the bad guy, and he had nothing to feel guilty about. He didn't have to mourn a loss because you were still in his life. So he was able to move on while you were still picking up your emotional pieces.

 

 

This is academic now for you in that you are considering this in retrospect, but this is why it's best to go NC after a break up.

[sugarlove]

If he was the one who has checked out emotionally way before you did, then it'll seemed that he has moved on faster than you. It doesn't matter what gender you are, the person who is more invested in the relationship will take longer to get over the breakup.

[mightycpa]

This does not happen to most men, I guarantee you that. But I did have a similar experience, and I'll even tell you why.

 

I went out with a girl in my entire senior year in HS, and the summer after. I went to college, she didn't, and she broke up with me after about 6 weeks. After about a year, I started dating a new girl, she went to a different school, so it was LDR too. We were together during the summers, and a few weekends. I dated her for 4 years. She broke up with me by phone one evening, and I was miserable that night, and the whole next day. I woke up the following morning, and I was literally OVER IT. Never looked back, she wanted to be friends, but I didn't really want that either. What I did realize was that I wasn't over the HS girl. I never did get over her, even though I found someone I loved just as much, and I married her.

 

I liked my 4 year college girlfriend a lot, but in retrospect, I dated her mostly to forget about the HS girlfriend, who I still love to this day. Maybe my story has some elements in it that are like yours. Either way, don't worry about it, I can tell you it's nothing personal. The heart wants what it wants, and it doesn't want what it doesn't want. You broke up for a reason, and I have to assume you're getting what you want. Embrace that, and let the ex feel whatever he's going to feel.

[Kopite]

I generally believe that women get over a break-up much quicker than men, and this is not because of a genetic or biological reason, it is because women tend to have more social support. They tend to share their feelings with others and they usually have more friends and family members who can help them overcome obstacles in life. In my opinion, this is why women tend to live a few years longer than men too.