SmokeySP Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 New poster here but I've decided to open up and get some advice on my current situation. My girlfriend suddenly breaks up with me after a rough week. We had been perfectly happy and even working together for a while at the same store. I am going to the State Police Academy in a few months and we had planned on life after the academy. Her past was rough and she had been in trouble before for minor offenses but I was her "second chance" as she said. I was willing to forgive her and help her out. We were in love with each other but eventually I started noticing her moods were changing and she was more distant. It turns out that she was abusing prescription pills and talking about me to her ex's. I found this out when she left her facebook open on my phone and I got a message. We went from being perfectly happy to break up in mach snot. I even offered her a second chance and was willing to work with her through it all. Her dream was always a nice life with a family, house and pets. You know the typical American dream but she relapsed into her previous ways. I understand that I made the right decision because career and my future comes first but it doesn't make that decision any easier. But I had never really been in love with someone like that before and being around her for the past few months so much makes it brutal when I'm single again. I know she is going to go back down the self destructive path she kept trying to run away from. It's a product of her family, environment and life. I fell in love with the sober, normal side of her that not that many people ever really got to see. I was honestly the only decent person she had been with. My question isn't whether or not it was the right thing because her past made me stressed out along with her habits but I guess it's how do I recover from this? I've been planning on moving away to one of the big cities in my state for a very long time since I have no commitments here in the middle of nowhere. I'm having a very hard time focusing on things, eating or even drinking water let alone physical training or any of that. I'm slowly getting better but it's been absolutely brutal the past few days especially since I have to pass her work constantly and it's hard to not think about her. She did teach me a lot of important lessons such as being able to love myself, to feel like I am worth something and that I am an amazing person. As she told me we were breaking up she told me that I had to be able to see that I was a wonderful and amazing person regardless of what has happened. Her friends and family were completely shocked with what happened but they all told me the same thing. She has been in a lot of abusive relationships, years of drug abuse and partying and can't remain steady for too long. She has no college degree even though she is highly intelligent, her family is full of drug users who did treat me great even considering my future profession and friends. But this kind of blindsided me after so many months of being together and being happy. She even managed to stay sober and off of everything while we were happy. I somehow pulled her away from her old habits but they consumed her again. She saw me as being "insecure" and "controlling", while yes I had problems trusting her completely because of her past and her current habits but I was trying to get her to make responsible decisions. She can have a girls night out but she I kept telling her to work on getting her degree, paying off the fines first and being more responsible with her money instead of focusing on going to a bar, two hours away, three or four months from now. But I guess that came off as being extremely insecure and not trusting her completely. The thing is that we were in love at one point. It was amazing and the time flew by. It wasn't perfect but we made it work and I think we could both see that we could have a good life together. But all of that exploded and she started slipping away. There was a part of her that I fell in love with that was loving, caring, sweet and close. I saw that all the time until she became this distant, erratic and uncaring shell. This isn't the most painful thing I've had to deal with but it was so abrupt and brutal that it definitely left me reeling a few days ago. I couldn't sleep, eat, function or focus at all. I felt like a part of me had died in a way and I was completely defeated. But I've never really loved anyone like this or been loved like that before which makes it so difficult and painful.
thedmc Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I feel sorry for you, It's never easy to deal with an addict, Especially when it's someone you love. That being said, You'll be better off to accept that it's over and moving on rather than dwell on her and cause yourself even more pain.
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