2 months later...I think she wants me back =)

[Ilovehertodeath]

Well, my girlfriend and I were to together for 2 and a half years. She broke up with me 2 months ago because I was an "a**h***" to her.

Those 2 months without her I felt like the BIGGEST PILE OF SH*T. Then about 3 weeks after she broke up with me she said she started dating this guy named andrew that works with her. All she ever talked about was ...andrew is so cute....andrew this...andrew that.... . So I decided to do no contact. She called me a few times during no contact but I never answered. After a while she stopped calling and stopped emailing me. One day she was on AIM and tried to ask me a question about her computer...I told her I was going to take a shower and I signed off. I signed off everytime she tried to talk to me on AIM. Then about a week later I sent her an email to apologize for signing off and ignoring her. That same day she called me and asked me to go to her house...I told her I really didnt feel like driving over there....she kept asking me to come over...but I refused and I asked her to drive to my house...She said "ok". We went to my room and talked about where we used to have sex and all the good times.

 

Then she asked me why I never called her those 2 months. I told her that iv'e been trying to keep myself busy because I hate break ups. Then she asked me If I wanted to get back together and I told her that those 2 months made me realize that we are better off just being friends. She got really sad when I said that..looked like she was about to cry. It was getting late so she said she had to get going. I walked her out to her car and she was like "I dont want to tell you this but....Sex SUCKS." "Andrew sucks at doing it......I mean it was great with you because you are all big and stuff." I guess that was her last attempt to try to get me to change my mind about us going back out again. I just giggled....then she asked for a hug and she gave me her new cell phone number to call her sometime.

 

I dont know if I should call her or just chill now that I know I have the upper hand. She really ****ed me over when she broke up with me. I couldnt eat or sleep for 3 weeks. I wanted to kill myself....I really want to get back together because I still love her and I miss her...but I dont know how or when to do it. I dont want to get back together with her right away. I want her to realize what she did was ****ed up and she is going to lose me for what she did. I want her to feel my pain for once. What do you guys think I should do? Oh she also told me that I could ask her back out anytime I wanted to. I dont want it to seem like im desperate so Im just going to chill for a while...grrrr so confusing. help me out.... thanks

[jamwinswim]

Whats going on buddy?

 

Man I read your post, and I think you should be at least happier. Why?

 

A) You are now in control

B) She came back.

 

Most of us in here are waiting and hoping for that day, myself included. Literally this morning I was thinking about your position before even reading your post - How would I deal with it if she came back? Right now Im just trying to fight the good fight, and not feel like a pile of ...ya know, and am initiating no contact.

 

Im not sure how to feel in your position. She left, she came back, she had a short term relationship, fling, thing with another guy, and had sex with him.... that would hurt me I know. And here she is, 2 mths later, saying all the things you probably told her at the beginning of the break up - how she was making a mistake and all that good stuff about not breaking up. From what you have typed though, it seems very sincere her attitude, and you indeed are now in control.

 

So what to do? Im not sure what I would do myself - I hope that day comes, but who knows for me. As for you my friend its time to learn if shes genuine about this - and genuine for the future not right now cos shes been ping ponging around. Im thinking go back to the start, like at the start of the relationship. When you guys first started dating - try to learn about her all over again. Take it slow, work on the friendship, because its not as if you can just jump her, kiss her, hug her tight - you need to learn that those feelings are true once more. Go out, take her out, hang out, but think of the things that caused the break up. If you enjoyed being with friends lately, dont neglect them - right now you have a 2nd opportunity to work at things, so do them right. And when it comes time for the both of you to talk relationship again, talk about things you can both work at. Communicate. Its obvious you love this girl very much, and because you love her this much do things correctly. Think of it this way - the relationship has to change compared to what it was before because that relationship led to a breakup. You are a much stronger person now for being through the hurt and pain, and I know (really, I know) that you want her to see how much that pain hurt. I dont think there is any need to be bitter or spiteful..... you dont need to push her away now. You have her back! lol. Id say wait a few days and see if she calls, and if she doesnt, call her, ask her if she wants to do dinner, a movie.... something out and about (because if you do something at home, both of you could end up jumping each others bones, which is good.... but be a little patient buddy, you want this to be genuine right?). Take it slow, do it properly..... try not to ask too much about the past 2 mths with her, only if she wants to tell you. It might upset you, it might upset her, and push her back away.

 

I may be right, I may be wrong, but dont waste this opportunity youve got. You obviously love her, and shes come back - make it good this time.

[WantanS4]

Dude... let her burn a while... let it sting in her for a while.

 

if not... she'll do it again.........

 

God.... HIGH FIVE FOR YOU.... except that she slept with the other dude....... i could never swallow that...............

[jamwinswim]

she slept with the other dude..... yeah I find that very hard to swallow. Damn.

