cantkeepcalm Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hello everyone. I am hurting so bad right now and I need to talk to someone. I have no friends and the only therapist that I have access to doesn't have any openings until April. I understand that no one wants to give me sympathy since I keep going back to this guy, but what you need to understand is that it is hard when you are being given mixed signals to just stop. I am so desperate to have him back that I will do anything. I can't do no contact because I fear him getting over me. He just broke up with me for the third time last Tuesday. I left him alone for a while, then yesterday I had to go pick up some mail from him. When we were together he asked me not to leave, but to stay and talk for a while so I did because I have attachment problems to him. He told me we could take things slow and possibly try to reconcile. We ended up having sex. Now I see he was just telling me what I wanted to hear to get sex from me and now I feel like I am dying inside. I can't believe this guy that used to love and adore me would now devalue me so much that he would use me for sex. Now he is going on a date with another girl Friday. WE JUST BROKE UP. The thought of him with another girl kills me. What do I do?? I am panicking right now and I feel so alone. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 First of all you need to relax. Like seriously relax. Go outside, close your eyes, and just deep breathe. You got to get a hold of yourself before you do something you'll regret... like sleeping with him again. The fact that you two broke up 3 times should be a BIG indication that you need to go your own separate ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cantkeepcalm Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 I can't relax. I can't eat or sleep. I've lost 5 pounds. I cry every day. How do people get through this? For three years he was my whole life and now I am nothing to him and I don't even know why? I never did anything to hurt him. One day he just decided that he didn't want me anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Lack of friends surely worsens this situation, well, most situations in life... you should talk to someone, a sister, a neglected friend, what about a priest or a pastor? They are helpful without being judgmental... meanwhile, you can talk to us, and believe me, we can sympathize... Now, you need to, as they say, keep calm, this is not going to kill you, despite it looks like a insurmountable mountain now... it's hard like quitting smoke or buzz but in the end the pain is worth it... Please, don't devalue yourself, refuse to be reduced to just a booty call, be strong and think if this is the kind of woman you want to be... imo, you need to go cold turkey right now, that's the best way to avoid mixed signals, humiliations, the emotional roller coaster and one thousands pains more... you can do it, give yourself some credit... Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I know that you're hurting so badly, and that you recognize you have attachment problems. Your relationship with him isn't healthy. Please do yourself a favor and get him out of your life! He's been your whole life for three years. But what about YOU? You've spent so much time and energy focusing on him that you've been neglecting yourself all this time. Allowing him to stay around is allowing yourself to be devalued. I know that this is hard to hear, and that you don't want to hear it. But you really need to learn to love yourself. You need to be on your own. You need to have him out of your life, because until that happens, your attachment to him is just going to be incredibly strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 And I understand the attachment issue. I experienced that problem with my ex-fiance. For four years. I allowed myself to be a doormat because of it. I did everything I could to make sure he was happy, while neglecting myself. I made my relationship with him more important than my relationship most of the time. NOT COOL! He recently shut me out, and although it hurt a lot at the time and it still hurts sometimes, I KNOW this is for the best while I learn to focus on me and not on him. Yes, I know that it hurts. It hurts so, very much. "A pain worse than death" seems accurate. But it's because we've been SO attached. My attachment to my ex-fiance is much less than it was a couple of weeks ago. Because I'm focusing a lot more on me, and a lot less on him. The no contact has REALLY helped. It's been a hard adjustment, because I had made him such a priority for a long time... but it's working! Please, do the same for yourself. I know it'll be hard. But having no contact really, really IS the best thing you can do for yourself right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I can't relax. I can't eat or sleep. I've lost 5 pounds. I cry every day. How do people get through this? For three years he was my whole life and now I am nothing to him and I don't even know why? I never did anything to hurt him. One day he just decided that he didn't want me anymore I know. It's hard. I was there. I didn't eat, sleep, and I even developed a small case on panic attacks. I ended up taking Xanax it was that severe. I was with my ex GF for 2 years. I was getting ready to propose to her when she pulled the trigger, so believe me when I know you hurt. Nobody to talk to doesn't make things better, but you have a community "LS" that will back you up and will hear you out on things you want to say. So relax. After you do that I want you to just feel what you feel. Feel the pain, hurt, and whatever else follows. You must grieve first, because you did lose someone. Remember we are here for you. We are here for each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lara 77 Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I know and I feel and I can hear u ... It's been only 4 weeks for me NC I went through hell exactly like u going through No sleep No food Can't relax Can't talk Obsessed with his thoughts Thinking about him with someone else and it's just KILLs Chasing him on what's app and other areas where he has blocked me and funny enough I was not even texting him but he did this to hurt me There is more to it but I don't want to tell this here I want to tell u that u need to change the focus to yourself Think about U UR life U need practically block him in your head And dude I know about this attachment issue ... I have it And ppl out there don't have it don't know what it is and how it kills Just start loving yourself ... All this time you loved him Biggest change will come in time One day at a time One hour at a time And NC ... Don't give him the satisfaction of contact Let him think why you not contacting him We all are here all the time to hear u out Cry cry and cry as much you want It's helpful And in time peace will come too xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts