inlin Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 K so I think I have to start from the beginning. I'm 26 and shes 23 now. So I had met this girl and we hit it off pretty well. We got along great and always had a blast. In the beginning of the relationship I had gotten chlamydiae from her... I looked past it and forgave her because it something she did in the past. About 5-6 months into the relationship she went to another country,internship, so we did long distance over the summer and it worked out just fine. I always visited her for over a week and it was great. We spoke to each other at all times. When she came back she lived at my parents place for a month because there wasnt time to get a place for her as her parents don't live in the same city as the the school shes attending. She lives on her own. Over the course of the relationship I was always there for her when she was depressed (suffers from depression) and also helped her with her father issues. We always went on dates and expressed our feelings/thoughts to each other without raising our voices if we disagreed on something. About a year into our relationship my mother gets very angry at my gf because I wasn't invited to her fathers birthday and family gathering. I geuss she got upset since we treated her so close to our family but she didn't. Some time around January she said she doesn't like the fact that I live at home with my mom, even though I work and go to school full time. I told her its to save money and not be in debt, why would I move out if my school is in the same city? So after Valentines she decides that we shouldn't see each other... I was devastated and no idea wtf this is coming from. I asked her and she said its her gut feeling, or that she doesnt know why, that she loves me still, shes confused. I tried to get answers out of her but I know I should have gone NC (wish i know about this place before!) but I didn't. During the break-up and semi contact, her birthday was coming up and I had gotten gifts for her (before the breakup, did it super early cuz I ordered them online). We met up and I gave her the gifts and that was that. I was ready to move on. A few days later she texts me saying that "she now knows why" she wanted to break up and wanted to meet up the coming week. It was because I was living at home and I told her that I made plans to move out after summer anyways. So we see each other and we make up and decide to "take things slow". Whatever that means. After a course of maybe a week, she got the stomach flu and she needed help. So I came to her aid as she doesn't have family in the city and friends couldnt take care of her. So for 3 days I took care of her by cleaning her place, bringing food, making food and jsut being there for her emotionally and physically. Once she got better she texted me saying "We moved too fast" and that she's still confused, her gut feeling, doesn't an on and off relationship. And that was that... I just dont get it. She was always kinda needy and I was there for her... I felt like I wasted my time and money with her. I have no idea why she just ended things so fast and out of the blue. No signs of it at all.
mammasita Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 How long were you together when you found out you got chlymidia from her?
Author inlin Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) It was a few months in I believe. Of course I thought she was cheating and all but who knows. We were together for a year and 4 months or so. Edited April 7, 2014 by inlin
maturityassets Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Honestly, though you love her... This girl does not sound like a walk in the park. You've leaped forward and back for her and she thinks she has complete power over your relationship. I know you are probably worried about her depression and you deeply care for her well being as a caring and nice boyfriend but its time to let her know where you stand. That you aren't going to go through this on and off cycle and that if she is going to keep doing this or make excuses, then it's time to end it sorry to say. She is making excuses and pulling on strings. you sound better than this. You aren't her therapist or parent, you are her boyfriend. You should be complimentary to her and not her care taker. Only people themselves can work on their depression and while it's always better to have a support system they shouldn't become dependent on them in a way that those people become a band aid to a bigger problem. Edited April 7, 2014 by maturityassets 1
Author inlin Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Honestly, though you love her... This girl does not sound like a walk in the park. You've leaped forward and back for her and she thinks she has complete power over your relationship. I know you are probably worried about her depression and you deeply care for her well being as a caring and nice boyfriend but its time to let her know where you stand. That you aren't going to go through this on and off cycle and that if she is going to keep doing this or make excuses, then it's time to end it sorry to say. She is making excuses and pulling on strings. you sound better than this. You aren't her therapist or parent, you are her boyfriend. You should be complimentary to her and not her care taker. Only people themselves can work on their depression and while it's always better to have a support system they shouldn't become dependent on them ion a way that they become usury or a band aid. Well she ended things and blocked me on facebook. I kind of blasted on facebook, I wasn't brutal but it's something that is private and should not be made public. I know I messed up but I was drunk, angry and hurt.
maturityassets Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Well she ended things and blocked me on facebook. I kind of blasted on facebook, I wasn't brutal but it's something that is private and should not be made public. I know I messed up but I was drunk, angry and hurt. We've all been there and done that. I once talked to an ex of mine's best friend about what the hell happened and when that ex found out, things went south with constant bickering on FB until eventually we spoke on the phone for one last time and I said that it was time for me to say good bye and deal with my anxiety on my own. It happens. But the last thing you should be worried about is how that affected her or any hope you had for a "future". If you can forgive yourself and accept what happened by learning from it then all is great for your becoming a better you.
mammasita Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I dunno, I'm kinda leaning towards her cheating there OP. There's a chance she could have been walking around with chlymydia undetected for a couple months but I dunno, I'm skeptical, if I had something going on with my girly parts, I know something's up immediately and incubation is 1-3 weeks.....this isn't about that though....... Anyway, she sounds like she's not all together. I really think you're better off letting her go. One minute she loves you, the next she's not sure. Is that something you really want to deal with?