[WantanS4]

I tell you... if they sleep with someone else... they're done for. I stressed that with my ex... I told her... "Look... if that's who you are... then that's who you are... you shouldn't be ashamed of it.... but if you are that person.. then I don't want you... because I'm not that type...and I want that type for myself...."

 

So...... if i were in your shoes... that's grounds for slamming the door shut... boardering it up... and setting it ablaze... BURN THAT BRIDGE and have fun diong it

 

Oh... and in my case... starting from block 1... giong through the getting to know stuff.. and learning as you go along.... no way... i could never dothat... god.. it makes me sick thinking about starting over........... and not asking her "F.UCK YOU BEEN!??!"....... weird... too much effort for someone that doesn't give a **** for me now............... i don't know... decisions...decisions.......

[netrie]

Originally posted by Ilovehertodeath

She broke up with me 2 months ago because I was an "a**h***" to her...I dont know if I should call her or just chill now that I know I have the upper hand.

 

Indeed, you DO have the upper hand. This is what you wanted: EGO BOOST. Don't abuse this. If you love her, call her NOW. What can it hurt to give it a try?

 

I need to know if you had any sexual affairs or not or any gf while you two broke up? Important to know but not bad or good.

 

Good back with her asap:

 

RULE # 1 do NOT bring up anything about Andrew

RULE# 2 Keep the focus on the two of you, LIGHTLY

RULE # 3 Smile, be kind, and forgiving

 

 

---- life is WAYYYYYY TOO SHORT.

[netrie]

Originally posted by jamwinswim

she slept with the other dude..... yeah I find that very hard to swallow. Damn.

 

What is with you guys! As if you do NOT sleep with a gf AFTER a breakup? Man, they were NOT married. Give them BOTH a break. The girl is coming back--- She did not hide anything ever. In fact the guy knew about Andrew after their breakup as they both talked about it.

 

Recall what he said about "being an a**h***" to her. Come on guys! He admitted to being a total a**h***. Why can't she breakup and sleep with someone else?

 

Don't change your tune in the middle of the song, Jamwinswim. I LOVED your initial reply to this guy in love.

 

Let him decide, but don't burn her at stake because she had an affair AFTER their breakup. At least she had the decency to breakup first.

 

My ex and I broke up in April and during our 2 month break, he had a gf and they had sex! Big deal! We were not together. DUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH. He at least made sure that we had broken up first.

 

If it is REAL, it will evolve naturally.

 

smiles,

Netalia

[jamwinswim]

lol I wasnt changing my tune at all, everything i posted i meant. I was just kinda laughing with Wantan abot the sex thing, I dont think he should burn any bridges. Just for me personally, I know sex is an important thing - its a representation of love for me, and passion between two people, not just a quickie to get satisfied. I would still find it hard to swallow and accept, but i'd also learn to forgive. At least he loves her and shes coming back - just need to do things right this time. That is all i meant, not any "Im a guy, *uck that *itch she slept around yadda yadda" hell no i didnt mean that. Maybe in my more respectful and "old fashioned" ways, I still think sex as something important and not just something to do. Come on Netalia, you know I was gonna defend myself over that one But i didnt say or agree to let her burn lol. Thats all Wantan.... but after all, this is a forum, and you get all the replies whatever they may be.

[jamwinswim]

lol I wasnt changing my tune at all, everything i posted i meant. I was just kinda laughing with Wantan abot the sex thing, I dont think he should burn any bridges. Just for me personally, I know sex is an important thing - its a representation of love for me, and passion between two people, not just a quickie to get satisfied. I would still find it hard to swallow and accept, but i'd also learn to forgive. At least he loves her and shes coming back - just need to do things right this time. That is all i meant, not any "Im a guy, *uck that *itch she slept around yadda yadda" hell no i didnt mean that. Maybe in my more respectful and "old fashioned" ways, I still think sex as something important and not just something to do. Come on Netalia, you know I was gonna defend myself over that one But i didnt say or agree to let her burn lol. Thats all Wantan.... but after all, this is a forum, and you get all the replies whatever they may be.

[netrie]

Originally posted by jamwinswim

lol I wasnt changing my tune at all, everything i posted i meant. ..Come on Netalia, you know I was gonna defend myself over that one

 

 

Jam:

 

Cool! I was actually aiming at those other guys who were angry about it. I am sure that they were burned and are not so trusting, but I sure understand.

 

Thanks so much for your reply!

 

Youre sweet.

 

Have a great weekend,

 

Netalia

[WantanS4]

HOLD UP!

 

 

Look.. what i meant by let her 'burn' was that I think he should give her sometime to consider the idea that he's actually gone. Don't you think it gets easier to quit each time someone does? So if he jumps the gun and lets her back in..... she'll keep that control she took and things will not get solved.

