Girlfriend Wanted A Break, Then It Lead To A Break Up. Now Hates Me? (Long)

[ag999]

Hi Guys, I'm new to this fourm and would like to say hello to all!

I will try and make this as short as possible (But the whole story I feel is very important!)

She's 20 and Im 24. We live about 25-30 mins away from each other but distance never was an issue. We met on an online dating site and were shocked how great it was to meet each other.

 

For me this is my first serious relationship and she knows that but I have dated short term here and there nothing serious

For her she dated 1 guy for 3 years during high school and it ended about a 4-5 months before we met (to my knowledge).

 

I dated this girl for about 2-3 months and we've known each other and hit it off ever since we met. We known each other for about 6 months. (I understand its a short period of time but let me continue). We were absolutely perfect together and we got along with no problems what so ever. It seemed like we knew each other for years. We were always completely honest with each other and even going in depth of who we used to like. Anyways, we loved being together never a problem, never even fought with one another. She even went ahead saying she could sit in a empty room with me and be completely happy because that's how comfortable we were with one another. she would tell me how much she is blessed to have me in her life. She wrote 2 poems about me and how she never met someone like me. Even at times she even seemed obsessed about me telling me she had dreams about me and I was on her mind non stop. Also, Given she's had a hard life I told her I will always be here no matter what. (she is very independent and moved out of her house at 16/17 because of how her step mom and father acted towards her. In Oct 2013 they came back into her life slowly and is really trying to open herself up to them again. I never met them, but I did meet the people she lived with and 2 of her friends she's close to.) She also once cried while we were lying together because she said she was thinking if we fell in love and she was scared. She was really attracted to me she loved every little thing I did and she always acknowledged it, to loving my birthmarks on my face.... Anyways, A week before Christmas 2013 she was acting a bit strange but i never thought anything of it because she was having a lot of family problems and wasn't doing very well in school. But it could of been anything I don't know (Started working at a bar a month prior as well alot of stress perhaps?) As we went to a party couple days before christmas that week. A girl that I used to like was there and she got angry but I told her not to because I don't care about her anymore. She was at parties before and it wasn't a big deal but for this one time it seemed like it did bothered her. I told her she needs to not worry because your who I. want not her. And she is extremely jealous so I understand but I genuinely told her she doesn't need to worry. I could tell it bothered her but it seemed she got over it a couple days later as she came over Christmas eve and we had a wonderful time together. She seemed a bit quiet when she first arrived but began to open up after a while.

 

Then a few days after Christmas day was when I was supposed to see her again and we were going to see a movie and get dinner. As I arrived at her house she had this look on her face. I asked her whats wrong. She said "We need a break". I was in complete shock because everything seemed to be going perfect. It caught me completely off guard and I was confused. I tried comforting her about what was going on and told me not to touch her. I was confused. We kept talking about whats going on for about 3 hours. And I told her how much she meant to me and what went wrong and during this time I teared up a bit. She gave me a hug and kissed me on the neck. we proceeded to talk and I was allowed to touch her again as I touched her leg while we talked. And she said I didn't do anything wrong, but she told me a list of things from her missing being single, that she needs to be alone, figure out her feelings, and that she was insecure and always jealous (Stocking my facebook and everything i did), and not sure if im "the one". I begin to ask if it was another guy because I noticed she was snap-chatting someone new and she gave me a look I never seen before but I told her if it was, you can tell me. I wasn't going to be upset but Id rather know the truth. She said the guy was someone she used to talk to but it wasn't anything and she wanted me to believe her. And to my to knowledge she's really never told me a lie.. She said it was what she was feeling that she needed this break. So I went home and changed my Facebook status to single and hid the relationship status and she texted me right away all pissed off about doing that. Given she had her's hidden a couple days before and I knew about it. (Given she knew this was going to happen). I told her this isn't what I wanted why are you getting mad at me? and she responded "K"

 

After the talk it didn't really hit me until a couple days (Jan 1). I called her and asked her whats going on somethings not right and I cried on the phone because I was so confused. I told her her feelings might be changing because of the Depo pregnancy shot she takes but stopped taking it and her renewal was supposed to be on Christmas but she said she was done. I told her I was really scared and I hope that this isn't causing this. She was like really I never thought of it and didn't know this was possible.... After the phone call she texted me and invited me to get coffee and have dinner. She was still very weary of things but we still got along just fine. We talked for hours and seemed like a friendly meet up. When I got home she thanked me for spending the time with me and we wished each other a goodnight.

