relationship ended as my partener left the country, is it over?

[LilyLowe]

There..

im really lost and confused as Im sure most are when they have been told "Its best we go our separate ways" But my partner pursued me for 8 month while he left as friends for Thaiand last year and we wrote each week, i kept this as a friendship until he returned, and felt a man who travels may not be able to commit. He opened up my heart and convinced me he would never hurt me he hadn't wanted a relationship because he was happy alone, but when he met me his future had changed, he spoke to my family, our friends and his parents about how I was his perfect woman and how proud and lucky he was that he had met his soul mate.. he was going again the following year on another trip to see the world but arranged for me to fly out ton see him after 4 months, as i travel too. Everything was perfect, he even stayed 2 months longer as he was reluctant to go.. as it got nearer to the time he was leaving 6 weeks he started to change become distant, he also had no time alone and he stop making such an effort, I as we do, began to ask questions and get worried that he was backing off. the Weekend he flew of the 5 days i was off work he saw me for 6 hours and at the time of his flight when I didn't push a thing as I had already sent so many messages before and knowing he was stressed (which he suffers with hence the travelling i think plus it had never surfaced before) I didn't push to see him but he didn't want me to even call.. i did of course, and he was angry, said he wanted to go separate ways, he likes being alone but I was the kindest person he had ever met and no one had ever cared for him like me..that day I sent a million texts, but when he flew I never wrote again..

6 weeks later I sent a message wishing him happy new year and i was missing him but happy and this was only a wishing him well message if he was assuming it was more, but i felt no contact at Xmas seemed weird when we were so close.

his reply was "hiya lily, happy new year, glad your motivated to go abroad to work, I still feel bad for how things went with us, you are an amazing person but i still feel it was best for me to go our separate ways.my Spanish is coming along take care."

 

did I push him away,he was frustrated with all my texts and he said he had found the last few weeks difficult, but we had been fine for over a year was he so in love he couldn't cope travelling leaving me so got rid of the relationship to avoid the stress of missing me, did he just decide he was happier alone, my head is so confused because no man has ever ever ever given me the security he did.. and im not talking all gushy fairytails??

will he be thinking of me or will he be so happy in his fake happy world he wont look back.

 

I did reply, I said, please do be sad that things went wrong i enjoyed our time together, you had so much to organise with so little time I took it personally and sent demands about feeling neglected which was wrong,

understandably you must have felt under pressure when you were only doing your best, going separate ways was the only option to take it was the right choice i felt writing this would ease your mind and help you relax and be able to put all this into the past. Im happy and making new plans and it would be nice to hear from you again but will leave that to you no worries.

i did get a bit to much at the end, but I still cant understand how a guy can be so into you then delete you from their lives, he returns in may.. I don't no if the travelling was to much or I was... Im sorry this is so long Im just needing to get advice for peace of mind.

 

before he left his key words were.

some things a miss with me

i don't want anyone else

im emotional about my trip

my reasons for travelling are different to how they were i have met you

I don't want to hurt you but I like being alone

Im feeling stressed

I shouldn't be prompted to say nice things i should do it naturally

I should want to be spending more time with my girlfriend yet I want to be alone its not right..

Im concerned I cant give you the kind of relationship you are looking

its unfair of me to keep you in a relationship when Im unsure how I feel

you are an amazing person the kindest and most considerate ive ever met.

??? does he love me is he scared or is he emotionally inadequate.. will he get intouch, the travelling is the issue hear as I dont no if it was that or me??

[LilyLowe]

he said I still it WAS best for me we WENT our seperate ways,

 

if he wrote back we have made contact or was that polite..

 

wouldn't he say

 

I still think it IS best for we GO our separate ways,,

 

he is intelligent and knows what he is writing, or am I reading to much into that,

Im unsure how a mans mind works, or is he seeing us as it was so long ago now we are completely done?

[strive]

maybe he is just the type of guy who does not do well with LDR.

 

but I do know that you're reading way too much into things. unless of course he is the type to write cryptic messages for you to figure out. (if that's true do you want to be with a person who can't say things to you straight? it'll just be mind games all the time).

 

but yeah, I stick with the first reason. don't read too much into everything. don't put your life on hold because he's coming back in May and you're hoping that something might happen. if the relationship is over, then start moving on.

[LilyLowe]

Hi.

Thank you for that, it really helps, he doesnt play games so it is me reading to much into it,

things were great at first but changed at the end and he ended it, he hasnt tried to be friends and I feel that is the kindest thing and although he told me at the last minute which was cowardly he has at least said seperate ways and stuck to it.. when apart its hard to be with someone and if things are strained the most intelligent thing to do was a clean break and see what happens later on, im sure if your a man or woman used to travelling as a single person for 4 years it would be tough to feel you can fully enjoy your trip if you have a girlfriend at home that you could miss half way through...he either just likes being single or he couldnt handle six months apart... he struggled at the end before he went, so I feel he may also have issues with stress while I have issues with rejection, it back fired on us and he walked away not being able to handle the difficultys we faced.. fair weather friend... hence the living life of a traveler I guess.. thank you very much fo ypou help and words of wisdom it means alot.