 

 

As far as the sex thing.... well...... think about it this way. Sex/making love is a thing that two people share... I think it's special and if she's the type to go around having 'special' moments with every other guy.. then... how special was he to her? I don't know.... i think if a couple has problems... and they want to work things out.... sex with other people in the time apart complicates things later. Personally, I cherish women who have such tremendous respect for themselves and the ability for a woman (especailly this day and age) to decline and resist requests for sex. In other words, a girl who demands respect is like a clearer/heavier diamond, more expensive and costly to get to, but well worth the wait.

 

As far as the arguement..oh i need to find out what i like in bed and learn things that i don't know... that's a heap of crap..... cause sex is one of those things that you learn something new each time you do it.

 

i can't wait to see your replies

 

 

and here's another thing.... why is it sooo WRONG for someone to ask another person who they've been with and what they did? Is that not simply asking for truth and honesty? I think that without honest/truth, there can't be trust... and without trust.. there can't be love. That's why pepole should be straight forward/open all the time.... it saves later heartaches.

[netrie]

Originally posted by WantanS4

HOLD UP!

 

 

Look.. what i meant by let her 'burn' was that I think he should give her sometime to consider the idea that he's actually gone. Don't you think it gets easier to quit each time someone does? So if he jumps the gun and lets her back in..... she'll keep that control she took and things will not get solved...As far as the sex thing.... well...... think about it this way. Sex/making love is a thing that two people share... I think it's special and if she's the type to go around having 'special' moments with every other guy.. then... how special was he to her? I don't know.... i i can't wait to see your replies

 

 

Okay. I was not pointing it personally AT YOU, but look, life is not the rosy perfect thing that we all wish it could be nor is virgins so common and probably never really were if you think about it. The point is that she had "broken up" with the guy and was on her own. Why do you think she is one to give it away----I dont understand. Maybe they were sitting in his apt. watching a movie and started to get turned on-- maybe on the TENTH date... I dont know the facts but who cares? The final point is that LOVE is a big factor here and it can overcome anything if two people are emotionally mature enough to go through it together. Give love the chance... We don't know her sexual history and I don't know his either but so what--- if he can find happiness that is the FINAL FINAL point here.

 

I hope you agree.

[WantanS4]

Hmm... i see where we disagree.........

 

How is that people can sleep together if there is no love? How can someone just give themselves inorder to fullfil an urge? I can't do that... I can't sit there and give pleasure/get pleasured if I'm not doing it out of love.

 

I would not be happy knowing/FINDING OUT that my ex (if she does come back.. which i doubt now because of how crazy women are) she slept with someone else.. In fact... i don't think i could even get it up... because I'd sit there pondering if she's thinking of me or him when we're going through the motions........ OH!!! the thought...

[netrie]

I see. For you it is a VALUE-thing and that is very good to have. Good for you. I agree.

 

I wish more men thought like you in that area.

 

However, forgiving is most important as we "strive" towards the goal of love.

 

Don't get so caught up in rigid rules in case a slip happens to someone you love...

 

Commit to the relationship not the person so much. BUT know who it is you are involved with as that is your problem and mine if our loved one ends up being a "cheat" or scum bag, right?

 

P.S. By committing to the total relationship, you leave room for error and love. A person, individually, is NOT perfect... I don't care how strong his/her values are.

 

friendly advice,

Netalia

[WantanS4]

P.S. By committing to the total relationship, you leave room for error and love. A person, individually, is NOT perfect... I don't care how strong his/her values are.

 

Is that what not we're trying for.... something to make ourselves better/toward perfection/refinement?

 

Don't get so caught up in rigid rules in case a slip happens to someone you love...

 

Oh so now it's a 'slip'??? I don't know... it might be she was jsut trying to piss/get even with him. We don't know her or her motives for it.

 

 

 

As far as forgiving, yes... forgiving is good... but this is what i mean that extra-curricular sex MAKES forgiveness harder! Granted she wasn't in the relationship, but.... deep down inside you KNOW ifyou love someone... YOU KNOW... and if you do... WHY THROW IT ALL TO HELL with a ONE NIGHT STAND (or a couple in her case)?

 

Life is too short.. and instead of MISCOMMUNICATING.. i think people need to (like chris rock says) "CUT THE F.UCKING S.HIT!!!"

[netrie]

Originally posted by WantanS4

 

As far as forgiving, yes... forgiving is good...

 

Hey dude

 

It all works out--everything does no matter what! I gotta run but its been a lot of fun chatting with you... You are sweet.

 

Good luck,

 

Netalia

[Ilovehertodeath]

to answer your question...I didnt have sex with anyone else during or after our relationship.

[WantanS4]

No no... we mean her......