 

The next day (Jan 2) I had flowers sent to her house and she absolutely loved them. It was the first time I said "I loved her" through the flowers (There was a card that said Thank you for everything. Love you with all my heart). She called me right away and was so happy that I did that. She told me she couldn't stop smiling... Later that night after she left work at the bar. we skyped for about 10 mins about how the flowers were and how her day was. As we said our goodnights, I texted her as well thanking her for skyping and told her goodnight. and read the text...

 

(Jan 3) The next morning I woke up to a text about 2 hours after I went to bed and it said "I love you too, by the way". My heart melted and I thought things were looking better from here. We then talked the whole day about random stuff like having kids and what there names would be and what kind of ring she would get. We sometimes talked like that but never in this depth... We then decided to hang out again over the weekend (Saturday Jan 4) a few days later. We spent the whole day together and it was perfect as always. At times she seemed weary but opened up once we were together. She wanted to hold my hand, kissed me, and enjoyed every minute. Later that night, we talked in the car for a hour and she told me she was scared. But didn't tell me what and we hugged. I was so confused. I told her that I wanted to spend the night somewhere together and just be with her. So we got a hotel and had sex spent an hour together talking and decided to leave afterwards. We said we loved each other (She said it first) kissed each other goodnight. Told me to let me know when I got home safe. I texted her and she told me that she loved me and loved the time we spent together that day.... and to my knowledge it would be the last time i ever see her.

 

So that monday (Jan 6) I texted her in the morning and she was very short and brief. I asked her what was wrong and she said "idk" and I said you can tell me you know I'm here for you always. she said "I know, Thanks

Later that night I asked how her night was at the bar and she then simply texted me "I cant do this". I was confused and told her I would give her space because we were on this break and I would just leave her be. And I texted her something long about how much she means to me and what not. She never responded.

 

(Jan 10) That Friday of that week. she texted me saying i didn't have to say sorry and that my words mean alot to her (my long text monday) and she also wanted to see how my wisdom teeth removal went and I told her it went well. and it was a short 4-5 txt convo. I told her that I didn't want to bother her because she was having family time and she hasn't been with her family in over 3 years. She told me Thank you so much!

 

(Jan 12) That Sunday I asked if she would like to just get a coffee together and about an hour later told me she just got into a car accident. I called her instantly and she picked up and was crying but said she was ok. I told her i was going to go there and give her support. She said no she will be fine and her dad is picking her up. I drove all the way to see if I could find the accident but i must of missed it. I called her and told her I was driving to a hospital to see if she was ok. she told me she was home and wanted to be with her sister and that she was fine. She felt bad I drove around looking for her and it mattered to her that I did that. She told me she would call me later. after I hung up i told her that I love her and im here for her. She avoided it and told me that it was crazy how fast it happened. I told her I know i was in one before but I want you to know im here for you. She didn't respond. I then texted her again and told her Im sorry if im being a bother and i will leave you alone. she texted me back and told me that no your never a bother stop that. trust me your never a bother. I let it be and was expecting a phone call later that day. It never came....

 

Jan 14 That Tuesday I noticed she deleted me off of facebook and snapchat randomly. I was very confused of why this was happening. I checked her facebook and nothing really changed, but then I went on this guy's facebook (the one I kind of suspected but he was 6 years older) and noticed she liked one of his pictures. To my thought, I figured she does like this guy so why cant she tell me... So being in such high emotions I began to write her a love letter about 5 pages long (it included perhaps mistake I made, I wish i respected her more during this break, how I loved her, how i wanted to fight for her, and how I understand how difficult her life is) I didn't beg for a second chance just said what was on my chest. But I did say that I would like to start over whenever she felt ready. I then sent it through the mail the next day.

 

Jan 19 I tried to talk to her about whats going on and she told me she just wants to be alone and she needs the space and she just wants me to understand that. I told her that I want to work on myself as well and she said that she was too. I went on to say that I don't want this door to close between us because who knows what the future holds, and she agreed with me... I said well when do we talk to each other again do we have a date or time? and she kinda got upset and said she doesn't know she just didn't know. I felt bad because i was pestering her but for me I have no idea what is going on with her because she just won't say what.

