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Broke with with gf, but completely miserable

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 2nd January 2014, 4:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 199
Broke with with gf, but completely miserable

Hi everyone, happy New Year.

My ex and I dated for 6-8 months. We went through a lot of hard times together where we broke up twice. Well this past Monday, I finally ended it for the 3rd time. Here is a link to another thread that contains most of my story.

Basically we broke up a second time around September and got back together a few weeks later for the 3rd time. She ended up moving in with me because her mom kicked her out of the house. Things were great for a time and I cleaned out and made room for her stuff.

December was when things got weird. She was being distant and wasn't being herself. There was a shady situation one night where she went to our mutual female friend's place for an all girl party. I last heard from her at around 12:30am. When I tried texting her at 2am there was no answer. Since she had my car I went outside to see if maybe she dropped off the car and went around in the area with the girls. When I walked outside I saw her in the passenger side of some guy's car that she knew for 10 years. I never knew the person nor was introduced, and I felt uncomfortable about him because he was always asking her out for drinks. She always said I had nothing to worry about and that they only met for drinks for an hour. Needless to say we got into a huge fight about it because the whole thing looked bad. She never mentioned to me that she was going to meetup with him that night, knowing he made me feel uncomfortable. She apologized and said she would never do anything to hurt me again.

Fast forward to this past weekend. She lost her job the week before Christmas, so her aunt asked her to move in with her to help in elderly care for an 80 yr old woman. This was a 24/7 job so the aunt really wanted some help. My gf thought it was good for her to move out and I instantly felt this was going to end bad for our relationship. I got so worried that she would breakup with me again and that dark times were ahead. She said she couldn't see a future without me and that everything would be ok. She finally moved all her stuff out in 2 days time and I was super upset to see the place empty of her stuff.

When I came home late Monday night after 1am, I was going to delete her account on my PC, but I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. I logged into her account and checked to see if she had her FB account auto-logged in. She did, and I checked her FB messages. I felt terrible doing it, but because of the shady situation a couple of weeks prior, I wondered if there was anything else going on she wasn't telling me about. I saw an hour and a half long convo between her and another person she's told me about. It was a highly inappropriate conversation where she was facetiming with this other guy and he was showing his privates to her to get her opinion about it. She was enabling it the time time saying how perfect it was, etc. It got to the point where she said she would watch him finish off.

Needless to say, I called her up at 2am and told her I saw the convo and that I was done with the conversation. It was really screwed up and I asked for my house keys back. The next day (New Years Eve), she came by and met me at my car where some of her stuff was located. She didn't say much to me and just grabbed her stuff. She was ready to leave when I asked her why she did it. She said she didn't do any of that stuff, that she staged the whole convo and accused me of snooping around her FB prior to the night I did. I never once checked her FB stuff until the one night a few days ago. I told her I didn't believe her and she got in her car. Before she left I wished her the best and a happy new year.

Since then, I ended up going to my friend's place for NYE instead of the bar with my ex and some other friends of ours. I was super sad over what I did, but everyone tells me I made the right decision because of everything we went through. Almost all day yesterday I was laying in bed thinking about what I did and took today off because I barely slept and couldn't get out of bed. I haven't cried yet, though I have come close.

Part of me feels horrible for breaking up with her after all the stuff she has been through the last few months. I honestly don't know what to do to move forward. I've heard it's easier to move on when you are the dumper, but I feel like I am the one that was broken up with in the end. I feel so lost right now and all I want to do is text her or email her how I feel and why I did what I did.

Someone, please help this lonely guy get out of his downward spiral.
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Old 2nd January 2014, 4:54 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 181
We can't physically help you get through this. In your mind you have to be positive. You have to move on and please don't contact her ever again. For a lot of people the best way to get over someone is start dating others. If you feel that your heart is not ready then start healing by doing the things you love: sports, excercise, cooking, traveling, etc. We all have been there before. All you need is time and within a few months or years, you'll look back at the situation and smile. That's when you know you're over it. Good luck!!
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