Author inlin Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 We've all been there and done that. I once talked to an ex of mine's best friend about what the hell happened and when that ex found out, things went south with constant bickering on FB until eventually we spoke on the phone for one last time and I said that it was time for me to say good bye and deal with my anxiety on my own. It happens. But the last thing you should be worried about is how that affected her or any hope you had for a "future". If you can forgive yourself and accept what happened by learning from it then all is great for your becoming a better you. We actually texted her goodbye and everything. Its been a week now. This whole ordeal sucks and just leaves me with unanswered questions. I guess I'll never find out what happened.
maturityassets Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Doesn't matter. Believe it or not you got all the answers you needed. A Depressed girl who had problems in knowing what she wanted in a relationship. Whether she cheated, has another person lined up or just wants to be single it doesn't matter. Those things would just stem from her initial problems and that would be with herself
Author inlin Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Doesn't matter. Believe it or not you got all the answers you needed. A Depressed girl who had problems in knowing what she wanted in a relationship. Whether she cheated, has another person lined up or just wants to be single it doesn't matter. Those things would just stem from her initial problems and that would be with herself I don't know... how can someone just change there feelings like that. Everything was going great and then out of no where... i would understand if things were getting sour and bad, but it wasn't. I guess I just have to ride this wave.
Author inlin Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Can anyone give me some inside information..? I just don't get it. It was a very loving and good relationship... till of course the break up. We talked about marriage, kids, family etc... Its also my first relationship and been told that the 1st one is the hardest to get over.
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Inside information? Sure....but, you probably won't believe me or like what I have to say. You wrote a couple of times that she stated that she was confused. Rule of thumb. When someone says that they are confused in a relationship, it usually means that they are confused about their feelings between you and another guy. So......there's another guy in the picture. You just don't know it.
Author inlin Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Inside information? Sure....but, you probably won't believe me or like what I have to say. You wrote a couple of times that she stated that she was confused. Rule of thumb. When someone says that they are confused in a relationship, it usually means that they are confused about their feelings between you and another guy. So......there's another guy in the picture. You just don't know it. If there is, why would she take me back? Only temp. though. It may be possible but I dont know...
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 If there is, why would she take me back? Only temp. though. It may be possible but I dont know... She didn't take you back. Just like I said, she stated that she's confused about her feelings. Therefore, she's probably wavering between the two of you. I mean, that week where she had the stomach flu and you went over there and took care of things only to get dumped again. I mean, what girl doesn't want to hold onto someone that took care of her? Yet, she let you go as soon as she was better. She used you. Look, I'm not saying that EVERYTIME you hear the confusion thing it means there's other guy or girl. But, I would say about 8/10 there is.
Author inlin Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 She didn't take you back. Just like I said, she stated that she's confused about her feelings. Therefore, she's probably wavering between the two of you. I mean, that week where she had the stomach flu and you went over there and took care of things only to get dumped again. I mean, what girl doesn't want to hold onto someone that took care of her? Yet, she let you go as soon as she was better. She used you. Look, I'm not saying that EVERYTIME you hear the confusion thing it means there's other guy or girl. But, I would say about 8/10 there is. Well it wasn't exactly like that. We back together for maybe a week and then she got the stomach flu. There really wasn't any suspicious or different about her, that's why I don't think she was seeing another guy. She works and goes to school a lot. Although it was awkward that she didnt want to hang out valentines day but she was working that night. We celebrated valentines a few days later when she had the day off and we had a great time, or so I thought at least. She didnt even get me a card or anything, just noticed that...
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Yeah dude. There's a bunch of different ways to cheat on someone. It could be someone at work, could be someone from a "study group" at school, she could be carrying on an emotional affair with someone online. Could have connected with someone on Facebook. Could be anything. Sorry dude, just my gut feeling. The point is, regardless if there's someone or not. She ended it with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, you need to start NC, heal from this and move on with your life. You deserve someone that's not wavering whether they want to be with you or not.
Author inlin Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Yeah dude. There's a bunch of different ways to cheat on someone. It could be someone at work, could be someone from a "study group" at school, she could be carrying on an emotional affair with someone online. Could have connected with someone on Facebook. Could be anything. Sorry dude, just my gut feeling. The point is, regardless if there's someone or not. She ended it with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, you need to start NC, heal from this and move on with your life. You deserve someone that's not wavering whether they want to be with you or not. Its hard to imagine that she would do that, I guess im still shocked. Thanks for your help and advice. I really appreciate this forum, been helping me a lot.
Trovador Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You did waste your time, money and life with her, don't do it anymore...
maturityassets Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 There isn't always a guy involved. People can pretend pretty well in relationships. Enjoy going out, having some one to talk to, enjoy sex and etc. Still during all this time have doubts about the relationship because something keeps bothering them. Till eventually they don't want to do anything with you anymore and figure it's time to switch off. Also you as the dumpee and in love with her,you are going to over look lots of the little things it's not the same with the dumper who is second guessing it all
Author inlin Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 I just need help... Its been about 2 weeks since we spoke and over 2 weeks since we saw each other.... I miss her deeply even though I helped her in so many ways and she never really helped me when I was down.... I just sacrificed so much but I miss her so much. Hate this feeling... She's not a terrible person but kinda selfish I guess.
Chi townD Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I just need help... Its been about 2 weeks since we spoke and over 2 weeks since we saw each other.... I miss her deeply even though I helped her in so many ways and she never really helped me when I was down.... I just sacrificed so much but I miss her so much. Hate this feeling... She's not a terrible person but kinda selfish I guess. So, why are you missing a person that, even you, claimed used you and threw you way? Dude, she isn't worth a minute of your time.
KaliLove Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I just need help... Its been about 2 weeks since we spoke and over 2 weeks since we saw each other.... I miss her deeply even though I helped her in so many ways and she never really helped me when I was down.... I just sacrificed so much but I miss her so much. Hate this feeling... She's not a terrible person but kinda selfish I guess. That's not love, it's addiction.
Author inlin Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 So, why are you missing a person that, even you, claimed used you and threw you way? Dude, she isn't worth a minute of your time. I guess all the time we spent together and we were lovers and best-friends...
Author inlin Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 That's not love, it's addiction. Got me thinking if I miss her or if I miss someone being there.
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