 

Jan 21 I texted her to see how her first day of going back to school was and she told me it went good and she received my letter. She said your words matter to me and told me thank you. We proceed to continue texting and she told me she lost feelings for me and didn't feel the same. I said why when did this start happening? She told me she didn't remember and said "if you loved me this quick maybe you can find someone else you love just as fast, but heck what do i even know about love".. I asked her if it was this guy she wanted to see but insisted to say No and said I don't know how else to tell you that I just want to be alone. I tested her and told her that one of her friends told me about him and that i saw a picture of you and your sister and his name was written on a piece of paper next to you. She got mad saying I went behind her back talking to her friends about that and laughed because it's nothing and the name was some sort of game they were playing. She said you don't have to believe me but that's what it was. I told her that I was joking about talking to her friends becuz I wanted to see if you were lying. She told me that her ex boyfriend did something like that before. I told her I was sorry but its hard for me to understand whats going on between us. She said that something just doesn't feel right and that she was sorry. And continued on about how her feelings changed and now this was getting awkward. I said I want to be in your life still regardless of what happens because our friendship is important to me because your a great person. I told her if you have another guy its fine i just don't want to lose this friendship. She told me she's just not ready for that yet. And I said ok well thats fine then, can we still be friends on twitter at least because you deleted me on everything else just to see how your doing. She said ok... I then told her that I will always be here for her for anything at all and that I care about you and wished her a goodnight. She said "yeah you too, goodnight"

 

 

A week later... Jan 26

I avoided twitter for about a week and went on just to post something about a football game and we were still friends. But as soon as I posted she deleted me as a friend almost instantly!

 

Update...

I have been in no contact since January 21st (couple days shy of 8 weeks) and I have not heard from her since.

 

She currently is still single and is not seeing any guys to my knowledge. (my friend is still friends with her on facebook, but did see her in a photo with another guy but looked to be much older than her)

 

I checked up on her twitter the other day for the first time in a while and see some days she's happy some days she's not. Depressing quotes, sayings and what not about being lonely/sad/confused. And other things about being single and looking for attractive guys and what not.

 

Any Advice from some experts out there?

I love this girl with all my heart. We clicked instantly and am still confused about this break up. She never technically broke up with me "officially" other than saying she lost feelings for me. But I still do want another shot with her and don't want to do anything else without screwing up those chances. She really is a nice girl and as you read I even offered the friendship that she said she wasn't ready for..(And she dumped me!?!, and did the deleting of social media which I still find odd).

 

Sorry for the long post but details are important I feel for someone's opinion.

 

Any help is greatly appreciated!! Thanks

[somegoodman]

That 5 page letter you wrote is what really did you in. Never write letters to women about how you feel, they don't care and it only turns them off. She only cares about how SHE feels.

 

Nothing you can do but learn from this and move on. Don't contact her for any reason; don't make excuses to contact her. Wait her out and go about your business.

[ag999]

I have been going about my business. Joined a gym trying to self improve. I know it was a bad idea but at the time I felt it was the right thing to do. (She's a writer so I figured...)

 

So you really think there is nothing left I can do to turn this in my favor? I should just let it be for now?

 

It's just tough cuz this girl means the world to me, and Id just love to hear from her...

[somegoodman]

I have been going about my business. Joined a gym trying to self improve. I know it was a bad idea but at the time I felt it was the right thing to do. (She's a writer so I figured...)

 

So you really think there is nothing left I can do to turn this in my favor? I should just let it be for now?

 

It's just tough cuz this girl means the world to me, and Id just love to hear from her...

 

 

 

If there's one thing I know for sure, it is that you can't do anything once a girl has gone cold on you. Nothing works except doing nothing at all.

 

 

Just think of it this way, by not doing anything at least you can't make the situation any worse. Protect your heart and cut the crap before you end up humiliating yourself.

 

 

Best thing to do for your own well-being is to move past the denial stage as fast as possible. Take a deep breath, tell yourself it is over now, and you simply don't have control over her actions from here on out. You'll start to feel better when you reach that acceptance.

[ag999]

Thanks for the responses Somegoodman!

 

Yeah I know your completely right. It's just hard how it all ended and I know she still has feelings for me just because of her actions.

 

But you make a very logical point which makes complete sense

 

I'm going to do just that. Because your right I really need to.

 

 

 

Anyways, Out of curiosity, With these types of situations do they ever come back around? Well situations like these?

[TaraMaiden]

No.

And if they DO contact you, it's for THEIR benefit and peace of mind.

 

Not yours.

[Weallwalkthelongroad]

I wouldn't hold my breathe waiting for her to come back. My ex went cold and then downright crazy. It'll be better for you if she doesn't come back.

 

If by some slim chance she does, it will be a completely different relationship than the one you had.

[lolablue17]

She's 20!

If you ask me, I belive her completely! She is confused. She wants to meet other guys. You're nice and good to her but she wants to try other guys, she wants space, she wants to be a single and your behavior after the break showed her that you're all over her, and its to crowded for her.

 

She doesn't want you. Fact. Period.

Move on.