 

 

GOOD JOB!!! At least you valued her... and you can slide in that fact when the time is right... just to make her realize how committed you were.

 

I say.... give it some time to sting....... I would blow her off just enough to keep her hoping there was a possibility of soemthing happening between you two. Just wiat it out a bit...... take it slow..... the balls in your court now... make sure you want to invest all you have back into her.

 

goodluck buddy...

[faux]

If you consider taking this girl back I would find you to be an absolute fool. If your story is accurate, I don't think she's worth anyone's time. She ditched and hurt you, and now she is involved with someone she is not fully happy with, for whatever her reasonings may be.

 

She is essentially hinting to you that she wants to screw this new Andrew fellow over and use you for her own gratification. Remember how you felt when she hurt you. Do you want to inflict that pain upon Andrew? If you consider doing anything with this girl you WILL be the catalyst for his pain, and you will be subjecting yourself to her every whim. She'd just be using you.

[Ilovehertodeath]

Hey guys, I talked to her last night in person. I told her EVERYTING.. all my feelings. I told her, those 2 months I was waiting for her to come back to ME. She told me she was waiting for me to GO BACK TO HER. She said we would have been together if I made contact with her and acutally showed her that I wanted to get back together. WTF? LOL **** this bitch... then she says ...."Well let me see how things go with andrew and then...I dunno we'll see." LMFAO **** THIS STUPD GIRL... SHE JUST WANTS DRAMA. I TOLD HER IM NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH HER **** AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR OR SEE HER AGAIN. IM DONE WITH HER. SHE DIDNT LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE HER SO **** HER IN THE POOPER!. Bitches aint **** but hoes and tricks. peace

 

THIS DUMB BITCH WANTED ME TO CHASE AFTER HER. LOL IM GOING TO CHASE HER BUT WITH A F*CKING BASEBALL BAT. *THANKS FOR WASTING 2 years of my ****ing life bitch.*

[shamen]

God I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. She should not have done that... It was pretty callous, actually.

 

But, I know that you don't really mean that you want to chase her with a baseball bat, right? JK? Just venting?

[Ilovehertodeath]

nah I dont really mean it....I just said that to show you guys how mad I am. =) Its all good....I'll find someone who loves me for who I am. =\

[netrie]

Originally posted by Ilovehertodeath

So I decided to do no contact. She called me a few times during no contact but I never answered. After a while she stopped calling and stopped emailing me. One day she was on AIM and tried to ask me a question about her computer...I told her I was going to take a shower and I signed off. I signed off everytime she tried to talk to me on AIM... I told her that those 2 months made me realize that we are better off just being friends. She got really sad when I said that..looked like she was about to cry... I guess that was her last attempt to try to get me to change my mind about us going back out again. I just giggled....then she asked for a hug and she gave me her new cell phone number to call her sometime...I really want to get back together because I still love her and I miss her... I want her to realize what she did was ****ed up and she is going to lose me for what she did. I want her to feel my pain for once. What do you guys think I should do? Oh she also told me that I could ask her back out anytime I wanted to.

 

Hey! I want to give you a DIFFERENT perspective and actually from your initial POST ---- please read these lines that you wrote...

 

It sounds like she was trying to reach out to you but you pushed her away. Emotions can be so destructive. I feel your hurt and I feel your anger. But take a look at the BIG PICTURE.

 

If you'll let me share with you -- my ex and I have broken up a couple of times and Ive run away and he also has run away but we still are drawn to each other. However, it is best if the ANGER and vindictiveness is left out. You sound like you tried to punish her by NOT showing her your real feelings that night in your house in the room and she ever drove out there to see you. Come on and step back and see what you could have done to make things work for you... She may still want to see you but she may also feel as if you had given up on her in spite of the initial breakup... It doesnt matter who did it, but BE YOURSELF from the beginning and avoid so much pain.

Let me know what you think.

[Ilovehertodeath]

Well she literally lives 4minutes away....so....driving over here isnt a big deal. but I see what you are saying...I only avoided her because I wanted her to miss me and what not....oh well I dont give a damn anymore. This girl has a big ego problem...She used to be really ugly to tell you the truth....acne and ****...but I saw past that...now that she has gotten older and got a job she thinks shes a BIG ****ING HIT AT WORK. always telling me everyone wants her and ****...Which I know is bs so doesnt matter... I know that andrew is just a rebound and I know for a fact that he will not love her like I did because shes always talking bad about him. I bet you guys one day shes going to come back looking for me but I wont be there for her.....I'll act like I'm friendly again but I will never return with her. NEVER. I realized what kind of person she is. oh well....I NEED TO VENT SO.... **** THAT BITCH!

 

Im going to follow my friends philosophy...."While you are looking for the RIGHT one, F*ck all the WRONG ones" PEACE