maestrok Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Dated a guy for a short period. We really liked each other but there was a huge issue on his part so i broke up with him without really explaining why. Started dating another guy shortly therafter. Then i heard that he thinks i cheated on or weighed him and this guy or sth. Not true. Should i talk to him? I dont want him to remember as a cheater or sth that i am not. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 No, don't try to correct his impression. First, he is an ex. There is no need to stir the pot. Second, he either wont care or won't believe you. I know I wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 No, don't try to correct his impression. First, he is an ex. There is no need to stir the pot. Second, he either wont care or won't believe you. I know I wouldn't. I could tell that he still is uncomfortable seeing me and avoids me. And why would you not believe it just curious. Fyi i am not with the second guy either now. Link to post Share on other sites
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Because hurt people are insensitive to the truth from others. They prefer the lies they tell themselves. You broke up with him because of the way he was. He thinks you broke up with him because of something you did. Really? You think he'd believe you, over his own conclusions? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 If you did nothing wrong and the ex is still acting weird then cut him out of your life completely. He's not going to be a healthy addition to your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 And why would you not believe it just curious.. If I am seeing someone and I perceive that things are going well and I'm then dumped without the other giving me any type of reason, I would wonder if someone else was in the picture or if they just lost interest. But then again, I'd be going, "But everything was going well, how can she just lose interest?" So, found someone else would likely stick in my head. Why didn't you tell him what was bothering you? What was so huge about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 If I am seeing someone and I perceive that things are going well and I'm then dumped without the other giving me any type of reason, I would wonder if someone else was in the picture or if they just lost interest. But then again, I'd be going, "But everything was going well, how can she just lose interest?" So, found someone else would likely stick in my head. Why didn't you tell him what was bothering you? What was so huge about it? I wasn't sure (and didn't think it was likely) that he could change.. Or for that matter, I thought shouldn't try to change the other person but take him as is or leave him if i can't? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 I guess i still care about him. It kida bothers me that he would misunderstand the whole situation ... Maybe he doesn't care idk. I mean when we broke up i def had a lot of feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I could tell that he still is uncomfortable seeing me and avoids me. And why would you not believe it just curious. Fyi i am not with the second guy either now. You dumped him suddenly and without explanation. Coincidentally, you started dating someone else almost immediately. I think that would explain why he might 'look uncomfortable' and avoid you. I'm not sure why you find this unusual. I don't think I'd want to be around you after that either. Why would I not believe you? Given the facts you gave and the timing of your new relationship, the most plausible explanation is that you dumped old guy for new guy. Personally, I'm convinced that is the case despite the fact you have no particular reason to misrepresent yourself on the forum. If you were to come to me these weeks/months later (after you broke up with new guy), I would assume you are trying to rewrite history (common with both women and men). This is bolstered by the fact that it took you this long to come up with your current story. Whatever that story was (that old guy couldn't or shouldn't change) might have been believable at the time, but much less so weeks/months later. Again, as a guy, at this point, I would not care nor would I believe you. Not that that should matter to you. At this point, I don't think you should care what he thinks. I'd let sleeping dogs lie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Don't even bother. Nothing you say is going to change his mind. Your actions spoke louder than anything you would say to him. The fact that you could move on so quickly after the break up and not even mourn the loss of him or the relationship would tell him that you had an interest in this other dude and you put more of a value on this guy over him or the relationship. You walked away from him and right into the arms of someone else....and he has nothing. Now, you can come back at me and say that I'm totally wrong. And maybe I am. But, that's not the way he see's it. He see's it the way I just described it. And, to be honest, if this situation happened to me, I'd be thinking exactly the way your Ex is thinking. So, you want him to move on with his life and find his own happiness? Then, leave him alone. Let him believe what he wants to believe if that's what it's going to take to get him to heal up from you and move on. So, if he believes that you cheated on him, then let him think it. But, I don't think he was to far off the mark. I have a feeling that you were emotionally invested in this dude before you broke up with him. Therefore, that's a form of cheating. Why do I believe it? Because, you want to talk to him and let him know that this guy isn't the reason why you two broke up. If you weren't emotionally invested and it was a weird situation on how you found each other after your break up. Then, you would have a clear conscience and say, "Whatever dude!" So, just leave him alone and let him move on with his life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 A quick clarification is that I did not even know the other guy before then lol we met for the very first time a week after the break up. I dont really have a reason to lie or distort facts here when i am trying to get honest advices. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 And I'm giving you an honest answer. He's not going to believe you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Don't even bother. Nothing you say is going to change his mind. Your actions spoke louder than anything you would say to him. The fact that you could move on so quickly after the break up and not even mourn the loss of him or the relationship would tell him that you had an interest in this other dude and you put more of a value on this guy over him or the relationship. You walked away from him and right into the arms of someone else....and he has nothing. Now, you can come back at me and say that I'm totally wrong. And maybe I am. But, that's not the way he see's it. He see's it the way I just described it. And, to be honest, if this situation happened to me, I'd be thinking exactly the way your Ex is thinking. So, you want him to move on with his life and find his own happiness? Then, leave him alone. Let him believe what he wants to believe if that's what it's going to take to get him to heal up from you and move on. So, if he believes that you cheated on him, then let him think it. But, I don't think he was to far off the mark. I have a feeling that you were emotionally invested in this dude before you broke up with him. Therefore, that's a form of cheating. Why do I believe it? Because, you want to talk to him and let him know that this guy isn't the reason why you two broke up. If you weren't emotionally invested and it was a weird situation on how you found each other after your break up. Then, you would have a clear conscience and say, "Whatever dude!" So, just leave him alone and let him move on with his life. Brilliant advice! if an ex contacted me to do this I WOULD NOT BELIEVE THEM, I would simply think they were trying to clear their conscience and make peace with me by lying. and the fact that she feel the need to contact an ex she dumped to "set the record straight" suggests she feels guilty. leave it be. Link to post Share on other sites
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I guess i still care about him. It kida bothers me that he would misunderstand the whole situation ... Maybe he doesn't care idk. I mean when we broke up i def had a lot of feelings. So much so that you managed to find another guy pretty quickly. A rebound, by the sound of it, who is now also off the scene. How did you feel when you broke up with HIM? And who initiated THAT break-up? Perhaps you need to examine your own dating tendencies. Is it really 'them' or could it be something to do with 'you'? Link to post Share on other sites
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