buxboy Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hi guys I new here and in a situation that is tough*I was with my other half for 17 years married for 13 we have had a few splits before with the old I love you but dont love you anymore thing is we got on amazingky well , we rarely argued the sex life was difficult as I found it hard to initiate as it was nearly always on her terms any way I noticed she was on her phone alot recently and one day she went out for the day to return at tea time and said she needed to speak with me .she told me sbe had spent the day with someone else I was angry as expected and stormed out as usual, only to stop and think hang on what am I doing? So I returned and told her to leave which she did shen then came round a few days later to tell me it was over bla bla bla but who knows what the future holds and that she was going to carry on seing this guy .its done my head in really as 17 years is a long time and there are children involved ive tried to ignore her I never send the first txt but she does and then I end up responding .I cant really see her relationship working to be honest as he lives abit away and is ten years younger than her she says no sex went on behind my back but she wanted it to and thats why she wanted to split. what to so ? Im not in a good place as we got on so well even when she came round we still had a laugh
lvroflife Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 First off welcome! Sucks we are all.meeting like this!! Secondly, she is a coward for not expressing her thoughts and feelings before she stepped out with this guy. Sounds to me that this "fling" she has going on won't last long and it will come crashing in her face. First the guy is 10 years younger, so in a short span he will leave her (most likely). Now does he have kids too? She is with him for excitement I am guessing. He is with her to brag to his friends (as history would have it). The BEST thing you can to do is live for you and your kids!! Reinvent yourself!! Get in shape! Do whatever you want to do!! Main thing is grieve the loss and FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS on YOU!! Try not to dwell on her coming back. Chances are she may, but do not bank on it!! But 17years is a long time and once the excitement where's off she will see they have no substance!! And besides he knows she was married and he is probably thinking "if she would do this to him she could do this to me". I would bet he is just having fun. I am here for you!! This whole chat forum is here for you! We will help you get through!!!
Nicki73562 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Welcome to the group. She should have talked with you about her feelings because no one deserves to be cheated on. I would focus on you and your kids even though it is hard, and have NC with her. If you need to talk we are all here.
Author buxboy Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Cheers guys its tough going to be honest we got on so well thats the head f@# k at the moment ive thought about the NC thing but I dont want to lose her totally and the 180 and I have been trying i never make first contact I will focus on moving forward and who knows what will happen the kids have been amazing really helping me round the house and such its hard to take it in im glad I stayed in the house as I know what its like to sleep on a sofa like she currently is.
Chi townD Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hi guys I new here and in a situation that is tough*I was with my other half for 17 years married for 13 we have had a few splits before with the old I love you but dont love you anymore thing is we got on amazingky well , we rarely argued the sex life was difficult as I found it hard to initiate as it was nearly always on her terms any way I noticed she was on her phone alot recently and one day she went out for the day to return at tea time and said she needed to speak with me .she told me sbe had spent the day with someone else I was angry as expected and stormed out as usual, only to stop and think hang on what am I doing? So I returned and told her to leave which she did shen then came round a few days later to tell me it was over bla bla bla but who knows what the future holds and that she was going to carry on seing this guy .its done my head in really as 17 years is a long time and there are children involved ive tried to ignore her I never send the first txt but she does and then I end up responding .I cant really see her relationship working to be honest as he lives abit away and is ten years younger than her she says no sex went on behind my back but she wanted it to and thats why she wanted to split. what to so ? Im not in a good place as we got on so well even when she came round we still had a laugh Yeah dude, to the bold. The times in the past when she used the I love you but not in love with you speech? Those are the times where there was someone else in the picture. She says that no sex has gone on behind your back....uh huh.... Well, you know THAT'S a bold face lie! You don't give up a 17 year marriage on someone that might be a "maybe" in their eyes. Time to move on dude. Stop all communication with her. If she calls let it go to voicemail. If the message is about the kids, then TEXT her back. Anything else, ignore it. For example, She calls and leaves a message stating that she wants to pick up the kids on Saturday morning and bring them home at 8PM. You text back, "That's fine." and THAT'S IT! If she follows up with, "I'm really sorry about all of this." I know you would want to respond with, "Go f*ck yourself!" Just don't say anything. Nothing! NADA! See a lawyer and get the ball rolling. Good for you for getting her to leave. The courts can view that as she abandon the home and set up residence somewhere else. Therefore, you should be able to stay in the marital home and considering that house is where your kids live, you might be named the custodial parent. You need to do this while the iron is hot. She got her head so far up this young dudes ass, she's not even thinking divorce. She's going to get a hard dose of reality when she gets served papers. Do not warn her that you are seeing a lawyer, or that she's getting served. Just let it happen. Shut off all joint accounts, joint credit cards and move half the money in those accounts into your own separate account. Stay strong dude, you are not her back up plan when she's done playing with her boy toy. You have more self respect than that! 2
Author buxboy Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Yeah I know you dont thrown 17 years away just like that she messaged me tonight as ive been asking her to get her stuff and she has been for some clothes and she says she wants to go through stuff together as shes not sure what I want her to take? Ive told her the only time I want to see her is when she meets me at the bank to get her name off my bank account
Chi townD Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 She's stalling. Don't bow down to her timetable on when SHE wants to get sh*t done. If I were you, I would pack up ALL OF HER SH*T and box it up. Then, throw it in the garage. You need to start removing her from your life and anything that would remind you of her. THEN! You need to start remodeling and redecorating the house. Paint the walls a new color that YOU like. Take down picture of you two and put up artwork that YOU like. Buy new furniture or move furniture around. Take one of the rooms or the basement and start making your Mancave. It should be like, if you walked into the house, you wouldn't recognize it anymore. If she ever steps foot in that house again, she would see that you are moving on and making the house your own. That's would be a MASSIVE wake up call for her. Women pride themselves with turning a house into a home. Well, you just destroyed what she worked on to make it a home. If she gets angry about it, tough sh*t! What is she gonna do? Cheat on you and run off with someone else? What more could she possibly do?
Author buxboy Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Yeah most of her stuff is gone now .my new dartboard has gone up and I am going to redecorate my bedroom asap the contact is only minimal its not easy though
Author buxboy Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Well contact is at a minimum I totaly redecorated the bedroom its unrecognisable anymore my skate boardis on the wall .she came round to pick the girls up and had a look in my room and said it looked good...ive started going out with an old friend of mine shes really great and dont think I would have been able to do it without her it still hurts but im moving on shes coming to sign the house over to me next week cant figure out if its getting easier or not though I still love her deeply
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