HoopGuy Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Greetings LoveShack community...brand new member and I don't mean to jump into the pool right away but was seeking a little advice. Met a woman early January...divorced, 2 kids. Lives 2 hours away. We have been seeing each other at least once a week since early January. Talk/text every day. Im divorced as well...we both went through rough marriages although we both have had our rebound and other dates. After 3 months she pulled away saying anything serious is freaking her out...so initially I pushed back saying how only seeing each other once a week would be a good thing..take it slow, no pressure but she stood firm. I agreed to give her space and suggested if she wanted to get together this summer, let me know. 3 days went by and she texted me, asking if I was still mad(I never gave the impression I was mad...just pushed back on her decision a bit). Trying to figure out a response here...the reality is I am mad a bit because I felt she wasn't up front by portraying someone who was beyond her past, etc but her actions did not show this. Respond to the text..or ignore and move on? I would like to make it work with her but also don't want to give the impression of being too eager. I also feel that she is feeling bad about ending it and this is just a way for her to ease her concious Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 I would ignore her. Sounds like she is too confused. You are in different stages of your life. I think you ought to focus on someone who wants to commit. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) Wild guess here: I think that for some women a casual relationship is just sex; for some others, is no sex at all... your ex belongs in the latter I guess and is seeing the sex in the rs as a serious commitment, maybe her problem is not you coming strong, but equating the enjoyment of sex outside marriage or a formal rs with being a "cheap" woman... so, rather than differentiate she offered nothing at all... it would be up to you showing her that physical affect can be legit and should be enjoyed between two consenting adults without strings attached if that's what each other wants... But it is all conjecture, she seems very confused indeed, let's wait more details... Edited April 6, 2014 by Trovador Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Clearly she's not ready for a relationship and is confused about what she wants. While you may have only been seeing each other once a week, there may have been more emotional intensity in the relationship than she could handle at the moment. When she says she isn't ready, you have to take that at face value, no matter how confusing it is. Pushing to continue to see her really didn't help your case at all and put pressure on her. I'm not sure what you mean she wasn't honest with you by "portraying someone who was beyond her past", but it sounds like you had your own expectations of her, and you imputed your expectations onto her. That's not fair to anyone. You need to accept people at face value, and allow their actions to show you who they are. Their patterns of behavior will show you what kind of person they will be in a relationship. From there, you step back and assess how that person and their behavior meets your own emotional needs. I don't know why she phrased her text as a query about "you still being mad", but that seems very emotionally immature and the words of someone who may be ill equipped to also have empathy for your feelings as well. You are not going to be able to force a relationship with her. The text could just all be a bread crumb because she had hope for some type of relationship with you, but it wasn't working for her as it was. Maybe it's best to accept this relationship just wasn't going to work and to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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