Unique Situation

[BlondieAD]

The guy I was dating abruptly ended it with me insisting to be only friends. Our situation is very unique because his wife left him for my husband. This happened just this past January. His wife and my husband have been seeing each other since. This guy (we will call him Nick), was a good friend of mine. We started dating late January and dated until March. He ended it with me then because he said the situation was just too weird and he couldn't handle it. Mind you he has 2 children and I also have 2 children. We barely spoke after he ended- it was very sporadic, civil, but not often. About a month/6 weeks later he came back and said he couldn't stand not be around me that he would deal with everything that he knew exactly what he wanted and it was me. We dated for about a month and then it happened all over again. He said that he cared deeply for me and that if the situation was different (meaning with his wife and my husband) then he would feel different. He said he doesn't feel that it is fair to his kids to be in such a messed up situation. I am devastated. I really like this guy. We have TONS of fun together and get along perfectly. We spent every ounce of our time together and had the best times. I respect what he is saying, and I truly do feel he has strong feelings for me, but I don't know what to do. How do I convince him to take a chance with me? I told him that I am in no position for a lifetime commitment, but he said he feels that he cant continue a relationship if he feels he cant be with me for the long haul. He says he wishes our spouses weren't together so he could be with me. What do I do? I cant be just friends with him.

[Elle1975]

The guy I was dating abruptly ended it with me insisting to be only friends. Our situation is very unique because his wife left him for my husband. This happened just this past January. His wife and my husband have been seeing each other since. This guy (we will call him Nick), was a good friend of mine. We started dating late January and dated until March. He ended it with me then because he said the situation was just too weird and he couldn't handle it. Mind you he has 2 children and I also have 2 children. We barely spoke after he ended- it was very sporadic, civil, but not often. About a month/6 weeks later he came back and said he couldn't stand not be around me that he would deal with everything that he knew exactly what he wanted and it was me. We dated for about a month and then it happened all over again. He said that he cared deeply for me and that if the situation was different (meaning with his wife and my husband) then he would feel different. He said he doesn't feel that it is fair to his kids to be in such a messed up situation. I am devastated. I really like this guy. We have TONS of fun together and get along perfectly. We spent every ounce of our time together and had the best times. I respect what he is saying, and I truly do feel he has strong feelings for me, but I don't know what to do. How do I convince him to take a chance with me? I told him that I am in no position for a lifetime commitment, but he said he feels that he cant continue a relationship if he feels he cant be with me for the long haul. He says he wishes our spouses weren't together so he could be with me. What do I do? I cant be just friends with him.

 

When I read "unique situation" I thought "yeah right, we all think our situation is just unique and it's all going to be good". Ah, oh my, this is unique indeed.

 

May I suggest you guys see a couple therapist? I actually think that keeping the kids in the same "environment" would be good for them. I could be wrong, that's why I am suggesting the therapist. Go alone if you must.

 

I know he must feel weird.. but it's not like you two did the cheating.. so..

[seminoles84]

Whoa.. Sorry no way I see this working out well. Sorry..

[PhillyConnection23]

This truly is a unique situation.

 

My suggestion would be to take it slow. It sounds like you two will be interacting with each other in the future.

 

Frankly, if I was in his shoes, I would be just as apprehensive about the situation. The children only compounds the issue further. And are you 100% this is the guy you want to be with? Or do you think that the uniqueness of this situation is giving you a rose-tint to everything?

[BlondieAD]

haha, yes and this was the shortened version. He is also a co-worker of mine. Our kids adore each other so I feel that sharing the environment is actually good too. All 4 of he kids like the 4 adults well. Perhaps he needs time to heal and figure things out in his own mind. I have actually been going to counseling since late February.

[BlondieAD]

This is a guy I would want to be with. We were friends for awhile before this (very innocent friends). We have such a strong connection and we keep gravitating toward each other. I absolutely could see myself with him, and it worries me a bit that I feel so strongly. I completely understand his apprehension and I do not disregard his feelings in the slightest. Everyone is entitled to their feelings so I respect his. I do feel he is making a mistake, but it is out of my control.

[CarrieT]

Tell him you can't be just friends - that it hurts too much - and go No Contact.

 

By trying to be friends, you will be looking for breadcrumbs and it will keep both of you from moving on.

 

Maybe by NOT having you so available, he will realize you are worth working for.

[Elle1975]

haha, yes and this was the shortened version. He is also a co-worker of mine. Our kids adore each other so I feel that sharing the environment is actually good too. All 4 of he kids like the 4 adults well. Perhaps he needs time to heal and figure things out in his own mind. I have actually been going to counseling since late February.

 

Have you shared this idea with him? He might not realize that this relationship could be a blessing. Also, is he just hung up on the ex and not admitting it?