Growing Up on LS & Learning from the Past

[lofi_tokyo]

I'm happy I've been posting on LS for so long - it's a good track record of my relationships, and it helps me identify where things have gone awry. Anyone else have a similar experience?

 

I mention this because I read through some of my old threads today -I had been avoiding it because I was afraid it would spark old feels for the ex.

 

It definitely did not! It caused more of a *cringe* scenario. We had so many problems - from nearly the start! No wonder I split up with the guy - I consistently cared way more for him than he did, and somehow although he treated me badly, I kept crawling back for more. He was legitimately not that into me, and I kept convincing him to stay - gross.

[Never Again]

Glad you're learning and moving forward.

 

However, don't be so sure when you say "no wonder I split up with the guy".

 

I looked through your old threads and, as much as I hate to say this, lots of guys are pretty much conditioned to act in similar ways.

 

It's a pretty awful social stigma, but people tend to expect the girl to care more about the relationship and her significant other. If the guy cares equally (or, heaven forbid, MORE) at any given time, he's considered weak, wimpy, wussy, "too nice" or "p*ssy whipped".

 

As evolved as our society is, many still believe that "emotions are feminine", and any man that is over-emotive, too eager, too available, too nice, too sweet or too accomodating is a "wuss".

 

This crappy behavior your ex displayed is encouraged and rewarded. Being distant and "too cool" for the relationship is a sign of strength in a world where men are terrified that acting vulnerable for even a few weeks - acting boring, overemotive, unconfident, unfun, unassertive...you know, being a genuine and REAL human being with emotional depth beyond that of a teaspoon, is considered unattractive and will get them kicked to the curb.

 

Don't blame him, or yourself, too much for that relationship. It's pretty much the accepted social standard.

 

But you're learning, and I can't imagine anything better than that.